Humor: Marriage, American Style

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I last sent out some humor. Thanks to all of
you for sending me stuff. My humor folder has about 30 emails waiting
to be forwarded. I'll try to send one out every week.

This one was forwaded to me by Stella Wang. I hope you enjoy it.

Take care and keep in touch!

-Josh.

Subject: SOME PEOPLE HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS...

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, hey! it's the '90's!, he'd
be
Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to
marry
Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry
Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and
married
Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy
Dogg
Pooh.

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou,
he'd be Boog Alou.

If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him
to
marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.

Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other
name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he
married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes
Dare.

If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan
Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.

If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack
Paar,
then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.

If Javier Lopez married Keiko the whale, and Edith Piaf married
Rose
Tu the elephant, they would be Javier Keiko and Edith Tu.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King
Oscar
(of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener
(mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married
Gregory
Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck
Hur.

If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back
in
show business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married
Martin
Short, then divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could
all
nod understandingly when we heard, "Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky
Short
Guy."