February 24, 2002: Tech Support, I've Learned

Hi,

I don't know about you, but I watched quite a bit of the Olympics. Today's
men's hockey final game was quite exciting. However, one of the things
that I really enjoyed watching was curling. Have you seen any of it? The
sport doesn't look very demanding physically, but it is very strategic and
requires a lot of finesse. It's like playing a chess game on ice, and
requires a good communications and team work. Finally, I was rooting for
Michelle Kwan, and it was sad to see her not get the gold medal.

Here are some pictures that I loaded online. The first album contains some
pictures from the Cleveland Museum of Art.

Cleveland Museum of Art
http://cards.webshots.com/cp-17935663-XZZi-album/31943010bJCuLxxkDT

Here is an album of my college friend Linda Cheung, her husband Peter, and
her baby son Kyle.

Linda Peter Kyle
http://cards.webshots.com/cp-17935663-XZZi-album/30037692rHVGaRxAsJ

I will be going back to LA for my friends Steve and Winnie's wedding. In
fact, even though I've gone to so many weddings, this will be the first one
as the best man. I'll be attending the first service at CCAC on Sunday,
3/17, so I hope to see many of you there. It will be good to go back to LA
for a visit.

This week's thought provoking question: "If you could win an Olympic gold
medal, what sport would you want to win it in?"

This week's humor and inspirational pieces were forwarded from Genevieve
Owyang and Jennifer Deniega, respectively.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________

Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:

Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software,
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf
2.4, and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run
DiaperChanging 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3
to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility has only limited
effectiveness. Can you help, please!!

Sincerely, Frustrated
______

Dear Frustrated:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to
a misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with
no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However,
Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run
as few applications as possible. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or
purge the program files from the system once installed. Any new program
files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely
limited memory. Error messages are a normal part of Husband 1.0. Beer 6.0
is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and
SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete.

Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Consider buying
additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood
3.0, Lingerie 5.3, and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities
can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of
use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable
embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2, and
BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause
selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only
Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0, and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Tech Support
_________________________________

I've Learned

They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much
with so few words. Enjoy.......

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an
elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!"
makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the
most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the
strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be,
everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a
heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on
summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it
gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we
ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so
spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be
appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me
think I can?

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only
letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to
surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your
babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the
ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock
elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one
more time before he passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender,
because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do
about it.

I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little
finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but
all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned ... That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances;
when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I
get done.