Humor 6/22/97: Forest Gump

Hi everyone,

Hope your weekend went well. The following was forwarded from Anna
Man. Sorry if you've received it already from her extensive
distribution list. Take care!

-Josh.
__________________________________________________________________________

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met

at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed,
however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

Saint Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We
have
heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up
fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone.

The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into

Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was
looking
forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore
hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest. But, the test I have for you

is only three questions. Here is the first:

"What days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"
"Second, how many seconds are there in a year?"
"Third, what is God's first name?"

Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day
and goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions.

Saint Peter waves him up and asks, "Now that you have had a chance to
think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest says, "Well, the first one, how many days of the week begin with

the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today and Tomorrow!"


The saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest! That's not what I
was thinking, but ... you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't
specify, so I give you credit for that answer."

"How about the next one" says Saint Peter, "how many seconds in a year?"


"Now that one's harder," says Forrest. "But, I thunk and thunk about
that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, Saint Peter says, "Twelve! Twelve! Forrest, how in Heaven's

name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February
second, March second....."

"Hold it," interrupts Saint Peter. "I see where you're going with it.
And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I
had in mind. I'll give you credit for that one too."

"Let's go on with the next and final question," says Saint Peter, "Can
you tell me God's first name?"

Forrest says, "Well shore, I know God's first name. Everbody probly
knows it. It's Howard."

"Howard?" asks Saint Peter. "What makes you think it's Howard'?"

Forrest answers, "It's in the prayer."

"The prayer?" asks Saint Peter, "Which prayer?"

"The Lord's Prayer," responds Forrest: "Our Father who art in heaven,
Howard be thy name...."