Humor 1/5/98: Linguistics & Remember When

Hi everyone,

Welcome to my first weekly humor email of the new year. I hope your
Christmas and New Year's was fun and interesting. I had a good time in
New York and in Boston with friends. I watched 5 movies recently, and
recommend 4 of them: Titanic, Good Will Hunting, LA Confidential and
Wings of the Dove.

The first brief humor comes to us from Dave Shim. The second piece
comes from Steve Lee. I'm sending it out because I had lunch with some
friends last Sunday in New York, and we started to talk about what we
remembered from our childhoods. I hope you get a kick out of these.

Please let me know if you want me to take you off of this weekly email
distribution list. Also, if you're interested in getting all the "back
issues" of these weekly humor emails, just let me know. The first one
was on 12/8/96.

Finally, for those of you in the greater Boston area, or if you just
want a good reason to visit Boston, my roommate has organized another
ballroom dancing event. It's on Saturday, Janury 17th, and the lesson
will be on the waltz. You are all invited. Let me know if you're
interested and I'll send you more details.

Well, take care and have a great week! -Josh.
______________________________________________

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day:

"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In
some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
_____________________________________________

Remember when...

This will bring back memories!
You're probably aged 25-30 if...

You wore anything Izod, especially those windbreakers that folded up
into a pouch you could wear around your waist.

You owned a Jordache anything, or you remember when Jordache jeans
were cool.

In your sophomore class picture, you're wearing an Izod shirt with
the collar "up."

Your "dressy" wardrobe centered on pastels and linen blazers ? guys
included.

You know, by heart, the words to a "Weird" Al Yankovic song.

You remember when Madonna was just hitting the scene.

The Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.

"The Reflex" was a cool song.

You remember "Battlestar Galactica."

Three words: "Atari," "Apple," and "Pong."

You remember the days that hooking your computer into your
television wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it was
the ONLY option.

You remember the original version of Windows: Macintosh.

You remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone for
the weekend." (hey, I don't write them, I just fwd them)

You thought "Wierd Science" was a masterpiece.

You remember any or all of the following: Echo & the Bunnymen,
Cutting Crew, Scritti Politti, or Orchestral Maneouvers in the Dark.

Chevy Chase was really funny in those vacation movies.

You remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV.

A predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid."

While in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate
plans to get together again at the end of the century and play
"1999" by Prince over and over again.

You remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was.

You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van.

You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars
behind you in the "tail gunner" position.

You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following
phrases: - "When I was younger" - "When I was your age" - "You
know, back when..." - "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to"

Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the
English language.

You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran,
Madonna, Rick Springfield, or Cyndi Lauper video.

You actually know who Rick Springfield is.

You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the
streets and made your old Big Wheel obsolete.

The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.

You remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever
possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.

You jammed to the Miami Vice theme and thought Jan Hammer was cool.

You wanted to move to Hawaii because that's where Magnum lived.

For the girl crazy bunch: Your first sexual dream occurred to
thoughts of Jeannie, Marsha Brady, Samantha from Bewitched or, for
those
hardcore comic fans out there, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Josie or any
one of
her Pussycats And for the boy crazy bunch: You thought Sean Cassidy
was "dreamy", lusted after "Ted, your ship's photographer" on the Love
Boat and Chachi, or, to keep it fair to the comically interested,
thought Fred was just a hunk on Scooby Doo.

Your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can

only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting."

Guys: You remember when a guy piercing his ear was radical to the max,
but did it anyhow.

This timeline appropriately describes actual events inyour life:
Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think
the creatures are WAY cool. Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in
early double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special
effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of
every collectible out there. Return of the Jedi hits the theaters...you
are now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's
breasts/Han Solo's butt. (again, I didn't write these)

You've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in the
last five years, okay?

You actually remember Benetton.

You're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that
maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad
idea
after all.

You're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your
major degree.

You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon

U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now.

You owned a Trapper Keeper.

You remember when there was only "G, PG and R", none of this PG-13.

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws came out and still
carry the emotional scars to this day.

Wonder twin powers, activate . .form of a an iceberg, shape of a
hammer.

You spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman/Man or
Wonder Woman/the Incredible Hulk.

You remember "Hey, let's be careful out there."

You ever wanted to learn to play "Stairway to Heaven"on the guitar
and choreographed "Dancing Queen" by yourself in your room.

You know all the words to the double album set of Grease. "wella, wella,

wella"

"All-skate, change directions" means something to you.

You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark."

You bought a pair of Vans and wanted to order a pizza in history
class so you could be just like Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times as
Ridgemont High.