04/01/01: Couples' Wishes, 5 Golden Rules

Hi,

I had a really fun and packed weekend. My friend James Sharick's parents
came to visit LA from Indiana, so we went to Warner Bros. Studios for a
tour along with Eddie and Arnold (thanks Daniel!). The highlight was
seeing Guy Pierce (in LA Confidential) in costume for a Steven Spielberg
film called "Time Machine". In the front part of the studio lot (where the
sound stages and most of the filming goes on), we were not allowed to take
any pictures. Once we got to the back lot, I took lots of pictures,
including the exterior of the ER set. Here are the pictures I took at
Warner Bros. Studios:

My friends
http://community.webshots.com/album/12022642JpYDFSpyyo

ER Set
http://community.webshots.com/album/12022581yCQxCtnxqm

Warner Backlot & Others
http://community.webshots.com/album/12022440IktbbDKtaD
http://community.webshots.com/album/12022525iZqNOKngzo

I also went with some APEX friends to West Hollywood for this thing called
"Design Walk 2001". Basically, many of the art and antiques stores stayed
open and had an open house with some refreshments. We walked around quite
a bit and went into many of the Asian art places. One especially memorable
place is Thomas Schoos Design on Melrose, because they built an Asian
garden in the back with lots of art objects, fishes, and comfortable
chairs. If you like Asian furnishings, here are some of my pictures:

http://community.webshots.com/album/12022309qaeIEEPUXU

I played 9 holes of golf (which I haven't played in years and was very
rusty), watched "Enemy at the Gates" (Very good movie, highly recommend
it), and had dessert at Charles & Genevieve's house because our BCEC friend
Angela Lih Chang came down to LA with her husband Tom. So it was a good
time catching up with them.

Last week's puzzle is: "A man was sleeping in a hotel. In the middle of
the night, he woke up and could not go back to sleep. He picked up the
phone and called someone. As soon as he hung up, he fell sound asleep. He
did not know the person he was calling. Why did he call that person?
The book answer: "The neighbor was snoring. That is why he couldn't
sleep. When he made the call, the person woke up and stopped making noise.

This week's puzzle (#196) is: "Two thick ropes hang from a high ceiling
attached to hooks three feet apart. The ends touch the ground. Without
using anything else, and considering that you will die if you fall from
one-quarter of the height of the room, how can you cut the largest amount
possible of each rope with a knife?"

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could change the ending
to one movie you have seen, which one would it be, and how would you
reshoot it?"

Anna Man and Patty Oey forwarded the humor and inspirational pieces,
respectively.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
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Elderly Couples' Wishes

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th
birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because
they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give one wish
each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and boom!
She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly,
"Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.
_________________________________

5 Golden Rules For Finding Your Life Partner (by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.)

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the
prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about
choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a
divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making
serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right! If you ask
most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say:
"We're in love." I believe is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this
may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love
(alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will
come.

Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone.
You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if
you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20
or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to
do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to
share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow
apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a
marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line-
and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis
of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get
"punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A
colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel
afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on
this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to
marry.

QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good
and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What do they
do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic
person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are
essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to
personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone
whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of
doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:
How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are
they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think
about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be
nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc. How do they treat
parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? Do they
show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given
them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who
can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about
others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be
sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you
poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're
married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of
trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts
it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the
worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then
you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key
is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to
ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't
do your homework.