Humor 1/11/98: Star Wars & Why the Chicken

Hey,

This week's humor email seeks to answer a fundamental question: "Why
the Chicken Crossed the Road?" The first part, from Elaine Wong,
contains the responses from your favorite Star Wars characters. (Who
are some of these people?) The second part, from Jennifer Pham, pokes
fun at Andersen Consulting, where I work. (Look at the last response).
Enjoy!

Before we get to the humor, here's something completely different. My
small group recently took the Myers-Briggs or Kiersey-Bates personality
test, and another friend just emailed me to take it. It's really
interesting to take the test and read about your personality traits. I
encourage all of you to take it. If you do, I would be very interested
in finding out your results. Please send me your 4-letter personality
type, and I'll send you mine, if you haven't guessed already.

The URL is: http://www.keirsey.com/cgi-bin/keirsey/newkts.cgi. It's
really fun!

Take care and have a great week!

-Josh.
_______________________________________________

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road...

In the Words of the Star Wars Characters

YODA:
Crossing the road makes not a chicken great.

VADER:
Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

LUKE:
Crossing the road is one thing, this is.... totally different.

LEIA:
I don't know... but I have a bad feeling about this.

HAN:
Hurry up, colonel sanders, or you're gonna be a permanent resident!

THREEPIO:
I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing the road.

ARTOO:
beep beep be bop.

CHEWIE:
Gwrrroooooaaaarrrrrrlllllll!

BEN:
Cross the road, chicken. Let go, chicken. Chicken - trust me.

BOBA FETT:
What if the chicken doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me!

WEDGE:
My scope shows the other side but it looks really far, are you sure you
can cross it?

JERJERROD:
The chicken is crossing the road? We shall double our efforts.

BIB:
Die chicken wanga?

BIGGS:
At that speed, will you be able to cross in time?

TARKIN:
The regional governors now have direct control over their chickens. Fear

will keep those chickens in line... fear of getting hit by a car!

UNCLE OWEN:
I told you to forget it. You're only concern is to cross that road.

AUNT BERU:
He can't stay here forever. Most of his friends have already crossed. It

means so much to him.

ADMIRAL ACKBAR:
All chickens - prepare to cross the road on my mark

LANDO:
Why you slimy, no good, double-crossing chicken!! You got a lot of gots
crossing that road, after what you pulled!

EMPEROR:
Young fool. Only now, after getting hit by a car do you understand.

JABBA:
Bo shuda chicken!

GREEDO:
Oota-Goota chicken?

GEORGE LUCAS:
Give me 20 years and I'll make you a movie of *how* the chicken *got* to

the road!
_______________________________________

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato:
For the greater good.
Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.
Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found
it necessary to cross the road.
Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
depends
upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.
Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Darwin:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.
John Sununu:
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite

understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
Joseph Stalin:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.
Machiavelli:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which
has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear,

for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of
avian
virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Andersen Consulting Consultant:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly
competitive market. AC, in a partnering relationship with the client,
helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and
implementation processes.

Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) AC helped the chicken use its
skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the
chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall
strategy within a Program Management framework. AC convened a diverse
cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with AC
consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in
a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal
knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to
synergize with each other in order to achieve
the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and
implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of
poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park like
setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was
strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent,
clear, and unified market
message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core
values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business
integration solution. AC helped the chicken change to become more
successful.