Humor 3/1/98: If they wrote error messages in haiku

Hi everyone,

I hope your weekend went well. I sure had a good time this weekend with
a lot of different things. This week's humor email comes to us from
Dave Shim. I think it is really funny. Enjoy! This is followed by the
Chicken Soup story.

-Josh.
________________________________________

If they wrote error messages in haiku...

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind:
segmentation fault
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hal, open the file
Hal, open the damn file, Hal
open the, please Hal
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

__________________________________

Oh, How I Loved Her

The clergyman was finishing the graveside service. Suddenly, the
78-year-old man whose wife of 50 years had just died began screaming in
a thick accent, "Oh, oh, oh, how I loved her!" His mournful wail
interrupted the dignified quiet of the ceremony. The other family and
friends standing around the grave looked shocked and embarrassed. His
grown children, blushing, tried to shush their father. "It's okay, Dad;
we understand, Shush." The old man stared fixedly at the casket lowering
slowly into the grave. The clergyman went on. Finishing, he invited the
family to shovel some dirt onto the coffin as a mark of the finality of
death. Each, in turn, did so with the exception of the old man. "Oh,
how I loved her!" he moaned loudly. His daughter and two sons again
tried to restrain him, but he continued, "I loved her!"

Now, as the rest of those gathered around began leaving the grave, the
old man stubbornly resisted. He stayed, staring into the grave. The
clergyman approached. "I know how you must feel, but it's time to leave.
We all must leave and go on with life."

"Oh, how I loved her!" the old man moaned, miserably. "You don't
understand," he said to the clergyman, "I almost told her once."

By Hanoch McCarty, Ed.D.
from A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Barry Spilchuk