Humor 10/12/98: Interview Stories

Hey,

I hope your weekend went well, especially for those of you in Boston who
went to the Fall Conference. Please do email me and let me know how it
went.

Good news! My phone number is finally connected! Feel free to call me
and say hi.

This past week was the first full week of classes, and it was packed!
We have lot's of work already. However, I'm enjoying being in a
completely learning mode. I've also signed up for a huge number of
clubs and other activities.

Since all of us a B-school anywhere are always looking for a job, this
week's humor email is on the subject of interviewing. The email was
forwarded by Jennifer Chin. The very touching story after that comes
from Michelle Chan. Enjoy!

-Josh.
__________________________________

We have all been through job interviews, and we have spent most of the
time of what not to do that might make us look bad. Some job applicants
however go light years beyond this. What follows is a survey of top
personnel executives of 100 major American corporations who were asked
for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. What follows is an
unbelievable list of what we can only call "the lowlights."

1. Said he was so well qualified that if he didn't get the job, it would
prove that the company's management was incompetent.

2. Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.

3. Brought her large dog to the interview.

4. Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles.

5. Candidate kept giggling through a serious interview.

6. She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at
the same time.

7. Bald candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned a few minutes later
wearing a hairpiece.

8. Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle.

9. Asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive
was qualified to judge the candidate.

10. Announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and
french fries during the interview.

11. Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during the
middle of an interview.

12. Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as vice president of
finance.

13. Said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having
the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

14. Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific
interview questions.

15. Wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call
the police.

16. When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap
dancing around my office.

17. Had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him.

18. Bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly
thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet.

19. Took the brush out of my purse and brushed his hair and then left.

20. Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me.
Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.

21. Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to ensure that
the offer was formal.

22. Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much.

23. While I was on a long distance phone call, the applicant took out a
copy of Penthouse and looked through the photos only, stopping longest
at the centerfold.

24. During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's
briefcase. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to
leave for another interview.

25. A telephone call came in for the job applicant during the
interview. It was his wife. His side of the conversation went like
this: 'which company? When do I start? What's the salary?' I said, "I
assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further."
He promptly responded, "I am as long as you will pay me more." I didn't
hire him, but later found out there was no job offer. It was scam to
get a higher offer.

26. The applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the
other shoe was stolen off her foot on the bus.

27. His attache case opened when he picked it up and the contents
spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments, assorted make-up and perfume.

28. He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the reception
area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require
indoor parking for the moped.

29. He took off his shoe and sock, applying medicated foot powder and
dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back on the
shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a
day and this was the time.

30. Candidate said he really didn't want the job, but the unemployment
office needed proof that he was looking for one.

31. He whistled when the interviewer was talking.

32. Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk.
When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my
phone number. I called security.

33. She threw-up on my desk and immediately starting asking questions
about the job as if nothing happened.

34. Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if
he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state
why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He
then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was
injured, but I needed to get a new desk.

35. Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview.
____________________________

LITTLE TEDDY STODDARD

There is a story many years ago of an elementary teacher. Her name was
Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the
very first day of school, she told the children a lie. Like most
teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all
the same. But that was impossible, because there in the front row,
slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he
didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy
and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant.
It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in
marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then
putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review
each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However,
when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise. Teddy's first
grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He
does his work neatly and has good manners...he is a joy to be around."
His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well
liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a
terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle." His third grade
teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do
his best but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life
will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken." Teddy's fourth grade
teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in
school. He doesn't have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of
herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas
presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for
Teddy's. His present, which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown
paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open
it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to
laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones
missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she
stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the
bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her
wrist.

Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say,
"Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the
children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she
quit
teaching reading, and writing, and arithmetic. Instead, she began to
teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As
she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she
encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy
had become one of the smartest
children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the
children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her
that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six
years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote
that
he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the
best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Four years after that, she
got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times,
he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from
college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she
was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he
explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a
little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and
favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.
The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D.

The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that
spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was going to be married. He
explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was
wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the place at the
wedding that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of
course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the
one with several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she was wearing
the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last
Christmas together.

They hugged each, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear,
"Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for
making me feel important and showing me that I could make a
difference." Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She
said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that
I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."
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Warm someone's heart today.... Pass it along.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/