Humor 5/19/98: New Drugs for Men

Hi everyone,

Sorry for not sending out this humor email on Sunday night. I've been
very busy with packing, hanging out with friends, attending a bachelor
party, etc. I'm also putting the "Thoughtful Question" and the touching
story features on hold for this week.

This week's humor email was sent to me by Erik Smith and Dave Shim.
Enjoy!

-Josh.

P.S. I'll be in San Jose/San Francisco/LA from Thursday to next
Tuesday. As a result, I'll be sending this humor email next Tuesday
night, which you'll get on Wednesday morning. Also, please make sure
that my email address in your electronic address books is:
joshli@post.harvard.edu.
____________________________________________

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs
oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society....

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got
lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to

actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge
to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and
"little accidents."

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new
clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to
buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug
for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can
be continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return
limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to
turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family
members.

FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases
back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long
car rides.

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with
O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Expecially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the
test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of
other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into
"special prosecutors."

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked
about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and
Presidential Strength versions.