Humor 4/12/98: Jesus The Great Programmer

Hey,

Happy Easter everyone! In response to last week's thought provoking
question, one person thought it was impossible to love two people
equally, one thought it was possible, and one person thought that that
it was possible, but the only person who could do it is Jesus Christ. I
agree with the last person's comments. I think it's impossible for us
normal human beings to love two people equally.

It took me a while to think of this week's question. Please send me any
questions that you can think of! This week's question is: "If you
could go back in time and re-live your life starting from birth, would
you do it? Why or why not?"

This being Easter, I've selected the humor and the stories to have a
Christian focus. The humor email comes from Elton Lee, the first story
was forwarded by Frank Ai, and the second story forwarded by Jennifer
Chin. Many of you probably already read these stories. Enjoy!

By the way, my brother sent me info about a company that offers free
Internet access. You can check out their web site at:
www.tritium.com.

-Josh.
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Jesus the Great Programmer

Between moments of dispensing wisdom, it seems that historical religious
leaders had also learned software programming. One day, a great contest
was held to test their skills. After days and days of fierce
competition, only two leaders remained for the last day's event: Jesus
and Mohammed.

The judge described the software application required for the final
test, and gave the signal to start writing code. The two contestants
feverishly typed away on their keyboards. Routines, classes, applets,
and applications flew by on their screens at incredible speeds.
Windows, dialogs, and other intricate graphics began forming on their
monitors. The clock showed that the contest would soon be finished.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning flashed and the power went out. After a
moment it came back on - just in time for the clock to announce that the
last competition was over.

The judge asked the two contestants to reveal their finished software.
Mohammed angrily said that he'd lost it all in the power outage. The
judge turned to the other competitor. Jesus smiled, clicked a mouse and
a dazzling application appeared on his screen. After just a few
moments, the judge was clearly impressed and declared Jesus the winner.

When asked why the decision was made, the judge pointed out the unique
characteristic that set the winner apart from all the other leaders:

Jesus saves.
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Story 1: It Takes Guts to Say "Jesus"

This is a true story of something that happened just a few years ago at
USC. There was a professor of philosophy there who was a deeply
committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend
the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn't exist. His
students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable
logic.

For twenty years, he had taught this class and no one had ever had the
courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but
no one had ever 'really gone against him' (you'll see what I mean
later). Nobody would go against him because he had a reputation.

At the end of every semester, on the last day, he would say to his class
of 300 students, "If there anyone here who still believes in Jesus,
stand up!" And in 20 years, none stood up, because they knew what he was
going to do next. He would say, "because anyone who does believe in God
is a fool. If God existed, He could stop this piece of chalk from
hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that He is
God, and yet He can't do it." and every year, he would drop the chalk
onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred
pieces.

All of the students could do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the
students were convinced that God couldn't exist. Certainly, a number of
Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years, they had been too
afraid to stand up.

Well, a few years ago, there was a freshman who happened to get enrolled
in the class. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about this
professor. He had to take the class because it was one of the required
classes for his major - and he was afraid. But for 3 months that
semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to
stand up no matter what the professor said or what the class thought.
Nothing they said or did could ever shatter his faith, he hoped.
Finally the day came. The professor said, "If there is anyone here who
still believes in God, stand up!" The professor and the class of 300
people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the
classroom. The professor shouted, "You FOOL!! If God existed, He could
keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!" He
proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his
fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleats of his pants, down his leg,
and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away, unbroken.

The professor's jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at
him and then ran out of the lecture hall. The young man who had stood up
proceeded to walk to the front of the room and share his faith in Jesus
for the next half hour. 300 students stayed and listened as he told of
God's love for them and of his power through Jesus.

"Yet to all who received HIM, to those who believed in HIS name, HE gave
the right to become children of God--children born not of natural
descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of GOD."

"But HE knows the way that I take. When HE has tested me, I will come
forth as gold." Job 23:10
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Story 2: HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago. One day I saw a
sign that read, "HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE". I got a little closer the
door came open wide, and when I came to myself I was standing inside. I
saw a host of ANGELS. They were standing everywhere. One handed me a
basket and said, "My Child shop with care". Everything a Christian needs
was in that grocery store. And all you couldn't carry, you could come
back the next day for more.

First, I got some PATIENCE: LOVE was in the same row. Further down
was UNDERSTANDING: you need that everywhere you go. I got a box or
two of WISDOM, a bag or two of FAITH. I just couldn't miss the HOLY
GHOST, for it was all over the place. I stopped to get some STRENGTH
and COURAGE to help me run this race. By then my basket was
getting full, but I remembered I needed some GRACE. I didn't forget
SALVATION, for SALVATION was free, so I tried to get enough of that to
save both you and me. Then I started up to the counter to pay my
grocery bill, for I thought I had everything to do the MASTER'S will.

As I went up the aisle, I saw PRAYER: and I just had to put that in,
for I knew when I stepped outside, I would run into sin. PEACE AND JOY
were plentiful; they were last on the shelf. SONG and PRAISE were
hanging near, so I just helped myself.

Then I said to the angel, "Now, how much do I owe?" He smiled and
said, "Just take them everywhere you go." Again, I smiled and said,
"How much do I really owe?" He smiled again and said, "MY CHILD, JESUS
PAID YOUR BILL A LONG, LONG TIME AGO." "ALL THINGS WHATSOEVER YOU SHALL
ASK IN PRAYER, BELIEVING, YOU SHALL RECEIVE." (MATTHEW 21:22)