Humor 3/23/98: Somewhere in the Soviet Union in the 1930's

Hey,

OK, by now, you're probably tired of my normal, "I hope you had a good
weekend" opening sentence. Frankly, I'm tired of that too. So, I want
to try something new. How about, I'll ask a thought provoking question,
and you can feel free to send me an answer if you want to? I'll publish
some of the sample answers in next week's humor email, unless you tell
me not to. So, this week's question is: "Which is more important,
honesty or loyalty? Why?" (I don't know whether I've seen this
question recently, or it just came to me. Also feel free to send me a
thought provoking question for next week.)

This week's humor email comes from Dave Shim, followed by a Chicken Soup
story. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_______________________________________

Somewhere in the Soviet Union in the 1930's:

The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this KGB?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as a enemy of the
State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the KGB goons go over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the
shed where the firewood is kept, break
every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and
leave.

The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.

"Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"

"Yes."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yes, they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."
___________________________________

It's Never Too Late

Several years ago, while attending a communications course, I
experienced a most unusual process. The instructor asked us to
list anything in our past that we felt ashamed of, guilty about,
regretted, or incomplete about. The next week he invited
participants to read their lists aloud. This seemed like a very private
process, but there's always some brave soul in the crowd
who will volunteer. As people read their lists, mine grew longer. After
three weeks, I had 101 items on my list. The instructor
then suggested that we find ways to make amends, apologize to people, or
take some action to right any wrongdoing. I was
seriously wondering how this could ever improve my communications,
having visions of alienating just about everyone from my life.

The next week, the man next to me raised his hand and volunteered this
story:

"While making my list, I remembered an incident from high school. I grew
up in a small town in Iowa. There was a sheriff in
town that none of us kids liked. One night, my two buddies and I decided
to play a trick on Sheriff Brown. After drinking a few beers, we found a
can of red paint, climbed the tall water tank in the middle of town, and
wrote, on the tank, in bright red
letters: Sheriff Brown is an s.o.b. The next day, the town arose to see
our glorious sign. Within two hours, Sheriff Brown had my two pals and
me in his office. My friends confessed and I lied, denying the truth. No
one ever found out.

"Nearly 20 years later, Sheriff Brown's name appears on my list. I
didn't even know if he was still alive. Last weekend, I
dialed information in my hometown back in Iowa. Sure enough, there was a
Roger Brown still listed. I dialed his number. After
a few rings, I heard: `Hello?' I said: `Sheriff Brown?' Pause. `Yup.'
`Well, this is Jimmy Calkins. And I want you to know that
I did it.' Pause. `I knew it!' he yelled back. We had a good laugh and a
lively discussion. His closing words were: `Jimmy, I
always felt badly for you because your buddies got it off their chest,
and I knew you were carrying it around all these years. I
want to thank you for calling me...for your sake.'"

Jimmy inspired me to clear up all 101 items on my list. It took me
almost two years, but became the springboard and true
inspiration for my career as a conflict mediator. No matter how
difficult the conflict, crisis or situation, I always remember
that it's never too late to clear up the past and begin resolution.

By Marilyn Manning
from Condensed Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Patty Hansen