Humor 3/9/98: Spam Haikus

Hey,

I hope your weekend was fun and eventful. For those of you who liked
the "Fugitive", you may also like "US Marshals". The plot is very
similar to the "Fugitive", but it was still fairly entertaining. I
liked it.

This week's humor email comes to us from Jennifer Chin, who works for
Andersen in New York. You will get the humor much more if you've ever
eaten spam. The humor is followed by a Chicken Soup story. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_____________________________________

1.
Blue can of steel
What promise do you hold?
Salt flesh so ripe

2.
Can of metal, slick
Soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt

3.
Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aah, my poultice

4.
Silent, former pig
One communal awareness
Myriad pink bricks

5.
Clad in metal, proud
No mere salt-curing for you
You are not bacon

6.
And who dares mock Spam?
You? you? you are not worthy
Of one rich pink fleck

7.
Like some spongy rock
Of granite, my piece of Spam
In sunlight on my plate

8.
Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan

9.
Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?

10.
In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of Spam
A dog barks next door

11.
Pink tender morsel
Glistening with salty gel
What the hell is it?

12.
Ears, snouts and innards
A homogenous mass
Pass another slice

13.
Old man seeks doctor
"I eat Spam daily", he says.
Angioplasty

14.
Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this "food"
A small pink coffin

15.
Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain
Vegetarian
_________________________________

>From the Heart of a Joyous Child

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

I write this letter to you in hopes that you will consider
your approach to parenting me before I arrive. I am a joyous

child. I thrive on love and respect, order and consistency.
When
I arrive, I will seem very small to you. Even though I don't
look
like an adult, please understand that I am a human being.

Even though I will not speak words to you, I will know you
with my heart. I will feel all your feelings, absorb your
thoughts. I will come to know you more than you may know
yourself. Do not be misled by my silence. I am open, growing
and
learning more rapidly than you can imagine.

I will make imprints of all that I see, so please give me
beauty to rest my eyes upon. I will record all that I hear,
so
please give me sweet music and language that tells me how
much I
am loved. Give me silence to rest my ears. I will absorb all
that
I feel, so please wrap our life in love.

I am waiting patiently to be with you. I am so happy to have
the opportunity to be alive. Maybe when you see me you will
remember how precious life is too!
Your joyous child

By Donna McDermott
from A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Barry
Spilchuk