Humor 3/30/98: Manager Quotes

Hi everyone,

Welcome to those of you who are getting this for the first time,
especially if I met you at Saturday's ballroom dancing event. I watched
"Grease" today, and it's pretty good. Boy can the people in that movie
dance. It ties in well with our ballroom dancing theme.

Last week, I asked the thought provoking question: "Which is more
important....honesty or loyalty?" There were 4 responses for honesty, 1
for loyalty, and 2 for it depends. My response would be for honesty as
well. I like what Henry Lee wrote:

W/o a doubt...honesty.....honesty is being true to yourself....loyalty
is being true to others (and from your question, implies sacrificing
self honesty) .....once you've put loyalty above being honest with
yourself, you've sold out your soul and lost your core......

This week's thought provoking question is: "What is a better motivator
of people, the carrot or the stick? Why?" Please send me your thoughts
and let me know if don't want it published. Also, send me your thought
provoking questions.

This week's humor email comes from Henry Lee as well, followed by a
Chicken Soup story. Enjoy!

-Josh.
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A magazine ran a Dilbert quotes contest. These are quotes from actual
managerial staff.

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be
taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two
weeks." (This was the winning quote from Charles Hurst at Sun
Microsystems)

"What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter."

"How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?"

"Email is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
only be used for company business."

"Turnover is good for the company, as it proves that we are doing a good
job in training people."

"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it."

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let
you know when it's time to tell them."
____________________________________________

Class Reunion

It's amazing how a phone call can totally turn one's life upside down.
It had been a former high school classmate asking
for help with our 20-year reunion.

Had it been 20 years already?

I shuddered. Cold chills went up and down my spine as tiny beads of
sweat popped out on my forehead. What had I done with my life in the
past 20 years?

I glanced in the mirror. I examined every tiny crevice, starting with my
hairline, down past those patronizing "smile lines" to the base of my
neck. No double chin yet, I thought.

The next few weeks were pure hell. Each day began with a 6:30 a.m. run
in futile attempt to bounce off the unsightly baggage that had somehow
accumulated on my thighs overnight. I went shopping for the perfect
dress - you know, the one that
would make me look 20 years younger. Three dress shops later, I came to
my senses. There was only one logical explanation: I was having a
mid-life crisis.

I realized that the funny, crunching noise I heard each night as I
climbed the stairs was really my knees. Bran flakes had become a part of
my daily routine - and not because they were my favorite cereal.

Life just hadn't turned out the way I'd planned. Sure, I was happy. I
had a wonderful husband and two great kids. But somehow, working
part-time as a secretary and mom hardly fit my definition of someone my
classmates had voted as "most likely to succeed." Had I really wasted
20 years?

About the time I was ready to throw in the towel, my seven-year-old
tapped me on the shoulder. "I love you, Mom. Give me a
kiss."

You know, I'm actually looking forward to the next 20 years.

By Lynne C. Gaul
from Condensed Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Patty Hansen