Humor 5/11/98: Travel

Hey,

In response to last week's thought provoking question, all 6 people
answered yes, that they learned more in defeat than in victory. (Maybe
I'm oversimplifying some people's responses). I'd have to agree.

This week's question is #49 from "201 Great Questions" by Jerry Jones.
"Which one of the following traits do you think is the most important to
instill in a child's life?
- obedience, conformity, tolerance of opposing views, patriotism, good
manners, independence (thinking and acting for yourself)
Why? Which of these traits do you think is least important to instill
in children? Why?

This week's humor comes from Dave Shim, followed by a story sent to me
from about 5 of you. Enjoy!

-Josh.

P.S. I'll be in Asia from June 7th to August 25th. So, unless I come
up with an alternative, these weekly emails will be put on hold. Also,
if you're currently sending me humor emails, please remove me from your
distribution lists on June 5th until when I get back. Thanks!
__________________________________________

Travel Humor

The following are actual stories told by travel agents (and you wonder
why US citizens generally score less than the rest of the world on
geography).

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to

California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to
explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she
interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the

stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown
is in Africa." Her response? Click.

A secretary called in looking for a hotel in Los Angeles. She gave me
various names off a list, none of which I could find I finally had her
fax me the list. To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in New
Orleans, Louisiana. She thought the LA stood for Los Angeles, and that
New Orleans was a suburb of LA. Worst of all, when I called her back,
she was not even embarrassed.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was
wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando

is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked
on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from
Canada?" I said, "No." He said, "But they look so close on the map."
Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I
pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a one-hour lay-over in
Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard

Dallas was a big airport and I need a car to drive between the gates to
save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that
her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 am and got into Chicago at 8:33 am.

I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she
could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the
plane went very fast and she bought that.

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on
your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why
do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline,
they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there

any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked

into it" (I was actually laughing). I came back and explained the city
code for Fresno is FAT and that the airline was just putting a
destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these damn
planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those
computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed
in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I

reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't, I've been to China many

times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure
enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look,
I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my
American Express."
_____________________________

A Story To Live By by Ann Wells (Los Angeles Times)

My Brother in-Law opened up a dresser drawer and lifted out a
tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is
lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It
was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace.
The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.
"Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or
9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special
occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip
from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were
taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material
for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to
me. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day
you're alive is a special occasion."

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that
followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad
chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on
the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where
my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things that
she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things
that she had done without realizing that they were special.

I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life.
I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and
admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden.

I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time
in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern
of experience to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these
moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for
every special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink
unstopped, the first camellia blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory
is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag
of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for
special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks
have noses that function as well as my party-going friends'.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my
vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to
see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would
have done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow
we
all take for granted. I think she would have called family members
and a few close friends. She might have called a few former
friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles.
I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner,
her favorite food. I'm guessing-I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if
I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing
good Friends whom I was going to get in touch with-someday.
Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to
write-one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my
husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.
I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything
that would add laughter and luster to our lives.

And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is
special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is...a gift from God.