Humor 4/20/98: Ode to Spellcheckers

Hi everyone,

I hope all of you had a great weekend. I certainly had a great time in
Philadelphia this weekend at Darshak and Elizabeth's wedding
(Congratulations!). It was good to see many of you, coming from all
over the U.S. and Asia. Sorry I didn't get a chance to compose this
email yesterday. By the time I drove back to Boston, it was already
really late.

In response to my thought-provoking question last week, whether you
would want to re-live your life, three said yes and one said no. Some
of the yes votes wanted to know everything that they did in this life so
that they can improve on the choices that they have made. I think that
I would probably want to re-live my life if I could retain my
experiences.

This week's question comes from Genevieve Yim, who says that the
question comes from "Anne of Green Gables" (a really good book / movie,
by the way, if you haven't read/seen it). The question is:

Which would you rather be if you had the choice-- divinely beautiful,
dazzlingly clever, or angelically good?

This week's humor comes from Dave Shim (good to see you this past
weekend), followed by a Chicken Soup story. Enjoy!

-Josh.
____________________________________

Ode to Spellcheckers

I have a spelling checker
I disk covered four my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.
Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore wee rote with checkers
Hour spelling was inn deck line,
Butt now when wee dew have a laps,
Wee are not maid too wine.
And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults in awl this peace,
Of nun eye am a wear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
That's why eye brake in two averse
Cuz Eye dew want too please.
Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye
This soft wear four pea seas.

Author Unknown
__________________________________________

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Linda Birtish literally gave herself away. Linda was an outstanding
teacher who felt that if she had the time, she would like to create
great art and poetry. When she was 28, however, she began to get severe
headaches. Her doctors discovered that she had an enormous brain tumor.
They told her that her chances of surviving an operation were about 2
percent. Therefore, rather than operate immediately, they chose to wait
for six months.

She knew she had great artistry in her. So during those six months she
wrote and drew feverishly. All of her poetry, except one piece, was
published in magazines. All of her art, except one piece, was shown and
sold at some of the leading galleries.

At the end of six months, she had the operation. The night before the
operation, she decided to literally give herself away. In case of her
death, she wrote a "will," in which she donated all of her body parts to
those who needed them more than she would.

Unfortunately, Linda's operation was fatal. Subsequently, her eyes went
to an eye bank in Bethesda, Maryland, and from there to a recipient in
South Carolina. A young man, age 28, went from darkness to sight. That
young man was so profoundly grateful that he wrote to the eye bank
thanking them for existing. It was only the second "thank you" that the
eye bank had received after giving out in excess of 30,000 eyes!

Furthermore, he said he wanted to thank the parents of the donor. They
must indeed be magnificent folks to have a child who would give away her
eyes. He was given the name of the Birtish family and he decided to fly
to see them on Staten Island. He arrived unannounced and rang the
doorbell. After hearing his introduction, Mrs. Birtish reached out and
embraced him. She said, "Young man, if you've got nowhere to go, my
husband and I would love for you to spend your weekend with us."

He stayed, and as he was looking around Linda's room, he saw that she'd
read Plato. He'd read Plato in Braille. She'd read Hegel. He'd read
Hegel in Braille. The next morning Mrs. Birtish was looking at him and
said, "you know, I'm sure I've seen you somewhere before, but I don't
know where." All of a sudden she remembered. She ran upstairs and pulled
out the last picture Linda had ever drawn. It was a portrait of her
ideal man. The picture was virtually identical to this young man who had
received Linda's eyes. Then her mother read the last poem Linda had
written on her deathbed. It read:

Two hearts passing in the night falling in love never able to gain each
other's sight.

By Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen from Condensed Chicken Soup for
the Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Patty Hansen