Humor 12/13/98: Star Wars vs. Star Trek

Hey,

I'm taking a study break to compose this weekly humor email. My first
final starts tomorrow morning. For those of you who are my classmates,
I hope our HR final went well.

On Friday night, I took another study break and watched the new Start
Trek movie with some friends. I enjoyed it and recommend it. What was
really cool was the trailer for the new Star Wars movie. A classmate
had already showed us the trailer in class. Watching the trailer in a
large theater with the surround sound and visual effect gave me goose
bumps. I can't wait for it to come out next spring. It's
awe-inspiring.

In light of the watching both Star Trek and Star Wars together, this
week's humor email is one I sent out on February 10th, 1997. The
inspirational story following the humor was forwarded by Monica Quock.
Enjoy!

To my classmates, best wishes on your finals!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

Top Ten Reasons Why the Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt in the Star
Trek Universe

10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on
"stun".

9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit
and a crew of twenty just to go into warp-- the Millennium Falcon does
the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.

8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader,
Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable-- after piddly Cardassian
starvation and torture, Picard looked like hell.

7) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his
action.

6) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he
encounters.

5) One word: lightsabers.

4) The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named
Slave I.

3) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is Class M or not.

2) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.

1) Picard pilots the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at
one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it.
___________________________________

A CHRISTMAS STORY

It was only five days before Christmas. The spirit of the season hadn't
yet caught up with me, even though cars packed the parking lot of our
Houston area Target Shopping Center. Inside the store, it was worse.
Shopping carts and last minute shoppers jammed the aisles.

Why did I come today? I wondered. My feet ached almost as much as my
head. My list contained names of several people who claimed they wanted
nothing, but I knew their feelings would be hurt if I didn't buy them
anything. Buying for someone who had everything and deploring the high
cost of items, I considered gift-buying anything but fun.

Hurriedly, I filled my shopping cart with last minute items and
proceeded to the long checkout lines. I picked the shortest but it
looked as if it would mean at least a 20 minute wait.

In front of me were two small children, a boy of about 10 and a younger
girl about 5. The boy wore a ragged coat. Enormously large, tattered
tennis shoes jutted far out in front of his much too short jeans. He
clutched several crumpled dollar bills in his grimy hands. The girl's
clothing resembled her brother's. Her head was a matted mass of curly
hair. Reminders of an evening meal showed on her small face.

She carried a beautiful pair of shiny, gold house slippers. As the
Christmas music sounded in the store's stereo system, the girl hummed
along off-key but happily.

When we finally approached the checkout register, the girl carefully
placed the shoes on the counter. She treated them as though they were a
treasure. The clerk rang up her bill. "That will be $6.09" the clerk
said, the boy laid his crumpled dollars atop the stand while he searched
his pockets finally coming up with $3.12.

"I guess we will have to put them back, " he bravely said. "We will
come back some other time, maybe tomorrow."

With that statement, a soft sob broke from the little girl. "But Jesus
would have loved these shoes," she cried.

"Well, we'll go home and work some more. Don't cry. We'll come back,"
he said.

Quickly I handed $3.00 to the cashier. These children had waited in
line for a long time. And, after all, it was Christmas.

Suddenly a pair of arms came around me and a small voice said, "Thank
you Sir." "What did you mean when you said Jesus would like the
shoes?" I asked.

The small boy answered, "Our mommy is sick and going to heaven. Daddy
said she might go before Christmas to be with Jesus."

The girl spoke, "My Sunday school teacher said the streets in heaven are
shiny gold, just like these shoes. Won't mommy be beautiful walking on
those streets to match these shoes?"

My eyes flooded as I looked into her tear streaked face. "Yes," I
answered, "I am sure she will."

Silently I thanked God for using these children to remind me of the true
spirit of giving. Christmas is not about the amount of money paid, nor
the amount of gifts purchased, nor trying to impress friends and
relatives.

Christmas is about the love in your heart to share with those as Jesus
Christ has shared with each of us. Christmas is about the Birth of
Jesus whom God sent to show the world how much he really loves us.

Please show this love as we think of the upcoming season.

--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/