Humor 7/31/00: Centipede Does Chores & Relationships

Hi everyone,

This past weekend I went to Laguna Niguel to watch "Pageant of the
Masters". My friend, Jenny Feng works at Avery Dennison and she got
free tickets for a group of her friends. It's kind of hard to explain,
but in this show, human being become characters in famous paintings.
They wear costumes that are painted to match the original painting.
When the set and characters are assembled, it really looks like a flat
two-dimensional painting, as oppose to a three dimensional human being.
The grand finale is Da Vinci's Last Supper. They literally have 13
people posed on the stage and it exactly looks like the restored version
of the famous painting. Very cool! While the show is going on, there
is an orchestra that is playing classical music in between the
narration.

Quite a few of you sent me your answers to last week's question. The
largest number of responses concerning one thing you want to cancel
everyday is sleep. Another person wrote, "getting older".

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could inherit a
vacation home anywhere in the world in which you could spend one month a
year, but that you could never sell, where would it be?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Anna Man, followed by an
inspirational piece also forwarded by Anna.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
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A single man wanted someone to help him with the household chores, so he
decided to get a pet to help out. He went to the local pet shop and
asked the owner for advice on a suitable animal. The owner suggested a
dog, but the man said, "Nah, dogs can't do dishes." The owner then
suggested a cat, but the man said, "Nah, cats can't do the ironing."
Finally the owner suggests a centipede, "This is the perfect pet for
you. It can do anything!" "OK," the man thought, "I'll give it a try,"
so he bought it and took it home.

Once home he told the centipede to wash the dishes. The centipede looks
over and there are piles and piles of dirty dishes that look to be a
month old. Five minutes later, all the pots are washed, dried, and put
away.
"Great," thought the man. Now he told the centipede to do the dusting
and vacuuming. Fifteen minutes later the house is spotless. Wow,
thought the man, so he decided to try another idea.

"Go down to the corner and get me the evening paper," he told the
centipede, and off it went. Fifteen minutes later, the centipede hadn't
returned. 30 minutes later and still no centipede. Forty-five minutes
and the man was sick of waiting, so he got up and went out to look for
the centipede. As he opened the front door, there on the step was the
centipede. "Hey, whatcha' doing there? I sent you out for the paper 45
minutes ago and now I find you out here without the paper!
What gives?"

"Hold on a minute!" said the centipede, "I'm still putting on my boots!"

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RELATIONSHIPS
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go off or
at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not-going-anywhere relationships.

Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or
appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets
to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your
life.

"An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes
open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and
make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to
warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone
or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing
bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share
a life together. Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect
for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you
compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare
and control? What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make
someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself making
someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your
pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the
ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.
Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a
relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong?
1. COMMUNICATION
2. INTIMACY
3. A SENSE OF HUMOR
4. SHARING HOUSEHOLD TASKS
5. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a
note)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE, GIVING
EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
"resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain will
replace the passion."

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.
Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.