Humor 6/19/00: Airline Humor & Love Saboteurs

Hi everyone,

I graduated this past Friday. The ceremony itself was a bit long.
Everyone who gave or received an award spoke for a few minutes.
However, it was good to take some pictures with my classmates. I'll
post the pictures next week, when I go back on campus to use the high
speed Internet connection to post the pictures.

Some of you know that I took "International Business Negotiations" this
past quarter. Well, I had a chance to apply some of what I learned
today. My parents and I went to Tijuana, Mexico for the day. We went
down to San Diego yesterday, and visited some of my parents' friends.
Then we stayed overnight in San Diego. This morning we took the trolley
from San Diego to the border and walked across. In our class, we had a
simulation of bargaining for goods on the street in a foreign country
using just a calculator. Today, however, all the store vendors
bargained with us in English. What we learned in class, which was
reinforced today, is the importance of walking away from the
negotiations. They inevitably drop their prices when you start to walk
away.

Are you a big Star Trek fan? I took my parents to the Japanese Garden,
which is part of the Water Reclamation Plant in Van Nuys. The
administration building looks very futuristic. They often film Star
Trek scenes in this Japanese Garden with the administration building in
the background. The garden is also very scenic. I'll post the pictures
I took of this place next week as well.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could suddenly
possess an extraordinary talent in one of the arts, what would you like
it to be?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Gar Bo Wong, followed by an
inspirational piece forwarded by Kelly Chu.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
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Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported.

1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways to leave
your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you
wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold
outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope
you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for
a ride.

4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National,
a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

5. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest
Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into
the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and
if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the
mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling
with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

6. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

7. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

8. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

9. "Last one off the plane must clean it."

10.From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
some of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately none
of them are on this flight...!

11.Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"

12.Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to
the terminal."

13. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy
which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ
airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time
looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little
old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a
question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little
old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

14. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant
came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your
way through the wreckage to the terminal.

15. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
__________________________________________

Read: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The Love Saboteurs

It's the same old story," she lamented. "I meet this great guy, and then
I find out he's not so great." Yet another flamed-out relationship with
yet another guy.

But the not-so-great guy had a similar story. "I guess she's just not
what I'm looking for," he said with a shrug.

Well, what is he looking for? And how did these two arrive at their
conclusions? Who knows?

Perhaps the problem is in their expectations. They may have an
unrealistic understanding of relationships that has turned them into
unwitting "love saboteurs"--agents of destruction for every relationship
they approach.

In her case, she's starved for attention from the right guy. She knows
he's out there somewhere, and if she just looks long enough she'll find
him. And then, then, she'll finally be a whole person. Try living up to
that, guys.

He's living for the rush that comes from getting someone to fall for
him. He's not looking for love; he's stalking a kill.

Others blow up relationships in different ways, like rating possible
romantic interests with a mental checklist. They don't see people; they
see merchandise.

We enter relationships expecting something from someone else. But that's
wrong. Relationships--romantic or otherwise--take work! We should
expect it. Friendships and kinships will be full of inconveniences if
they are to mean anything.

The apostle Paul, who made a ministry out of inconvenience, wrote in
Philippians 2:4, "Look not only to your own interests, but also to the
interests of others." He echoed that idea in 1 Corinthians 13:7, "[Love]
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Is
that the way we are treating friends, family, potential life partners?

We are instructed to put the needs of others above our own. Until we can
do that, we're really not ready to be serious with anyone.

Human beings don't come made-to-order. They come with feelings and hopes
and dreams--and they are all too easily wounded. Today, learn about
someone else's dreams, instead of just chasing your own. --TG

REFLECTION

Relationship Checklist: How do I approach potential relationships? Do I
value people for who they are? Or do I think about what he or she can do
for me?

Is it possible that I am using my friends? Do I even know what their
dreams and plans are? Am I too busy telling them what I want?

Relationships don't work; people work out relationships!

>From Campus Journal