Humor 1/4/99: Kid's Thoughts About Marriage

Hi everyone,

Congratulations to Charles & Genevieve on their beautiful wedding
yesterday! It was good seeing so many of you guys this past week as you
came to visit the LA area. I'm glad we had a chance to catch up.

This week's humor email, forwarded by Dave Shim, concerns marriage and
romance, but from a kid's perspective. After that is a good Chicken
Soup story.

Enjoy!

-Josh.

P.S. I'll be the in San Francisco bay area this coming week. Hopefully
we'll get a chance to meet up.

P.P.S. Please continue to send any emails to me at:
joshli@post.harvard.edu. This permanent email address will forward any
incoming emails to whatever my latest email address happens to be. I
only use the joshli@ucla.edu address for these weekly humor emails.
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THE TRUTH ABOUT ROMANCE

How Does a Person Decide
Who to Marry?

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means
you try the next one."
Kally, age 9

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming."
Allan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who
you're stuck with."
Kirsten, age 10

Concerning the Proper Age
to Get Married

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then!"
Cam, age 10

"No age is good to get married at.... You got to be a fool to get
married!"
Freddie, age 6


How Can a Stranger Tell if
Two People are Married?

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."
Eddie, age 6

"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids."
Derrick, age 8

What Do You Think Your Mom and Dad
Have in Common?

"Both don't want no more kids."
Lori, age 8


What Do Most People Do on a Date?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."

Lynnette, age 8

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
Martin, age 10


What the Children Would Do on a
First Date That Was Turning Sour

"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns."
Craig, age 9


When is It Okay to Kiss Someone?

"When they're rich!"
Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that."
Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them.... It's the right thing to do."
Howard, age 8


The Great Debate: Is It Better
to Be Single or Married?

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
somebody to clean up after them!"
Anita, age 9

"Single is better ... for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to
change no diapers... Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure
something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some
coffee and diaper-changing."
Kirsten, age 10


What Advice Do You Have for a
Young Couple About to Be Married?

"The first thing I'd say to them is: 'Listen up, youngins ... I got
something to say to you. Why in the heck do you wanna get married,
anyway?'"
Craig, age 9


What Promises Do a Man and a Woman
Make When They Get Married?

"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and
diseases together."
Marlon, age 10


How to Make a Marriage Work

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!"
Ricky, age 7

"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy
clothes.... Especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few
diamonds on it."
Lori, age 8


Getting Married for a Second Time

"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than one to find
a live one."
Angie L., age 10


How Would the World Be Different
if People Didn't Get Married?

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"
Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us
just the same as they do now!"
Roberta, age 7
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Just Ben

I remember the day very well. It was late August and
quite chilly outside. I was coaching a soccer team for
kindergarten and first-graders, and it was the day of our
first practice.
It was cold enough to the point where all of the cute
little boys and girls were bundled up in extra sweatshirts,
jackets, gloves and mittens with those cute little straps
connected to the sleeves of their jacket.
As was normally the case any time I was coaching a new
team, we took the first few minutes to get to know one
another. I do this for the kids as much as for myself; it
often seems that kids don't get along as well with one
another unless they know and remember each other's names.
On this particular day, I sat the kids down on the
dugout bench---soccer in Austin is played on the outfield
grass at the softball complex. We went up and down the row
a few times, each kid saying his or her name and the name of
all the kids to their left.
After a few frustrating minutes of this, I decided to
put the kids to the ultimate test. I asked for a volunteer
who thought he or she knew the name of all eleven kids on
the team and could prove it to all of us right then.
There was one brave little six-year-old who felt up to
the challenge. He was to start at the far-left end of the
bench, go up to each kid, say that kid's name and then shake
his or her right hand.
Alex started off and was doing very well. While I
stood behind him, he went down the row - Dylan, Micah, Sara,
Beau, and Danny - until he reached Ben, by far the smallest
kid on the team. He stammered out Ben's name without much
trouble and extended his right hand, but Ben would not
extend his. I looked at Ben for a second, as did Alex and
the rest of the little ones on the bench, but he just sat
there, his right hand hidden under the cuff of his jacket.
"Ben, why don't you let Alex shake your hand?" I
questioned. But Ben just sat there looking at Alex and then
at me and then at Alex once again.
"Ben, what's the matter?" I asked.
But he still just sat there with a blank, far-away look
in his eyes.
Finally he stood up looked up at me and said, "But
coach, I don't have a hand," after which he unzipped his
jacket, pulling it away from his right shoulder.
Sure enough, Ben's arm ran from his right shoulder just
like every other kid on the team, but unlike the rest of his
teammates, his arm stopped at the elbow. No fingers, no
hand, no forearm.
I'll have to admit, I was taken back a bit and couldn't
think of anything to say or how to react, but thank God for
little kids-- and their unwillingness to be tactful.
"Look at that," said Alex.
"Hey, what happened to your arm?" another asked.
"Does it hurt?"
Before I knew it, a small crowd of ten players and a
bewildered coach encircled a small child who was now taking
off his jacket to show all those around him what they all
wanted to see.
In the next few minutes, a calm, collected 6-year-old
explained to all of those present that he had always been
that way and that there was nothing special about him
because of it. What he meant was that he wanted to be
treated like every other kid on the team.
And he was from that day on.
He was just Ben, one of the players on the team. Not
Ben, the kid with one arm.

by Adrian Wagner
Submitted by Judy Noble
from Chicken Soup for the Kid's Soul
Copyright 1998 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty
Hansen and Irene Dunlap
--
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Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/