Humor 3/20/00: Diet for Stress & Resignation

Hi everyone,

I hope you're doing well. I have been extremely busy the last two weeks
finishing up with all my exams, papers, and final presentations for
various classes. That's why I didn't get a chance to send this email
last week. I just have one more paper and then I'm done with everything
I need to do for this semester.

This coming weekend I'll be going snowboarding with a group of 25 other
people to June Mountain, which is north of Mammouth Mtn. It's just
slightly southeast of Yosemite. Too bad the road going into Yosemite
from the east is closed for the winter. Otherwise, it would be awesome
to check out Yosemite in the winter. I'm really looking forward to this
trip. It should be really fun.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could be anywhere in
history for one day, as someone famous from that time, where would you
like to be, when, and as who?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Judy Quan (who actually did run the
LA marathon), followed by an inspirational piece forwarded Steve Lee.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

After completing the marathon I would like to share with you some of my
secrets of health and fitness.


Since we all experience stress as some points in our daily activities,
this diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up
during the day.

Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
l cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

Rules for this Diet
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy
bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not
eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are
part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and
Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes
calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in
the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed
potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other
food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to
gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since
the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to
his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS
__________________________________________

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have
decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old
again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with
rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my
friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were
colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't
bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't
care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all
the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to
the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things
again.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer
crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more
days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip,
illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth,
justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in
the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and
my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first,
cause......"Tag! You're it."

Pass this to someone and brighten their day by helping them remember the
Simple things in Life.
((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
President, High Tech Business Association
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818) 461-8930
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/