Humor 5/4/99: Baked Beans & The Window

Hi everyone,

Some of you must be wondering what happened to me. It's been about
three weeks since my last humor email. Well, I've been extremely busy.
For the first of the three weekends, I went up to Stanford for the
annual business school charity & sports competition. I played table
tennis for our school. I'm glad to say that UCLA won back the trophy
this year (Golden Briefcase). However, I ended up hanging out with some
of you in Palo Alto and San Francisco, and didn't really even watch too
many of the events. But I had a great time.

Two weekends ago, I was busy working on my business plan for the Knapp
Business Plan Competition at our school. In fact all last week, I
generally slept 4 hours a night, and the night before it was due, I
slept only 1.5 hours. Needless to say, I was extremely tired. But I
got it in on time.

This past weekend, I worked on the Powerpoint presentation for the
business plan. I presented my idea to a panel of venture capitalists
last night. Even though I didn't make it to the final round, the
learning experience is quite valuable and I received some good
feedback. I guess during this summer, I'll continue to refine my idea.
Basically, it's an Internet start-up that will deliver various
productivity tools to businesses over the Internet.

I did have some fun mixed in with all the work. I saw "The Matrix" and
"Entrapment". I liked both and recommend them if you haven't seen
them. I also spent a day in Santa Barbara with my entrepreneurial
mentorship group. For part of the day we met on the beach, then played
beach volleyball. We had dinner at this really good restaurant called
"The Palace". I highly recommend this place. Make reservations.

Now that I'm done with the business plan competition, I can get to some
of the things that I've neglected, including looking for a summer job.
I'm still not sure whether I want to work in the Bay area or here in LA.

For those of you in the Seattle area, I'll be visiting from Thursday
night, May 20th, to Monday May 24th. Hopefully we can get together and
hang out.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could eat one food
in any quantity for the rest of your life with no ill affects
whatsoever, what food would you choose?"

This week's humor is really funny, and it was forwarded by Susan
Hasegawa. After that is an inspirational story sent by Monica Quock.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
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Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for
baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on her. Then one day she met a
guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she
thought to herself 'He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go
for this carrying on.' So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since
She lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she
would be late because she had to walk home. On the way she passed a
small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off
any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the
diner and before she knew it she had consumed three large orders of
baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted.

Upon arriving at home she felt reasonably sure that she could control
it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight". He then blindfolded
her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just
as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife the telephone
rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the phone.

The baked beans that she had consumed were now beginning to affect her.
The pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was
out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one
cheek, and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like cabbage
cooking in a high school locker room on a hot August afternoon. She took
her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted
to the other cheek and ripped three more. At this point it smelled like
a bulk truck full of rotten potatoes running over a skunk in front of a
pulpwood mill.

When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the
air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded
her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture
of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long,
he asked her if she had peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At
this point, he removed the blindfold, and there was her surprise! There
were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy
Birthday!!
_________________________________

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man
was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help
drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only
window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The
men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families,
their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service,
where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the man in the
bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to
his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where
his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color
of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model
boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color of
the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of
the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man
on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the
picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a
parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band he
could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed
it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water
for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window,
who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the
hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed
appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the
window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he
was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first
look at the world outside. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it
for himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside
the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have
compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things
outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and
could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to
encourage you."

Epilogue...There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite
our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when
shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all of the
things you have that money can't buy.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/