Humor 2/22/99: Recruiting Dictionary & Marbles

Hi everyone,

It's 2:12 am, and I just finished my finance homework. I had a great
weekend. On Friday night, I went to the live taping of "Home
Improvement". I sat in the first row and even got a free Home
Improvement cap. I was surprised at the large number of crew that is
needed to tape the show. It demonstrates that teamwork is really
important in order for something like a TV show to happen. On Saturday,
I had a chance to hang out with my roommate from Boston, Richard
Sahara. Also, I really enjoyed an awesome time of praise with the young
adults from CCAC and Evergreen SGV. The worship team was really good.
Sang a lot of new and very contemporary songs.

This week's thought provoking questions is: "If you had to choose the
color that describes you most accurately, which color would it be?"

The humor email below is especially funny to all of us in business
school looking for a summer or full-time job. Both the humor and the
touching story following the humor come to us from Anna Man. Enjoy!

-Josh.
__________________________________________

What it really means?

1."COMPETITIVE SALARY":
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
2."JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY":
We have no time to train you.
3."CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE":
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
4."MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED":
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
5."SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED":
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

6."DUTIES WILL VARY":
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
7."MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL":
We have no quality control.
8."CAREER-MINDED":
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
9."APPLY IN PERSON":
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position
has been filled.
10."NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE":
We've filled the job; our call for resume is just a legal
formality.

11."SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
12."PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST":
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
13."REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS":
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager,
without the pay or respect.
14."GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS":
Management communicates, you listen, figure out
what they want and do it.
15."I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION":
I've used Microsoft Office.

16."I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE":
I pilfer office supplies.
18."MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES":
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
19."I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK":
I blame others for my mistakes.
20."I'M PERSONABLE":
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice.

22."I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL":
I carry a Day-Timer.
23."I AM ADAPTABLE":
I've changed jobs a lot.
24."I AM ON THE GO":
I'm never at my desk.
25."I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED":
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.
__________________________________________

During the waning years of the depression, in a small southeastern
Idaho community, I used to stop by Brother Miller's roadside stand
for farm-fresh produce, as the season made it available.
Food and money here still extremely scarce and bartering was used,
extensively.

One particular day, Brother Miller was bagging some early potatoes for
me.
I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean,
hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for
my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas.
I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas,
I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Brother Miller
and the ragged boy next to me.

"Hello Barry, how are you today ?"

"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas -- sure
look good."

"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma ?"

"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla'time."

"Good. Anything I can help you with ?"

"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."

"Would you like to take some home ?"

"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."

"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"

"All I got's my prize aggie -- best taw around here."

"Is that right? Let me see it."

"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."

"I can see that. Hmmmm, only thing is, this one is blue and I sort of
go
for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?"

"Not 'zackley -- but, almost."

"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you, and next trip
this way, let me look at that red taw."

"Sure will. Thanks, Mr. Miller."

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.
With a smile, she said: "There are two other boys like him in
our community -- all three are in very poor circumstances.
Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes
or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and
they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all,
and he sends them home with a bag of produce - for a green marble or
an orange one, perhaps."

I left the stand, smiling to myself, impressed with this man.

A short time later I moved to Utah, but I never forgot the story of
this man and the boys -- and their bartering. Several years went by,
each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently, I had occasion
to visit some old friends in that Idaho community, and while I was there

learned that Brother Miller had died. They were having his viewing
that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany
them.

Upon our arrival at the mortuary, we fell into line, to meet the
relatives of the deceased, and to offer whatever words of comfort we
could.
Ahead of us in line, were three young men. One was in an army uniform,
and the other two wore short haircuts, dark suits and white shirts
obviously potential bankers, lawyers, doctors, ministers, educators,
or administrators.

They approached Sister Miller, standing smiling and composed,
by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her
on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man
stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand
in the casket. Each left the mortuary, awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Sister Miller. I told her who I was and
mentioned the story she had told me about the marbles.
Eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

"This is an amazing coincidence," she said. "Those three young men,
that just left, were the boys I told you about. They just told me
how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last,
when Jim could not change his mind about color or size . . . they came
to pay their debt."

"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she
confided,
"but, right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."

With loving gentleness, she lifted the lifeless fingers of her
deceased husband. Resting underneath were three, magnificently
shiny, red marbles.

[Author unknown]
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/