Humor 2/1/99: Chinese movie subtitles

Hey,

I hope your weekend went well.

Last week I bought a book called, "If . (Questions for the Game of
Life). So, this week's thought provoking question and future questions
will come from this book. The question is: "If you could have had the
starring role in one film already made, which movie would you pick?"

This week's humor email comes from John Chao, followed by the
continuation of inspirational examples from children, sent by Dave
Shim. Enjoy!

-Josh.
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A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong:

1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. Gun wounds again?
4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
12. You daring lousy guy.
13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.
15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
And finally...
18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
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"What It Means to Be Adopted"

Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a
family. One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than
the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted and a
little girl named Jocelynn Jay said, "I know all about adoptions because
I was adopted." "What does it mean to be adopted?" Asked another child.
"It means," said Jocelynn, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead
of her tummy."

"Discouraged?"

As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local
Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my
home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-baseline, I asked one
of the boys what the score was. "We're behind 14 to nothing, "he
answered with a smile. "Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look
very discouraged." "Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on
his face. "Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat
yet."

"Roles And How We Play Them"

Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in my life, I stop and think
about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school
play.

His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she
feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, I went
with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes
shining with pride and excitement. "Guess what Mom, "he shouted, and
then said those words that will remain a lesson to me: "I've been chosen
to clap and cheer."
--
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Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/