Humor 2/15/99: Bahstin!! & the Cracked Pot

Hi everyone,

Happy Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year! I hope you had a memorable
weekend. I'm sure glad that we have Monday off for President's Day. It
gives me a chance to catch up on some school work.

For those of you in the LA area, mark your calendars for Friday,
February 26th. This is the date of the next Asian Management Students
Association restaurant of the month dinner event I'm organizing. We
will be going to a Vietnamese restaurant somewhere. If you have any
suggestions of a good place, please email me. You're welcome to come,
and invite friends.

This week's thought-provoking questions is: "If you could own one
painting from any collection in the world but were not allowed to sell
it, which work of art would you select?" I really like this question.
I have too many to choose from. Only two people replied to last week's
question, so I'm not going to report their answers.

I laughed so hard at this week's humor, forwarded by Anna Man. There
are a lot of jokes that maybe only people from Boston would get. This
whole email is long, so I suggest printing it out and read it over the
course of the week. The really excellent inspirational story after the
humor piece was forwarded by Susan Hasegawa. Enjoy!

-Josh.
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We heard about winders 98. Now, here it is... the ultimate Boston
Survival Guide.

If you're from Boston:

1. You'll know whom the cahdnal is, how to take the T to JP
and what the blinking red light atop the old Hancock Building
means in the summa.
Steady blue, skies are too, Blinking blue, clouds are due. Steady red,
rain ahead, Blinking red, snow instead. (Unless it is blinking in the
summer in which case it means the Red Sox game has been canceled.)

2. And if you're smaht, you'll know how not to get cahded at the packie.

How we tak:

We don't speak English. We speak whatever they brought over here
from East Anglia in 1630. The Bawstin accent is basically the
broad A and the dropped R, which we add to words ending in A
(examples: pahster, Cuber, soder).

For the broad A, just open your mouth and say "ah," like the doctah
says. So car is cah, park is pahk. If you want to talk like the
mayah, repeat after me:"My ahnt takes her bahth at hahpast foah."

When we say.... We mean:

1. bzah = odd

2. flahwiz = roses, etc.

3. hahpahst = 30 minutes after the hour

4. Hahwahya? = How are you?

5. khakis = what we staht the cah with

6. pissa = superb

7. retahded = silly

8. shuah = of course

9. wikkid = extremely

10. yiz= you, plural

How we'll know you weren't bon heah:

1. You wear a Harvard sweatshirt.

2. You cross at a crosswalk.

3. You ask directions to "Cheers."

4. You order a grinder and a soda.

5. You pronounce it "Worchester."

6. You walk the Freedom Trail.

7. You call it "Copely" Square.

8. You go to BU.

Getting around:

1. Boston is a mishmosh of 17th-century cow paths and 19th-century
landfill penned in by water. You know, "One if by land, two if by sea."

2. Charlestown? Cahn't get theyah from heah.

3. And which Warren Street do you want? We have 3 plus three Warren
Avenues 3 Warren Squares, a Warren Park, and a Warren Place.

4. Pay no attention to the street names. There's no school on
School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square,
no water on Water Street. Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda.
Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth. So are South Boston streets:
A, B, C, D.

5. If the streets are named after trees (Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar),
you're on Beacon Hill.

6. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.

7. Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is Jamaica Plain.

8. Readville doesn't exist.

The North-East-South-West thing:

1. Southie is South Boston. The South End is the South End.

2. The North End is east of the West End. The West End is no
more. A guy named Rappaport got rid of it one night.

3. Eastie is East Boston. The East End is Boston Harbor.


About our "cuisine":

1. Boston cream pie is a cake.

2. Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don't.

3. Chowdah does not come with tomatoes.

4. Soda is club soda. Pop is Dad. If it's fizzy and flavored,
it's tonic. When we mean tonic water, we say tonic water.

5. Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid
more than $6 a pound, you got scrod.

6. Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out,
heat it, and eat it with baked beans. They're hot dogs.
Franks were people who lived in France in the ninth century.

Things not to do:

1. Don't call it Beantown.

2. Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it to Meffa.

3. Don't swim in the Chahles, no matter what Bill Weld says.

4. Don't sleep in the Common.

5. Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.

6. Don't call the mayah "Mumbles." He hates that.

7. Don't ask what she's majoring in. You don't care.


Things you should know:

1. There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses,
two Hancock buildings. There's also a Boston Latin School and
Boston Latin Academy. How should we know which one you mean?

2. Route 128 is also I-95 North of Canton. It is also I-93 South of
Canton to the Expressway

3. It's the Sox, the Pats (or Patsies), the Seltz, the Broons.

4. The Harvard Bridge goes to MIT. It's measured in 'smoots.'

5. Johnson never should have hit for Willoughby.

6. Never mention Bill Buckner's name.

7. The subway doesn't run all night. This isn't Noo Yawk.

Life in Bahstin

You might be a Bostonian if....

1. You think of Philadelphia as the "Deep South."

2. You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic.

3. You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R).

4. You think three straight days of 90+ is a heat wave.

5. All your pets are named after Celtic hall of famers.

6. You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."

7. Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry frenzy.

8. You don't think you have an attitude.

9. You know the significance of 1918.

10. Everything in town is "a five minute walk."

11. When out of town, you think the natives of the area you're visiting
are all whacked.

12. You still can't bear to watch highlights from the game 6 of the 1986
World Series.

13. You have no idea what the word compromise means.

14. You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.

15. You don't realize that you talk twice as fast as everyone else does.

16. You're anal, neurotic, spastic & stubborn.

17. You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something or are
from out of town.

18. You think $15 to park is a bargain.

19. Your favorite adjective is "wicked."

20. You think 63-degree ocean water is warm.

21. You think the Kennedy's are misunderstood.
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The Cracked Pot
(author unidentified in the email I got)

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a
pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in
it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full
portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the
master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two
years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half
pots full of in his master's house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to
the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of
its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only
half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it
perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day
by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my
load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way
back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of
this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot
said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his
compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to
notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the
sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this
cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because
it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the
bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only
on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's
because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it.
I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we
walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have
been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table.
Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to
grace his house."

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But if we
will allow it, God will use our flaws to grace God's table. In God's
great economy, nothing goes to waste. So as we seek ways to minister
together, and as God calls you to the tasks which have been appointed
for you, don't be afraid of your flaws.

Acknowledge them, and allow God to take advantage of them, and you, too,
can be the cause of beauty in God's pathway.

Go out boldly, knowing that in our weakness we find GOD'S strength, and
that "In God every one of God's promises is a YES"!!
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/