Humor 3/15/99: Criminal Darwin Awards

Hi everyone,

I hope you had a good weekend. I went hiking with some friends from
church at the Malibu Canyon State Park, in Calabasas, CA. It was an
absolutely beautiful day, and the hiking and fellowship was very
enjoyable. This park is the place where they filmed the MASH series.
The park contains these rock formations that you can climb up to get a
good view of the surrounding area. Really fun.

This week is the last week of classes, followed by three days of exams
in a row. I'm excited about next quarter, because I only have classes
from Tuesdays to Thursdays. So I have a four-day weekend every week. I
also like the classes I will be taking: Business Strategy, Managing
Entrepreneurial Operations, Marketing Strategy in the Digital Economy,
and Global Marketing Management.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you were instantly able
to play one musical instrument perfectly that you never have played
before, what would it be?"

The humor email was forwarded by Anna Man, followed by lessons #3 & 4
from Life's five lessons, forwarded by Susan Hasegawa. Enjoy!

-Josh.
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CRIMINAL DARWIN AWARDS

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that
there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called
the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad
in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet,
and the thief was arrested.
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A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into
the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the
police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She
read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not
the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept
his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells
Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
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A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture... of handcuffs.

The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
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Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant.
The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a
"bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense,
said Christopher, who happed to be wearing the same jacket that day in
court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge
discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard
he required a five minute recess to compose himself.
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Detroit:

R.C. Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were showing
their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit
neighbourhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer
asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers
license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they
arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan
was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
-------------------------------------------------
Colorado Springs:

A Guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the
cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are
over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to
give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber
took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk . The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in
fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran
from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police
and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.

They arrested the robber two hours later.
-------------------------------------------------
Another from Detroit:

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Cigars and Insurance

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very
expensive cigars insured them against fire among other things.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and
without having made even his first premium payment on the policy,
the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim,
the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires".
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason
that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The man sued.... and won.

In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was
frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the
company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable
and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without
defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire", and was
obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and
costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling
and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires".

After the man cashed the check, however, the insurance company had
him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim
and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the
man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
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Life's Lessons

# 3 ~ Always remember those who serve
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year old boy
entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass
of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" "Fifty
cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his
pocket and studied a number of coins in it. "How much is a dish of plain
ice cream?" he inquired. Some people were now waiting for a table and
the waitress was a bit impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she said
brusquely. The little boy again counted the coins. "I'll have the plain
ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the
cashier and departed. When the waitress came back, she began wiping
down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw. There, placed
neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies - her
tip.

# 4 ~ The Obstacle in Our Path
In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid
himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of
the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked
around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear,
but none did anything about getting the big stone out of the way. Then
a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. On approaching the
boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to
the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally
succeeded. As the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a
purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained
many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was
for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant
learned what many others never understand. Every obstacle presents an
opportunity to improve one's condition.
--
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Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/