Humor 5/27: Fly the Friendly Skies

Hi everyone,

I hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend. The following humor comes
from Vince Wang. Enjoy!

-Josh.
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Fly the Friendly Skies

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for
being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a
passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded
United flight was canceled.

A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his
ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and
it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you,
but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to
work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public
address microphone.

"May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing
throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO
DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity,
please come to gate 17."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared
at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "(Expletive) you."

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll
have to stand in line for that, too."

The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly.
Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no
longer angry at United.

Poem For Mother's Day

Hey everyone,

I know, I know that Mother's Day was last Sunday. However, instead of
sending you my normal weekly humor, I thought I would send you this poem
concerning our mothers. Members from my drama team at church acted out
this poem last Sunday. While she read the poem, another member acted
out the words in a pantomine. I find it really touching. I asked the
team leader to send me a copy of the poem, so I can forward it to you.
I hope you like it. Take care!

-Josh.
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When You Thought I wasn't Looking

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting
on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I
thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake
just for me, and I knew that little things are special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I
believed there is a God I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight,
and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but, it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted

to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked... and wanted to say
thanks
for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.

--David Walls

Humor 5/12/97: Daily Chicken

Hi everyone,

I hope all of you had a good weekend. I had a great time seeing old
friends and meeting new ones at my friends' wedding. Congratulations
Eugene & Sally! Welcome to those of you who are getting this humor
email for the first time.

This week's humor email comes to me from David Martin. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_____________________________________________________________________________

A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving
the
papal blessing he whispers, "Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you.

If you change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily
bread....' to 'give us this day our daily chicken....' we will
donate $500 million dollars to the Church".

The Pope responds saying, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word

of the Lord and it must not be changed".

"Well," says the Tyson man, "we are prepared to donate $1 billion to
the
Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our
daily
bread....' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...."

Again the Pope replies "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of
the Lord and it must not be changed".

Finally, the Tyson guy says, "This is our last offer. We will donate
$5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us

this day our daily bread....' to 'give us this day our daily
chicken....'" and he leaves.

Next day the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals to say that he
has good news and bad news.

"The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion".

"The bad news is that we are losing The Wonderbread Account".

Humor 5/4/97: Fisherman & Investment Banker

Hi everyone,

I hope your weekend went well. Again, this bit of humor comes from Dave
Shim. I guess lawyers have a huge network of colleagues who send each
other jokes. Enjoy!

-Josh.
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>One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing
>pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the
>sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun
>and the prospect of catching a fish.
>
>About that time, an investment banker came walking down the beach,
>trying to relieve some of the stress of her workday. She noticed the
>fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this
>fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for
>himself and his family."You aren't going to catch many fish that
>way," said the investment banker to the fisherman. "You should be
>working rather than lying on the beach"
>
>The fisherman looked up at the investment banker, smiled and replied,
>"And what will my reward be?"
>
>"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish" was the
>banker's answer.
>
>"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still
>smiling.
>
>The investment banker replied, "You will make money and you'll be
>able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of
>fish"
>
>"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.
>
>The investment banker was beginning to get a little irritated with
>the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire
>some people to work for you" she said.
>
>"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.
>
>The investment banker was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You
>can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and
>let all your employees catch fish for you"
>
>Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"
>
>The investment banker was red with rage and shouted at the
>fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that
>you will never have to work for your living again. You can spend
>all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the
>sunset. You won't have a care in the world."
>
>The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you
>think I'm doing right now?"