Humor 11/30/98: Product Labels

Hey,

I ate so much this past week before and during Thanksgiving. How about
you? I also caught up on many of my classes.

I enjoyed talking to some of you in Boston today. It was great to catch
up. Let me know if any of you intend to visit LA at the end of
December.

This week's humor email was forwarded by Phil Lin, and the touching
story forwarded by Erik Smith. Let me warn you that it's good, but
long. Enjoy!

-Josh.

_____________________________
HUMOR: Product Labels

No wonder the intelligent NEVER read the directions! ;^)

PRODUCT LABELS (Honest. They are there!)

On instructions for a hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial bath bar:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

On a frozen dinner package:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel-provided shower cap box:
Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tirimisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down (Printed on the bottom of the box)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging from a Rowenta Iron.
Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On a bottle of Nytol (a sleeping pill):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.

On an American Airlines package of nuts:
Instructions: Open package, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

On a package of Sun Maid raisins:
Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?
________________________

He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint Mary's School in
Morris, Minn. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund
was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, but had that
happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness
delightful.

Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that
talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so
much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him
for misbehaving - "Thank you for correcting me, Sister!" I didn't know
what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to
hearing it many times a day.

One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too
often, and then I made a novice-teacher's mistake. I looked at Mark and
said, "If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!" It
wasn't ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, "Mark is talking
again." I hadn't asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but
since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on
it. I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked
to my desk, very deliberately opened by drawer and took out a roll of
masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore
off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then
returned to the front of the room.

As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did
it!! I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark's
desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words
were, "Thank you for correcting me, Sister."

At the end of the year, I was asked to teach junior-high math. The years
flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was
more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen
carefully to my instruction in the "new math," he did not talk as much
in ninth grade as he had in third.

One Friday, things just didn't feel right. We had worked hard on a new
concept all week, and I sensed that the students were frowning,
frustrated with themselves - and edgy with one another. I had to stop
this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the
names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving
a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest
thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment,
and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers.
Charlie smiled. Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me, Sister. Have a
good weekend."

That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet
of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that
individual. On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long,
the entire class was smiling. "Really?" I heard whispered. "I never
knew that meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't know others liked me so
much." No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew
if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't
matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were
happy with themselves and one another again. That group of students
moved on.

Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents met me
at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me the usual
questions about the trip - the weather, my experiences in general.
There was a lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a side-ways
glance and simply says, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he
usually did before something important. "The Eklunds called last
night," he began.
"Really?" I said. "I haven't heard from them in years. I wonder how
Mark is." Dad responded quietly. "Mark was killed in Vietnam," he
said. "The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you
could attend." To this day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494
where Dad told me about Mark.

I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked
so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was, Mark I
would give all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk to
me. The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's sister sang
"The Battle Hymn of the Republic." Why did it have to rain on the day
of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor
said the usual prayers, and the bugler played taps. One by one those who
loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin and sprinkled it with holy
water. I was the last one to bless the coffin. As I stood there, one
of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to me. "Were you Mark's
math teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the
coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said.

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to Chuck's
farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously
waiting for me. "We want to show you something," his father said,
taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was
killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he
carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously
been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking that
the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each
of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing
that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

Mark's classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather
sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of
my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our
wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her
wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry
this with me at all times," Vicki said without batting an eyelash. "I
think we all saved our lists."

That's when I finally sat down and cried. I cried for Mark and for all
his friends who would never see him again.

****************************
The purpose of this letter is to encourage everyone to compliment the
people you love and care about. We often tend to forget the importance
of showing our affections and love. Sometimes the smallest of things,
could mean the most to another.

--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 11/23/98: A Good Story and Real Friends

Hey,

I hope things are going well. I'm done with mid-terms and have a few
days off this week for Thanksgiving. This will give me a chance to
catch up on some of the readings I have for various classes.

This Thursday is Thanksgiving, so I hope that each of you will take the
time to thank God for the blessings in your life. I'm truly thankful to
God for:
1) An opportunity to study at UCLA
2) Good friends and classmates here in LA
3) The beautiful weather

What are you thankful for?

This week's humor was forwarded to me by Ling Chow, and the
inspirational piece came from Lisa Chiou. Enjoy and have a great
Thanksgiving!

-Josh.
________________________________

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe, as it
happens in Transylvania. They were driving a rental car along a rather
deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely
see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of
control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car
swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks
over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her
head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows
he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road.
After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which
is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately
blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We've
been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt.
Can I please use your phone??"

"I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My
master is a doctor. Come in and I will get him." Bob brings his wife
in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may
have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist.
However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, I have had basic
medical training. I will see what I can do. "Igor, bring them down to
the laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her
downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in
the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries; so Igor
places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's
master looks worried. "Things are serious,
Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but
to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more!

The Hills' deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the
steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here
that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring,
almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the
lab, his eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty Hill's
hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is
further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he
dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to
his master,...





(Don't page down unless you have a strong stomach...)













You sure you want to know?










Can you guess?











"Master, Master!......The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
______________________________________

Real Friends

Anyone can stand by you when you are right, but a friend will stand by
you even when you are wrong...

A simple friend identifies himself when he calls.
A real friend doesn't have to.

A simple friend opens a conversation with a full news bulletin on his
life.
A real friend says, "What's new with you?"

A simple friend thinks the problems you whine about are recent.
A real friend says, "You've been whining about the same thing for 14
years. Get off your duff and do something about it."

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you
clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.

A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a
fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 11/15/98: American Management

Hey,

Hope you had a great weekend. I heard a really good speaker named Wayne
Fong this weekend at the Missions conference at CCAC in the Valley. If
any of you are helping to organize the conference at your church, I
would highly recommend inviting Wayne as a speaker.

I'm really looking forward to the new Star Trek movie, opening on
December 11th. Any of you in the LA area want to see it on opening
day? Let's get a group to go.

This week's humor was forwarded to me by Jennifer Chin. The
motivational message come from Anna Man. Enjoy!

Take care and I hope to respond to some of your personal emails after my
last midterm this week.

-Josh.
_________________________________________________

American Management

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat
race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak
performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a
mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale
sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing
defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate
the problem and recommend corrective action.

The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and
one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight
people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the
problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were
steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race
day neared again the following year, the American team's management
structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering
managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review
system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by TWO miles!!! Humiliated, the
American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave
the mangers a bonus for discovering the problem.

_____________________________________________________


In a university commencement address several years ago, Brian Dyson,
CEO of Coca Cola Enterprises, spoke of the relation of work to one's
other commitments:

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls
in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends and spirit -
and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand
that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other four balls - family, health, friends and spirit - are made
of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed,
marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same.
You must understand that and strive for balance in your life." How?

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is
because we are different that each of us is special. Don't set your
goals
by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them
as they would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or
for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL
the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really
over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this
fragile thread that binds us to each together.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that
we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time.
The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose
love
is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it
wings.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've
been,
but also where you are going.

Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can
always carry easily.

Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is
not
a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way. Yesterday is
History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and Today is a gift: that's why we call
it "The Present."


--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 11/11/98: All I Needed to Know

Hey,

I hope you are doing well. I just finished my third midterm today. I
have one more exam next week, before we get to finals. I'm really
enjoying the stuff I'm learning. The next major thing is to polish up
my resume and start the hunt for summer jobs (already!). For those of
you in the Silicon Valley, I'll be going up there from 1/4/98 to
1/10/98, to visit hi-tech companies, and to visit friends. Hope to see
you there!

This week's humor was forwarded to me by Jenny Hsu, followed by a really
thought-provoking, self-improving admonition piece, sent by Anna Man.
Enjoy!

-Josh.
P.S. I need to forward these emails to you through this UCLA account
because my Anderson account limits the distribution list size. To send
me any emails, still send them to: joshli@post.harvard.edu, which will
be forwarded to me at: joli@anderson.ucla.edu. This is the one I check
every day.
___________________________________________

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW, I LEARNED FROM NOAH'S ARK

1. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
2. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do
something REALLY big.
3. Don't listen to critics -- do what has to be done.
4. Build on high ground.
5. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
6. Two heads are better than one.
7. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so
were the snails.
8. If you can't fight or flee -- float!
9. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.
10. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs, and the Titanic was
built by professionals.
11. Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than
the storm outside.
12. Don't miss the boat.
13. No matter how bleak it looks, if God is with you, there's always a
rainbow on the other side.
_____________________________________

Subject: Build With Care

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-
contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and
live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended
family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire.
They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker
go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor.

The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his
heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and
used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect
the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter.

"This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."

What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building
his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he
had to live in the home he had built none too well.

So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way,
reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best.
At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then
with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that
we are now living in the house we have built. If we had realized,
we would have done it differently.

Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each
day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely.
It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for
only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and
with dignity.

The plaque on the wall says, Life is a do-it-yourself project."
Who could say it more clearly? Your life today is the result of
your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will
be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.

Humor 11/2/98: Comments & Evaluations

Hi everyone,

It's been a few weeks since I sent out the last humor email. I've been
really busy with school work. I'm really enjoying my classes,
activities, and the weather. It's still sunny everyday, with low
humidity, and temperature in the low 70's during the day, and I think
50's at night.

I'll tell you a bit about what I've been up to in every email. One of
my favorite classes is "Managerial Problem Solving". The main component
of this class is a computer simulation. All of the students are divided
into teams. Each team represents a company located in one of three
countries which manufactures and sells one of two types of products.
The team has to make decisions about how much goods to produce, what
prices to charge, how much to spend on advertising, whether to build new
factories, how much to import or export to the other countries, how much
to invest in R&D, etc. The number of variables that we have to decide
on is enormous. We also have to make personal investment choices, of
stocks, money markets, foreign investments, futures, etc. I' really
impressed with the level of complexity of the computer game. I think it
does a great job in simulating how the economic system, supply and
demand, etc, work. If you're interested, you can go to the website,
www.ibsim.com, click on "Demonstration Site", enter ID = "demo10" and
password "guest". You will get a good flavor of what this game is all
about.

On a personal note, I've been visiting different churches every week. I
have one more church to visit before I choose which one to go to.
However, if you have any other suggestions of good churches to visit in
the LA area, please let me know.

Also, a friend of mine, Lisa Chiou, just got engaged. Congrats! She
was wondering if anyone had any advice on wedding planning. Since so
many of you are married or engaged, perhaps you can email her some
suggestions or tips. Her email address is: lcchiou@aol.com. Or you
can email me and I'll forward your thoughts to her.

This week's humor email is about performance evaluations. I picked this
humor because we just had a case study in our HR class about performance
evaluations. Thanks to Elaine Wong for forwarding this to me. Since
this week's humor is so long, I'm not going to attach an inspirational
story. Enjoy the email and take care!

-Josh.
_____________________________________

"ACTUAL" QUOTES FROM FEDERAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS:

Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid
curiosity.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be.

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever

foot was previously in there.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy. She sets low personal
standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.


"ACTUAL" LINES FROM MILITARY OFFICER EFFICIENCY REPORTS (OERS):

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

A room temperature IQ.

Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

Bright as Alaska in December.

One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.

Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

Fell out of the family tree.

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

He's so dense, light bends around him.

If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

>====================
A magazine ran a Dilbert quotes contest. These are "actual" quotes from

managers out there:

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the
winning quote from Charles Hurst at Sun Microsystems.)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.

3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?

4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should
be used only for company business.

5. Turnover is good for the company, as it proves that we are doing a
good job in training people.

6. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it.

7. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.

8. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let

you know when it's time to tell them.

==========

"Actual" stories from Flight Attendants apologizing for rough transport
on the airlines.....

Upon landing hard, the pilot gets on the PA system, "Sorry folks for the

hard landing. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's
fault. It was the asphalt."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, give a smile, and "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that
in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers
in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we

land or were we shot down?"

>From a disgruntled Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal

tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other
seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably
shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss
of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a
small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children,
decide now which one you love more. Weather at our destination is 50
degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed
before we
arrive. Thank you, and remember, noboby loves you, or your money,
more than Southwest Airlines."

United Airlines FA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully
aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United
Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us today and please be
very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be killed by
falling luggage that shifted during our so called "touch down."

About 5 or 6 years ago I was on an American Airlines flight into
Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. I could tell
during the final that the Captain was really having to fight it, and
after an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and

announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in
your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."

Landing: a controlled mid-air collision with a planet.

--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/