Humor 6/27/99: Why Parents Go Gray & SHMILY

Hi everyone,

I hope your weekend went well. My first week of work was fairly busy.
It feels strange to be back in the working mode after a year of school.
Now I can actually forget about work at nights and on weekends.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could teach your
children only one lesson in life, what would it be?"

The humor was forwarded by Jennifer Chin, followed by an inspirational
story forwarded by Anna Man. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

Why Parents Go Gray

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster
the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home
alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person
who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there
besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is
that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the boss
asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle...
"They're looking for me."
____________________________

SHMILY (author unknown)

My grandparents were married for over half a century and played their
own special game from the time they had met each other. The goal of
their game was to write the word "shmily" in a surprise place for the
other to find. They took turns leaving "shmily" around the house and as
soon as one of them discovered it, it was their turn to hide it once
more.

They dragged "shmily" with their fingers through the sugar and flour
containers, to await whoever was preparing the next meal. They smeared
it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio, where my grandma
always fed us warm, homemade pudding with blue food coloring. "Shmily"
was written in the steam left on the mirror after a hot shower, where it
would reappear bath after bath. At one point, my grandmother even
unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper, to leave "shmily" on the very
last sheet. There was no end to the places "shmily" would pop up.
Little notes with "shmily" scribbled hurriedly were found on dashboards
and car seats, or taped to steering wheels. The notes were stuffed
inside shoes and left under pillows. "Shmily" was written in the dust
upon the mantel and traced in the ashes of the fireplace.

This mysterious word was as much a part of my grandparents'' house as
the furniture. It took me a long time before I was able to fully
appreciate my grandparents' game. Skepticism had kept me from believing
in true love...one that is pure and enduring. However, I never doubted
my grandparents' relationship. They had love down pat. It was more
than their flirtatious little games; it was a way of life. Their
relationship
was based on devotion and passionate affection: quick kisses as they
bumped into each other in their tiny kitchen, finishing each other's
sentences, sharing the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble. My
grandma whispered to me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome and
old he had grown to be. She claimed that she really knew "how to pick
'em." Before every meal they bowed their heads and gave thanks,
marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good fortune and each
other.

However, there was a dark cloud in my grandparents' lives: my
grandmother had breast cancer. The disease had first appeared ten years
earlier. As always, Grandpa was with her every step of the way. He
comforted her in their yellow room, painted that way so she could always
be surrounded by sunshine, even when she was too sick to go outside.
Now the cancer was again attacking her body. With the help of a cane
and my grandfather's steady hand, they went to church every morning. My
grandmother grew steadily weaker until, finally, she could not leave the
house anymore. For a while, Grandpa would go to church alone, praying to
God to watch over his wife.

Then one day, what we all dreaded finally happened. Grandma was gone.
"Shmily" was scrawled in yellow on the pink ribbons of my grandmother's
funeral bouquet. As the crowd thinned and the last mourners turned to
leave, my aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members came forward
and gathered around Grandma one last time. Grandpa stepped up to my
grandmother's casket, and, taking a shaky breath, he began to sing to
her. Through his tears and grief, the song came, a deep and throaty
lullaby. Shaking with my own sorrow, I will never forget that moment.
For I knew that, although I couldn't begin to fathom the depth of their
love, I had been privileged to witness its unmatched beauty.

"S-H-M-I-L-Y: See How Much I Love You."
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
420 James Road #1
Palo Alto CA 94306
(650)565-8674
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 6/20/99: Kids Humor & Touching Father Stories

Hi everyone,

I hope you had a wonderful Father's Day. I'm here in Palo Alto now. If
you're going to be in the Bay Area during the summer, feel free to give
me a call (650-565-8674).

This week's thought provoking question is: "What is your most memorable
experience with your dad?"

The humor was forwarded by Susan Hasegawa (who gave birth to a baby boy
last month, her third child. Congratulations!). The two inspirational
stories about fathers were forwarded by Anna Man and Ethel Lai. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

Humor concerning kids

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
her face. "Why do you do that, Mommy?" "To make myself beautiful,"
said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten
class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created
out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him
lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the
matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm
going to have a wife."

One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer: "Now I lay me down to
rest, and hope to pass tomorrow's test. If I should die before I wake,
that's one less test I have to take."

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your
prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The
little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
____________________________

Touching Story About Fathers #1

This teenager lived alone with his father, and the two of them had a
very special relationship. Even though the son was always on the bench,
his father was always in the stands cheering. He never missed a game.

This young man was still the smallest of the class when he entered high
school. But his father continued to encourage him but also made it very
clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to. But
the young man loved football and decided to hang in there. He was
determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to
play when he became a senior.

All through high school he never missed a practice nor a game, but
remained a bench warmer all four years. His faithful father was always
in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him.

When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the
football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure he could never make the
cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster
because he always puts his heart and soul to every practice, and at the
same time, provided the other members with the spirit and hustle they
badly needed. The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much
that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his father. His father
shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college
games.

This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four
years at college, but he never got to play in the game. It was the end
of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field
shortly before the big play off game, the coach met him with a
telegram. The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent.
Swallowing hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My father died this morning.
Is it all right if I miss practice today?" The coach put his arm gently
around his shoulder and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And
don't even plan to come back to the game on Saturday."

Then Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well. In the third
quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly
slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear. As he
ran onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see
their faithful teammate back so soon. "Coach, please let me play. I've
just got to play today," said the young man. The coach pretended not to
hear him. There was no way he wanted his worst player in this close
playoff game.

But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the
coach gave in. "All right," he said. "You can go in." Before long, the
coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their
eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before was doing
everything right. The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, he
passed, blocked and tackled like a star. His team began to triumph. The
score was soon tied. In the closing seconds of the game, this kid
intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown. The
fans broke loose. His teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders. Such
cheering you've never heard!

Finally, after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left
the locker room, the coach noticed that the young man was sitting
quietly in the corner all alone. The coach came to him and said, "Kid,
I can't believe it. You were fantastic! Tell me what got into you? How
did you do it?"

He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you
knew my dad died, but did you know that my dad was blind?" The young
man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Dad came to all my games, but
today was the first time he could see me play, and I wanted to show him
I could do it!"

SO, REMEMBER RIGHT NOW:

somebody is very proud of you.
somebody is thinking of you.
somebody is caring about you.
somebody misses you.
somebody wants to talk to you.
somebody wants to be with you.
somebody hopes you are not in trouble.
somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
somebody wants to hold your hand.
somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
somebody wants you to be happy.
somebody wants you to find him/her.
somebody wants to give you a gift.
somebody wants to hug you.
somebody thinks you ARE a gift.
somebody admires your strength.
somebody wants to protect you.
somebody can't wait to see you.
somebody loves you for who you are.
somebody treasures your spirit.
somebody is glad that you are their friend.
somebody wants to get to know you better.
somebody wants to be near you.
somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
somebody would do anything for you.
somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
somebody is alive because of you.
somebody needs your support.
somebody will cry when they read this.
somebody needs you to have faith in them.
somebody trusts you.
somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.
SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU TO SEND THIS TO THEM, too.
____________________________

Father's Day

When I was five, my biological father committed suicide. It left me
feeling as though I'd done something wrong; that if I had been better
somehow, maybe he'd have stayed around. My mother remarried shortly
thereafter, and this man was my dad until I was nineteen. I called him
Dad and used his name all through school. But, when he and my mother
divorced, he just walked away. Once again, I wondered what was wrong
with me that I couldn't keep a father.

Mother remarried again, and Bob was a wonderful, kind man. I was twenty
now and no longer living at home, but I felt a great love and attachment
for him. A few years later my mother was diagnosed with cancer and was
not given long to live. Shortly before she died, Bob came over to my
house alone one day. We talked about a lot of things, and then he told
me that he wanted me to know that he'd always be there for me, even
after Mother was gone. Then he asked if he could adopt me.

I could hardly believe my ears. Tears streamed down my face. He wanted
me - me! This man had no obligation to me, but he was reaching out from
his heart, and I accepted. During the adoption proceedings, the judge
commented on all the undesirable duties of his profession and then with
a tear in his eye, thanked us for brightening his day as he pronounced
us father and daughter. I was twenty-five, but I was his little girl.

Three short years later, Bob, too, was diagnosed with cancer and was
gone within the year. At first I was hurt and angry at God for taking
this father away too. But eventually the love and acceptance that I felt
from Dad came through again, and I became, once more, grateful for the
years we had.

On Father's Day I always reflect on what I've learned about fatherhood.
I've learned that it is not dependent on biology or even on raising a
child. Fatherhood is a matter of the heart. Bob's gift from the heart
will warm my soul for eternity.

By Sherry Lynn Blake Jensen Miller
from A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright1998 Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
420 James Road #1
Palo Alto CA 94306
(650)565-8674
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 6/14/99: Newspaper Headlines & Ice Cream

Hi everyone,

This past weekend I had a great time hiking up Rocky Peak with some
friends from church. At the end of the trail, we continued off the
trail to climb the tallest peak. It was very challenging climbing up
the rock formations. But once we got to the top, the view was
breathtaking, the breeze was comfortable, and we all had a sense of
accomplishment.

I'm done with my first year in B-school! This Friday I'm driving up to
the bay area. I start work at this small Internet start-up on Monday,
June 21st. I'll be living in Palo Alto and working in Foster City.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could wear only one
color, besides white or black, for the rest of your life, what would you
wear?"

The humor was forwarded by Dave Shim, and the inspirational story was
forwarded by Susan Hasegawa. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

BEST NEWSPAPER HEADLINES OF 1998

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
____________________________

Ice Cream Is Good For The Soul

Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son
asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is
good. God is great. Thank You for the food, and I would even thank you

more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for

all. Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a
woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't

even know how to pray. Asking God for ice-cream. Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it
wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God
was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the
table.

He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that
was a great prayer."

"Really?" my son asked.

"Cross my heart." Then in a theatrical whisper he added, indicating
the woman whose remark had started this whole thing, "Too bad she never

asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul
sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son
stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the
rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word walked
over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told
her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes,

and my soul is good already."
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 6/6/99: Car Acronyms & Frogs

Hi everyone,

I spent most of this past weekend working on a strategy paper that all
first year students at the Anderson School had to work on. But I'm
really glad that it's over! One more week of classes and we're done for
the year. I'll be in LA for part of the following week, then I head up
to the bay area.

I'm no longer looking for someone to sublet my room. I'm just going to
move my stuff in storage and look for an apartment when I get back to LA
in the fall. Thanks for sending my request to your friends.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could be guaranteed
one thing in life besides money, what would you ask for?"

Since our Lincoln Mercury strategy paper is due tomorrow, this week's
humor is on cars. Notice that Lincoln and Mercury are not even listed.
The humor was forwarded by Neil Shouse, and the inspirational story was
forwarded by Anna Man. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

CAR ACRONYMS

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
All Un-informed Drivers Insulted
All Unnecessary Devices Installed

BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FORD
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill

GM
General Maintenance

GMC
Garage Man's Companion

HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late
Everyday.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover
Equipment

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
Virtually Worthless
____________________________

Frogs

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell
into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit.

When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they
were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to
jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept
telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead.

Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying
and gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog continued to jump as
hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop
the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out.

When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?"

The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were
encouraging him the entire time.

The moral:

1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word
to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through
the day.

2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to
kill them.

Be careful of what you say. Speak life to the power of words ---- it is
sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long
way.

Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to
continue in difficult times.

Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.
Be Special to others.

- Tell me and I'll forget
- Show me and I'll remember
- Involve me and I'll learn
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 6/1/99: Kid's Proverbs & The Graduation Gift

Hi everyone,

I hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend. I had a lot of fun at our
church retreat. The speaker, Dr. David Miller was excellent. The
weather was perfect. In terms of free time activities, the highlights
were hiking in the San Bernadino mountains and staying up late to play
cards and give each other logic/mystery puzzles.

Do you know anyone who is moving to LA? I need to help my future
roommates find someone to sublet the room I will be moving into. Please
ask anyone who may need housing in the LA area to email me at:
joshli@post.harvard.edu. Thanks!

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could live the life
of any fictional character, which character would it be?"

This week's humor email was forwarded by Jennifer Chin, and the
inspirational story was forwarded by Susan Hasegawa. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

KID'S PROVERBS
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each
kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with
the rest.

As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You...... Mess It Up.
Better Be Safe Than...... Punch A 5th Grader.
Strike While The...... Bug Is Close.
It's Always Darkest Before...... Daylight Savings Time.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of....... Termites.
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But..... How?
Don't Bite The Hand That...... Looks Dirty.
No News Is....... Impossible.
A Miss Is As Good As A....... Mr.
You Can't Teach An Old Dog New...... Math.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll...... Stink In The Morning.
Love All, Trust...... Me
The Pen Is Mightier Than The...... Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is...... The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There's...... Pollution.
Happy The Bride Who...... Gets All The Presents!
A Penny Saved Is...... Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's...... The Musketeers.
Don't Put Off Tomorrow What....... You Put On To Go To Bed.
Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And...... You Have To
Blow Your Nose.
None Are So Blind As...... Helen Keller.
Children Should Be Seen And Not...... Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed...... Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You...... See Pictured On The Box.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind...... Get Out Of The Way.
There Is No Fool Like...... Aunt Edie.
____________________________

The Graduation Gift

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months
he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and
knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he
wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his
father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his
graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father
told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much
he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box.

Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and
found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed
in gold.

Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, "With all your
money you give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the
Bible.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He
had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was
very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him
since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he
received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed
all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately
and take care of things.

When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled
his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and
saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago.

With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father
had carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11: "And if ye, being evil,
know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your
Heavenly father which is in heaven, give to those who ask Him?"

As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible.
It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports
car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the
words... PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged
as we expected?
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/