Humor 11/28/99: Three Gifts & Living Life

Hi everyone,

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Some classmates and friends came
over for a potluck dinner. We didn't have turkey, but lots of good
Chinese food. I also watched six movies on DVD. When I bought my DVD
player, there was a coupon from Netflix.com for 15 free DVD rentals.
However, you have to watch all 15 in one month, and can only have four
movies checked out at one time. I've decided to rent Chinese movies,
either Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Chow Yun-fat or some good martial arts
movies. So I aim to watch the 11 remaining movies before I leave for
New York on December 16th.

One of these movies that I recommend is "My Father Is a Hero" (1998),
starring Jet Li and Anita Mui. It's based very loosely on "True Lies",
but more wholesome and touching.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could physically
transport yourself to any place in the world at this moment, where would
you go?"

This week's recommended website is: www.activebuyersguide.com. I came
across this site while shopping for a digital camera. This site asks
you a bunch of questions and then recommends several different models
based on your answers. Some of the questions are like those in an
optometrist office: you have to pick between two set of features. The
site also allows you then to compare the models side by side according
to different features. This site can be used for a wide variety of
electronics and other products. To my classmates: if you are
interested in looking at an example of a value-added B2C e-Commerce
website, you should take a look at this site.

This week's humor was forwarded by Reiko Muto, followed by an
inspirational piece forwarded by John Chao.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

Three Gifts

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back
together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said,
"I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've
got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And
you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot
that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to
teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and
verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in
only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of
the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so
rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense
to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
____________________________

Anna Quinlen's Villanova Commencement Address -

It's a great honor for me to be the third member of my family to receive
an honorary doctorate from this great university. It's a honor to
follow my great-uncle Jim, who was a gifted physician, and my Uncle
Jack, who is a remarkable businessman. Both of them could have told you
something important about their professions, about medicine or commerce.
I have no specialized field of interest or expertise, which puts me at a
disadvantage, talking to you today. I'm a novelist. My work is human
nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life
and your work. The second is only part of the first. Don't ever forget
what a friend once wrote Senator Paul Tsongas when the senator decided
not to run for re-election because he'd been diagnosed with cancer: "No
man ever said on his deathbed I wish I had spent more time in the
office."

Don't ever forget the words my father sent me on a postcard last year:
"If you win the rat race, you're still a rat." Or what John Lennon
wrote before he was gunned down in the driveway of the Dakota: "Life is
what happens while you are busy making other plans." You walk out of
here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will
be hundreds of people out there with your same degree; there will be
thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will
be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your
particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or
your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life
of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank account,
but your soul. People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's
so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume
is a cold comfort on a winter night, or when you're sad, or broke, or
lonely, or when you've gotten back the test results and they're not so
good.

Here is my resume. I am a good mother to three children. I have tried
never to let my profession stand in the way of being a good parent. I
no longer consider myself the center of the universe. I show up. I
listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried
to make marriage vows mean what they say. I show up. I listen. I try
to laugh. I am a good friend to my friends, and they to me. Without
them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a
cardboard cutout. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for
lunch. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I would be rotten, or at
best mediocre at my job, if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you
are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: get a life. A real
life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck,
the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those
things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your
breast? Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing
itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which you stop and
watch how a red tailed hawk circles over the water gap or the way a baby
scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a Cheerio with her
thumb and first finger. Get a life in which you are not alone.

Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not
leisure, it is work. Each time you look at your diploma, remember that
you are still a student, still learning how to best treasure your
connection to others. Pick up the phone. Send an e-mail. Write a
letter. Kiss your Mom. Hug your Dad. Get a life in which you are
generous. Look around at the azaleas in the suburban neighborhood where
you grew up; look at a full moon hanging silver in a black, black sky on
a cold night. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that
you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its
goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have
spent on beers and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a
big brother or sister.

All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good, too, then doing
well will never be enough. It is so easy to waste our lives: our days,
our hours, our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of
the azaleas, the sheen of the limestone on Fifth Avenue, the color of
our kid's eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and
disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of live. I
learned to live many years ago. Something really, really bad happened
to me, something that changed my life in ways that, if I had my
druthers, it would never have been changed at all. And what I learned
from it is what, today, seems to be the hardest lesson of all. I
learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is
not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I
learned to look at all the good in the world and to try to give some of
it back because I believed in it completely and utterly. And I tried to
do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them
this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's
ear. Read in the backyard with the sun on your face. Learn to be
happy. And think of life as a terminal illness because if you do you
will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived. Well, you
can learn all those things, out there, if you get a real life, a full
life, a professional life, yes, but another life, too, a life of love
and laughs and a connection to other human beings. Just keep your eyes
and ears open. Here you could learn in the classroom. There the
classroom is everywhere. The exam comes at the very end. No man ever
said on his deathbed I wish I had spent more time at the office.

I found one of my best teachers on the boardwalk at Coney Island maybe
15 years ago. It was December, and I was doing a story about how the
homeless survive in the winter months. He and I sat on the edge of the
wooden supports, dangling our feet over the side, and he told me about
his schedule, panhandling the boulevard when the summer crowds were
gone, sleeping in a church when the temperature went below freezing,
hiding from the police amidst the Tilt a Whirl and the Cyclone and some
of the other seasonal rides. But he told me that most of the time he
stayed on the boardwalk, facing the water, just the way we were sitting
now even when it got cold and he had to wear his newspapers after he
read them. And I asked him why. Why didn't he go to one of the
shelters? Why didn't he check himself into the hospital for detox? And
he just stared out at the ocean and said, "Look at the view, young
lady. Look at the view." And every day, in some little way, I try to do
what he said. I try to look at the view. And that's the last thing I
have to tell you today, words of wisdom from a man with not a dime in
his pocket, no place to go, nowhere to be. Look at the view. You'll
never be disappointed.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818)461-8930
Instant Messenger ID: joshli
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 11/22/99: People of the 90's & Thanksgiving

Hi everyone,

Like millions of Americans, a large group of friends and I went to watch
the new James Bond movie. I really like it, but I thought the previous
movie with Michelle Yeoh, "Tomorrow Never Dies", is more action-packed
and better in general. In this movie, they were trying to develop M's
character and give Bond a more three dimensional personality.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could make one
fairytale or fable come true with yourself in it, which would you pick?"

This week's recommended website is: www.corbis.com. In my Strategy for
Information Industries course, we read a case study on a company that
sells stock photos to corporations. Our professor suggested this site
to check out, which I did. Corbis (owned by Bill Gates, I think),
contains millions of photos. You can search through their archives and
just browse the pictures. For example, I looked up pictures of Beijing,
since I've taken many pictures of that city myself. If you like to look
at pictures for places and peoples all over the world, this is a good
site to visit.

This week's humor was forwarded by Anna Man, followed by an
inspirational piece about Thanksgiving forwarded by Steve Lee.

Enjoy! Have a great Thanksgiving! Remember to give thanks for the
blessings over the last year.

-Josh.
_________________________________________

SIGNS THAT YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90'S

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You email your colleague at the desk next to you to ask "Do you wanna
go out for lunch?" and he replies "Yeah, give me 5 minutes."
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but
you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. Your reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they
don't have email.
7. Your idea of being organized is multicolored post-its.
8. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
9. When you go home after a long day at the office you still answer the
phone in a business manner.
10. When you make calls from home, you automatically dial "9" to get an
outside line.
11. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
12. You really get excited about a 1.7 % pay increase.
13. Your biggest loss from a computer crash is all of your jokes.
14. It's dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer.
15. You know exactly how many days you've got until retirement.
16. Interviewees, despite not having the knowledge or experience,
terminate the interview when told the starting salary.
17. When you see a good looking, smart person, you know it must be a
visitor.
18. Being sick is defined as not being able to walk or being in the
hospital.
19. You're already late on the assignment you just got.
20. Your boss' favorite lines are:
When you've got a few minutes...
Could you fit this in...?
...in your spare time...
When you're free...
I know you're busy, but...
21. Every week another collection envelope comes around because someone
you didn't know had started is leaving.
22. You wonder who's going to be left to put money in your 'leaving'
envelope.
23. Your family and friends describe your job as "works with
computers."
24. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
25. You read this entire list nodding and smiling.
26. As you read this list, you thought about forwarding it to your
"friends you send jokes to" email group.
27. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list
already, but you can't be bothered to check, so you forward it anyway.
____________________________

I AM THANKFUL.......

...for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.
...for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been
surrounded by friends.
...for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have
enough to eat.
...for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the
sunshine.
...for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters
that need fixing because it means I have a home.
...for all the complaining I hear about government because it means we
have freedom of speech.
...for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it
means I am capable of walking.
...for my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
...for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means
that I can hear.
...for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes
to wear.
...for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it
means I have been productive.
...for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it
means that I am alive.
...for getting too much e-mail because it lets me know I have friends
who are thinking of me.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!!
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818)461-8930
Instant Messenger ID: joshli
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 11/15/99: Heaven & Hell & The Flower

Hi everyone,

This weekend I watched the movie, "The Messenger", about Joan of Arc. I
really liked this movie and would recommend it to you. I usually enjoy
movies about medieval history and knights and in battle and I love
castles. (When I was young, I loved to read about King Arthur and Robin
Hood.) This movie contains some graphic battle scenes, so be careful.
If you do watch this movie, please explain to me who you think Dustin
Hoffman's character is supposed to be, because I'm not sure.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could have one meal
from your past exactly as it was, which would you repeat?"

For those of you who either attend BCEC now, or are an alum, please
join: http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/bcecconnections. Steve Lee created
this club on Yahoo so that we can all keep in better contact with each
other. It has some pretty cool features.

This week's humor was forwarded by Anna Man, followed by an
inspirational piece forwarded by Richard Lam. Be careful when you find
that "perfect" job!

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

Heaven & Hell

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive
woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in
heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though,
it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once
had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do
with you."

"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is
let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven",
said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in
an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she
found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf
course. In the distance was a country club. Standing in front of her
were all her friends, fellow executives that she had worked with and
they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up
and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They
played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club
where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the
Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a
great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time
that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand
and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and
found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in
heaven" he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on
clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and
before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now
you must choose your eternity," he said.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought
I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think
I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went
down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she
found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in Garbage and
Filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the
garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his
arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we
danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and
all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you;
today you're staff.
____________________________

THE FLOWER

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
Beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn - not enough rain, or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But, instead of retreating, he sat next to my side
And placed the flower to his nose
And declared with overacted surprise,
It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too.

That's why I picked it; here, it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colors: orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
That weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver; tears shone in the sun
As I thanked him for picking the very best one.
You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see
A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight.

Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see
The problem was not with the world; the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
And appreciate every second that's mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
And smiled as I watched that young boy,
Another weed in his hand,
About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818)461-8930
Instant Messenger ID: joshli
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 11/7/99: Aiya! & Something to Think About

Hi everyone,

I was chatting with my roommate Patrick tonight. We're both going to be
here over Thanksgiving. In the past years, when I was in Boston, Pastor
Steve invited all the young adults over to his house for Thanksgiving.
I really miss that yearly tradition. So this year, my roommate Patrick
and I are planning to host a Thanksgiving potluck. He'll cook a turkey
and I'll make some Chinese dishes. If you're here in the LA area, I'll
send you an invitation by email once we finalize the details. I just
want to let you know way in advance so you can try to make it. We're
also thinking of having people over on the following day, Friday, just
to hang out and watch a movie on DVD.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you were to be
recognized by posterity for one thing, what would you like to be known
for?"

The website that I want to invite you to check out this week is:
www.expertcentral.com. My friend Eric Lew, from my church in Boston, is
the Director of Engineering at this startup.

This week's humor was forwarded by Tina Tse, followed by an
inspirational story forwarded by someone on the UCLA IVGCF email list.

I have to say that this week's humor is one of the funniest that I've
read in a long time, but unfortunately you will probably appreciate it
much more if you're Chinese, speak Cantonese and live in Southern
California (Ranch 99 is a huge Chinese supermarket chain).

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

I had a craving for a sweet taste of childhood the other day; so I went
shopping for a can of grass jelly. I was putting said treat into my cart
and looking for my Ranch 99 VIP card when a woman with three kids in tow
ran into my cart. At that moment, both of us said, "Aiya." The children
giggled, she apologized, and I quickly replied, "M'sai...No apology
needed."

Although it was a minor exchange, I later realized that Aiya is more
than just two characters; it is part of the spirit of being Chinese...in
a moment of surprise I could've said just about anything- my reaction
was to say Aiya. I was surprised that I would instinctively use my
mother's tongue because I've always known that I don't speak Cantonese
well. No matter how far removed I've become as an American, there is
something at my core that is Chinese.

I decided to conduct informal research about Aiya. First, I went to a
national bookstore chain to review its Chinese language materials. I
thumbed through all the Chinese language materials, but couldn't find
any vocabulary drill including Aiya. Seeing that the publishers of
tourist books were not going to be helpful, I decided to observe its use
in the community. I clipped my cell phone to my belt, grabbed a couple
of bakery pink boxes and sat around San Francisco's Portsmouth Square
drinking 7-Up and eating dim sum. Lo and behold, the heard Aiya used in
a variety of ways. Based on my personal experience and this observation,
I've developed a personal understanding of Aiya.

Aiya is 24-carat Chinese gold. Aiya is more than just two characters; it
is part of the spirit of being Chinese and may even go back to
antiquity. It is used wherever the Chinese have been in the diaspora of
the last sesquicentennial.

How you say Aiya can say volumes about your state of mind. For example,
when the problem is minor, I can say "Aiya" in a short/curt manner.
However when I am extremely stressed, I can draw it out to nearly five
seconds. (I'm planning an experiment where I get a room full of people
to meditate using it as a mantra. With practice, I might get them to
draw out Aiya even longer.)

To explain more deeply how to use Aiya, imagine a worker slaving on the
Great Wall when he accidentally drops a brick (a quickie Aiya)...on the
work foreman (Aiya!!)- which gets him thrown into the wall to perish an
agonizing death (AIYA!!!!)

As you read the following ways Aiya can be used, the mental image to
solicit is to picture any of the mothers from Amy Tan's The Joy Luck
Club. For those who have met anyone in my family, you can picture one of
my relatives instead:

Surprise: "Aiya! A surprise party for me?"

Joy: "Aiya! You got 5 out of 6 in Lotto!"

Distaste: "You expect me to drink that herbal medicine concoction of
yours? Aiya!"

Doubt: "Do I have to wear that lemon yellow/lime green sweater my mother
made? I wonder if she would notice if I 'accidentally' donated it to
Goodwill? Aiya."

Awe: "Your son got accepted into Harvard Law School!?! Aiya!"

Irritation: "Clean your room. Aiya! Why you live like a pig?"

Large astonishment: "Aiya! She switch majors from Business to Art
History!"

Disapproval: "Report Card-5 A, 1 B? Always a B in Math. Aiya." (Actual
quote from my mother when I was a sophomore in high school.)

Shock: "What? Ketchup on Yang Chow Fried Rice...Aiya!"

Lamentation: "Aiya...why me...ungrateful child... Aiya." (Probably what
my mother is thinking when she reads this.)

Outrage: "Never clean your rice cooker with that steel scouring pad!
Aiya!"

Verge of internal combustion: "I can't deal with the family asking when
and if I'm getting married! Ai-yaaa!"

Aiya is an all-purpose phrase that comes from deep in the soul. Aiya is
both simple and complex: on one hand it is a couple of Chinese
characters, on the other hand it can be a whole speech describing the
state you are in. Aiya says "I'm afraid", "I'm in pain", "I don't
believe it." It is an exclamation of exuberance, a shout of hurt, a cry
of fear, and the reflex of being startled, and the embrace of joy.

It is unfortunate that English has no equivalent to Aiya. It saddens me
that American English doesn't afford me a fun phrase to emote.
"Shucks", "Darn" and the plethora of swear words cannot convey what Aiya
can. So, I'm going to propose that we start an initiative for American
English should grab on Aiya or the Yiddish "Oy" for our use.

So the next time you go to a teahouse for dim sum or decide to go
shopping at an Asian market, listen to the lively banter as friends and
families meet. It's a wonderfully vibrant, alive community out there.
Who knows, you just might get caught up the lyrical rhythm of the
people. Aiya, what fun!
____________________________

Something to Think About

Around the corner I have a friend
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone

And I never see my old friend's face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell,
And he rang mine..

If, we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men..
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name..

"Tomorrow" I say "I will call on Jim"
"Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows..

Around the corner!- yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir-"
"Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end..

Around the corner, a vanished friend..

If you love someone, tell them..
Remember always to say what you mean..
Never be afraid to express yourself..
Take this opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you..

Seize the day and have no regrets..
Most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have
helped make you the person that you are today and are what it's all
about anyway..

Pass this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day
and theirs. The difference between expressing love and having regrets is
that the regrets may stay around forever..
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818)461-8930
Instant Messenger ID: joshli
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 11/3/99: Beatle Songs & Paul Harvey

Hi everyone,

I wanted to write this email on Sunday night, but I went to help out at
my church's carnival for kids called "International Fun Factory". It
was really fun and a wholesome alternative to Halloween. I got home at
11 pm and had to work on a group paper due the next day. I ended up
going to sleep at 4:30 am, and had to wake up at 8:30 am. Needless to
say, I was extremely tired on Monday.

Most of you know that I worked at WishClick this summer. One of the
projects that I worked on was to craft a viral marketing strategy. My
supervisor, Carol, emailed me and told me that they have now implemented
it. So, it goes something like this:

You can get a free $10 gift certificate from SuperCertificates.com if
you register at WishClick. Just click on this link below:

http://www.wishclick.com/register.jsp?tell_friend_id=6tuJr3NwDDg

WishClick is an all-occasion online gift registry. You can read more
about all the features that they offer on their website. Registration
is free.

Not only that, once you register, if you get 5 friends to register,
you'll get a $25 gift certificate, and if you get 10 people, you'll get
a $50 gift certificate. You can redeem these gift certificates at over
100 top national retailers.

In addition to adding a plug for WishClick this week, I'm going to add a
new feature to my weekly emails. I'm going to suggest a cool or
interesting website that I recommend you to visit. I've subscribed to
several daily emails where they send me a cool sites to visit. Also,
many of you have sent me cool sites. Finally, some of you are working
at Internet startups, and if you want me to, I'll recommend your site in
one of these weekly emails.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could have the
answer to any question, what would you ask?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Kim Keow, followed by an
inspirational story by Paul Harvey forwarded by Anna Man. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

"Yesterday"

Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

"Let it Be"

When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
speaking words of wisdom:
Write in C.
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC's not the answer.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.

IMAGINE

Imagine there's no Windows,
It's easy if you try.
No fatal errors or new bugs
To kill your hard drives.
Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
Leaving us in peace!
Imagine neverending hard disks,
It isn't hard to do.
Nothing to del or wipe off
And no floppy too
Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
Sharing all his money.
You may say I'm a hacker,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us
And your games will fit in RAM
Imagine 1-Giga RAM
I wonder if you can.
No need for left-shifts or setups
And no booting again and again.
Imagine all the systems
Working all life-time!
You may say I'm a hacker,
But I'm not the only one.
Maybe someday I'll be a cracker
And then I'll make Windows run.
____________________________

By Paul Harvey

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them
worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better. I'd really like for them
to know about hand-me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover
meatloaf sandwiches. I really would. I hope you learn humility by being
humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you
learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really
hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen. It will be
good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put
to sleep. I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe
in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother. And it's
all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but
when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I
hope you let him. When you want to see a movie and your little brother
wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you
live in a town where you can do it safely. On rainy days when you have
to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your 'driver' to drop you two
blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your
Mom. If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make
one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read
books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add
and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on
a girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what Ivory
soap tastes like. May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your
hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole. I don't
care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a
friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your
friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandpa and go
fishing with your Uncle. May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy
during the holidays. I hope your Mother punishes you when you throw a
baseball through a neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses
you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work
and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss.
If you are my friend, please answer this:
Are we friends Or are we not?
You told me once But I forgot.
So tell me now And tell me true.
So I can say....... "I'm here for you."
Of all the friends I've ever met,
You're the one I won't forget.
And if I die Before you do,
I'll go to heaven
And wait for you.

Send this to all of your friends that mean the most to you
and whoever sent it to you to show you are a good friend!..
"We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them."
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818)461-8930
Instant Messenger ID: joshli
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/