Humor 2/28/00: Tendjewberrymud & Survival Kit

Hi everyone,

I had a great time in Boston this past weekend. The Cyberposium
conference at Harvard was awesome. They did a great job in organizing
the conference. You can see the streaming videos of the keynotes by
David Wetherell of CMGI, Jeff Bezos of Amazon, and all the panels and
workshops at www.cyberposium.com.

I also had a great time eating out with lots of friends. It happened to
be Rich Sahara and Eric Lew's birthday dinner on Saturday night, so I
was glad I was in town this weekend. After that, we went to Eric's
apartment, where we watched a movie on DVD, had dessert, and played an
UNO card game variation called Hokey Knokey. It's a lot of fun. I'm
going to buy some decks of UNO cards so I can teach my friends here in
LA how to play this. I'm going to post the pictures I took with my
digital camera on the BCEC Connections club on Yahoo. If you don't have
access to this and would like to, please let me know.

While I was in Boston, I heard from many people that their Christmas
cards to me were returned. Furthermore, the address they have for me is
correct. I think what happened is that my roommate and I both went home
for Christmas. Once our mailbox was packed, the postman returned all
our mail to the post office. They probably forgot to redeliver it, and
just returned it to the sender. Sorry about that.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you were to be
successful in another profession, what would you want to do?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Anna Man, followed by an
inspirational story forwarded by Steve Lee.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

Warning: This takes some patience to read through

Its amazing, you will understand the word on the second line by the end
of the conversation...... Read aloud for best results (and some
semblance of comprehension). "Tendjewberrymud"

Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while
after reading this. This has been nominated for best email of 1999.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the
Far East Economic Review.....

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"

RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"

RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"

RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"

RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes'
means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we
bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an
English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."

RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,
tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"

RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G: "You're welcome"
____________________________

An Everyday Survival Kit:

Toothpick
Rubber band
Band-Aid
Pencil
Eraser
Chewing gum
Mint
Candy Kiss
Tea Bag

Here's why:

Toothpick - to remind you to pick out the good qualities in others.

Rubber band - to remind you to be flexible, things might not always go
the way you want, but it will work out.

Band Aid - to remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours or someone else's.

Pencil - To remind you to list your blessings everyday.

Eraser - to remind you that everyone makes mistakes, and it's okay.

Chewing gum - to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish
anything.

Mint - to remind you that you are worth a mint to your family and
friends.

Candy Kiss - to remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug everyday.

Tea Bag - to remind you to relax daily and go over that list of your
blessings.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
President, High Tech Business Association
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818) 461-8930
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 2/21/00: Resume Quotes & Brother's Song

Hi everyone,

I'll be in Boston from 2/24 to 2/27 and will be staying with my former
roommate Richard Sahara. If you want to reach me, his phone number is:
617-923-8259. Hope to see you in Boston!

Have you all read the latest article about Asian American males in
Newsweek? If not, here's the link:

http://newsweek.com/nw-srv/printed/us/so/a16374-2000feb13.htm

Two of my classmates from B-school, Chris Jenkins and Alex Wang, took
this year off in order to start an Internet company focusing on car
service and repair. Well, their site, Motoreyes, is up and running and
it looks pretty good. It useful for a guy like me, who doesn't know
much about car service and repairs and tends to forget about car
maintenance. At their site, you can schedule automotive service and
repair appointments at quality facilities. This site has a diagnostic
and education section, as well as a way for you to send email to
automotive experts. You can register for free at
www.motoreyes.com/personal/register1.asp?refid=5000653.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could go back in
time, as yourself, to live for one year at any point in history, what
year would you choose, and where would you go?"

This week's humor was forwarded by John Chao, followed by a truly
inspirational story forwarded by someone on the IVGCF distribution list.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in
the 21 July 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.
3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Wholly responsible for two (two) failed financial institutions.
5. Reason for leave last job: maturity leave.
6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. It's best for employers that I not work with people.
8. Let's meet , so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience.
9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
12. Martial status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
commitments.
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs.. Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.
16. My goal is to be meteorologist. But since I possess no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
18. Personal interests: giving blood - fourteen gallons so far.
19. As indicated, I have over five years of analysing investments.
20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
21. Note: please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have
never quit a job.
22. Marital status: often. Children: various
23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to
work by 8:45am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions.
24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers.
25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
26. References: none. I have left a path of destruction behind me.
____________________________

Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the
way, she did what she could to help her 3-year-old son, Michael, prepare
for a new sibling. They found out that the new baby was going to be a
girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael sang to his sister
in Mommy's tummy. He was building a bond of love with his little sister
before he even met her. The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen, an
active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in
Morristown, TN.

In time, the labor pains came. Soon it was every five minutes, every
three...every minute. But serious complications arose during delivery
and Karen found herself in hours of labor. Would a C-section be
required? Finally, after a long struggle, Michael's little sister was
born. But she was in very serious condition. With a siren howling in
the night, the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive
care unit at St. Mary's Hospital, Knoxville, Tennessee.

The days inched by. The little girl got worse. The pediatrician had to
tell the parents, "There is very little hope. Be prepared for the
worst." Karen and her husband contacted a local cemetery about a
burial plot. They had fixed up a special room in their house for their
new baby but now they found themselves having to plan for a funeral.
Michael, however, kept begging his parents to let him see his sister.
"I want to sing to her," he kept saying. Week two in intensive care
looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over. Michael
kept nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in
Intensive Care. Karen made up her mind, though. She would take Michael
whether they liked it or not! If he didn't see his sister right then,
he may never see her alive.

She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU. He
looked like a walking laundry basket. But the head nurse recognized him
as a child and bellowed, "Get that kid out of here now! No children are
allowed." The mother rose up strong in Karen, and the usually
mild-mannered lady glared steel-eyed right into the head nurse's face,
her lips a firm line. "He is not leaving until he sings to his sister!"

Karen towed Michael to his sister's bedside. He gazed at the tiny
infant losing the battle to live. After a moment, he began to sing. In
the pure-hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sang: "You are my
sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray ---."
Instantly the baby girl seemed to respond. The pulse rate began to calm
down and become steady. "Keep on singing, Michael," encouraged Karen
with tears in her eyes. "You never know, dear, how much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away." As Michael sang to his sister, the
baby's ragged, strained breathing became as smooth as a kitten's purr.

"Keep on singing, Sweetheart!!!" "The other night, dear, as I lay
sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms..." Michael's little sister
began to relax as rest, healing rest, seemed to sweep over her. "Keep
on singing, Michael." Tears had now conquered the face of the bossy
head nurse. Karen glowed. "You are my sunshine, my only Sunshine.
Please don't, take my sunshine away..."

The next, day...the very next day... the little girl was well enough to
go home! Woman's Day Magazine called it "The Miracle of a Brother's
Song." The medical staff just called it a miracle. Karen called it a
miracle of God's love!

NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE. LOVE IS SO INCREDIBLY POWERFUL.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
President, High Tech Business Association
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818) 461-8930
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 2/13/00: Gas Reader & Girl's Prayer

Hi everyone,

Happy Valentine's Day! The young adults from my church will be getting
together for a hotpot dinner at someone's house. I'm looking forward to
it. Kind of reminds me of when my small group in Boston went to the
really fancy restaurant in Boston called "Spinnaker" for Valentine's
Day. The restaurant spins 360 degrees slowly, so you can see the Boston
skyline. We all got dressed up for that occasion and it was a great
deal of fun. That must have been about 5 years ago.

Do any of you MIT alums know Joe Tang, class of 1990? I went to visit
the Internet incubator he co-founded called Guidance Solutions. I'm
very impressed with how he and his two partners are very humble and have
created a great culture for their company. The company is growing very
quickly. He also used to DJ while at MIT and I think I hired him once
or twice to DJ our Harvard AAA dances!

I'll be in Boston from 2/24 to 2/27 and will be staying with my former
roommate Richard Sahara. If you want to reach me, his phone number is:
617-923-8259. Hope to see you in Boston!

Once in a while I'll recommend a website. This week's recommendation is
Imandi. They are kind of like Priceline in that you specify what you
are looking to buy. Then various vendors will send you their bids. I
haven't actually used their service. I'm more interested in seeing how
their viral marketing campaign works. You get $5 for every person that
signs up through your referral. You can check out their site at:
http://www.imandi.com/go/run.dll?Rewards&ref=joshli.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you had to eat the same
meal for the rest of your life, morning, noon, and night, without
worrying about nutrition, what would you eat?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Anna Man, followed by a truly
inspirational story forwarded by someone on the IVGCF distribution list.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young
trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.

They parked their truck at one end of the alley and worked their way to
the other end. At the last house an older woman was looking out her
kitchen window watching the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger
coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove
that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that
last house was huffing and puffing right behind them.

They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard
as you two were, I figure I'd better run too!"
____________________________

A Little Girl's Prayer
(As told by Helen Roseveare, a doctor missionary from England to Zaire,
Africa)

One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in
spite of all we could do she died leaving us with a tiny premature baby
and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping
the baby alive, as we had no incubator (we had no electricity to run an
incubator) and no special feeding facilities.

Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with
treacherous drafts. One student midwife went for the box we had for
such babies and the cotton wool the baby would be wrapped in. Another
went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back
shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had
burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates. "And it is our
last hot water bottle!" she exclaimed.

As in the West it is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central
Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles.
They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest
pathways.

"All right," I said, "Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can;
sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your
job is to keep the baby warm."

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any
of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the
youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them
about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby
warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle. The baby could so easily
die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister,
crying because her mother had died.

During the prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the
usual blunt conciseness of our African children. "Please, God," she
prayed, "send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the
baby'll be dead, so please send it this afternoon." While I gasped
inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of corollary,
"And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the
little girl so she'll know You really love her?"

As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I
honestly say, "Amen"? I just did not believe that God could do this.
Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything. The Bible says so. But
there are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this
particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from the homeland. I
had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never,
ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send me a
parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses'
training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front
door. By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the
verandah, was a large twenty-two pound parcel! I felt tears pricking my
eyes. I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage
children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each
knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly.
Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were
focused on the large cardboard box.

>From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes
sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for
the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came
a box of mixed raisins and sultanas -- that would make a nice batch of
buns for the weekend. Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the . . .
could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out -- yes! A brand-new,
rubber hot water bottle! I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had
not truly believed that He could.

Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying
out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!"

Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small,
beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted!

Looking up at me, she asked, "Can I go over with you, Mummy, and give
this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves
her?"

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months! Packed up by my
former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's
prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. And one of
the girls had put in a dolly for an African child -- five months before
-- in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it "that
afternoon."

"Before they call, I will answer!" Isaiah 65:24

*Helen Roseveare, a doctor missionary from England to Zaire, Africa,
told this as it happened to her in Africa. She told it in her testimony
on a Wednesday night at Thomas Road Baptist Church.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
President, High Tech Business Association
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818) 461-8930
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 2/7/00: How to Cross a River & Baby Erik and the Old Man

Hi everyone,

Happy Chinese New Year! I hope you had lots of great Chinese food to
celebrate. Although I didn't have Chinese food, I had a good time
eating dinner with some of my classmates.

I'm very excited because I will be going back to Boston to attend
Harvard B-school's Cyberposium conference. I'll be in Boston from 2/24
to 2/27. The conference will be from Friday evening to Sunday
afternoon. However, I will be at BCEC on Sunday, but probably won't
make it to Oasis.

If you're free, I would like to meet up during the day on Thursday or
Friday. Since I'll be at Harvard most of the time, I don't think I'm
renting a car. So if we can meet in Cambridge that would be great. I'm
really looking forward to seeing everyone again.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could discover that
something you thought was false was actually true, what would you wish
it to be?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Anna Man, followed by an
inspirational (and very convicting) story forwarded by Ryan Chen.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent
river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no way of crossing
the river.

The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength,
courage, and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms
and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two
hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me
the strength, courage, and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave
him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about three
hours.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also
prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, courage, and
ability to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman
and he walked across the bridge.
____________________________

Baby Erik and the Old Man

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in
a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly eating and talking.
Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi there." He pounded his
fat baby hands on the high-chair tray. His eyes were wide with
excitement and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin. He wriggled and
giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man with
a tattered rag of a coat; dirty, greasy and worn. His pants were baggy
with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes.
His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His
whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so
varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell,
but I was sure he smelled.

His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. "Hi there, baby; hi there,
big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Erik. My husband and I
exchanged looks, "What do we do?" Erik continued to laugh and answer,
"Hi, hi there."

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the
man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby.
Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya
know patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows
peek-a-boo."

Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My
husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik,
who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum,
who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband
went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The
old man sat poised between me and the door. "Lord, just let me out of
here before he speaks to me or Erik," I prayed.

As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to side-step him
and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my
arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's "pick-me-up" position.

Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the
man's. Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby
consummated their love relationship. Erik in an act of total trust,
love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder.
The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His
aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor -- gently, so gently,
cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back.

No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood
awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms for a
moment, and then his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a
firm commanding voice, "You take care of this baby."

Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone. He
pried Erik from his chest -- unwillingly, longingly, as though he were
in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am,
you've given me my Christmas gift."

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran
for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik
so tightly, and why I was saying, "My God, my God, forgive me."

I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny
child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and
a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind,
holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking -- "Are you
willing to share your son for a moment?" -- when He shared His for all
eternity.

The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, "To enter the Kingdom
of God, we must become as little children."

If this has blessed you, please bless others by sending it on.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818)461-8930
Instant Messenger ID: joshli
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/