Humor 9/26/98: Patients

Hey,

I would like to welcome all my new classmates at the Anderson school to
my weekly humor email. I hope you will enjoy the humor as well as the
inspirational story after the humor.

This past week has been really busy. Orientation started on Wednesday,
and it was packed with lots of activities, workshops, and fun events.
However, it's really tiring as well. I pretty much bought and assembled
all the furniture that I need, so I'm pretty much done with all the
major things on my to-do list for settling in, except my own phone line
needs be installed by the phone company on Wednesday. So if any of you
tried to call me, my line is not working yet. I have another week of
orientation, followed by classes on Oct. 5th. I'm really excited about
my classes for the fall. I would be even more excited if I got off the
waitlist for a class called "Managerial Problem Solving". If I do get
in, I'll describe it to you then.

Ok, this week's humor was forwarded by Marilyn Li, followed by an
inspirational story forwarded by Jeanie Chou. (I edited it slightly).
By the way, the time management expert mentioned in the story is Stephen
Covey, and I have actually seen a videotape of him demonstrating this
story. I think this story is especially relevant to those of us who
need to prioritize our tiime commitments. Take care and keep in touch!

-Josh.
___________________________________

5 surgeons are taking a coffee break. 1st surgeon says: "Accountants
are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything
inside is
numbered."

2nd surgeon says: "Naw, librarians are the best . . . everything inside
them is in alphabetical order."
3rd surgeon says: "Try electricians. Everything inside THEM is color
coded."
4th intercedes: "I like mechanics . . . they always understand when you
have a few parts left over at the end."

To which the 5th surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the
conversation, says, "You're all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest.
There's no guts, no heart, no spine and their head and butt are
interchangeable."
___________________________________

BIG ROCKS OF LIFE

A while back I was reading about an expert on the subject of time
management. One day this expert was speaking to a group of business
students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration I'm sure those
students will never forget. After I share it with you, you'll never
forget it either.

As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers,
he said "Okay, time for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon,
wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he
produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one
at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside,
he asked, "Is this jar full?" Everyone in the class said, "Yes." Then
he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket
of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing
pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big
rocks. Then he smiled and asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?"

By this time the class was on to him. "Probably not," one of them
answered.

"Good!" he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a
bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the
spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the
question, "Is this jar full?"

"No!" the class shouted.

Once again he said, "Good!" Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and
began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim.

Then he looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of this
illustration?"

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how
full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some
more things into it!"

"No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this
illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first,
you'll never get them in at all."

The title of this letter is The "Big Rocks" of Life.

What are the big rocks in your life? [Section removed] Remember to put
these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all.

Author Unknown
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu

Humor 9/21/98: 25 Responses For Sleeping At Your Desk

Hey everyone,

Welcome back to my weekly humor emails. After getting here to LA, I've
been very busy doing all kinds of errands. I did attend a two-day math
refresher course that was excellent. I bought a laptop, bought
furniture for my room, got insurance for my car, got CA driver's
license, registered my car, etc. I have to say that the CA Department
of Motor Vehicles is pretty efficient. The wait on the lines were only
about 5 to 10 minutes! However, it is really expensive to register a
car from outside of California.

Here's the thought provoking question for the week: "How much of your
clothing has gone unworn for at least one year? What is the one item of
clothing that you would be least likely to get rid of? Why?"

This week's humor email was forwarded by Jeanie Chou, and the
inspirational story after that was forwarded by Anna Man. Sorry if
you've already received either from them.

Take care and keep in touch!

-Josh.
_________________________________

Twenty five best responses if found asleep at your desk

25. "Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!"

24. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

23. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed
about work!"

22. "You don't discriminate against those with Latient Atrophy Zymosis
Yeast syndrome, DO YOU?!?"

21. "Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."

20. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

19. "Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."

18. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the
last time management course you sent me to."

17. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

16. "I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a
new paradigm!"

15. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

14. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

13. "I'm doing the "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I
learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."

12. "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"

11. "This is a highly specific Yoga position to relieve work-related
stress."

10. "Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!"

9. "I was working smarter-not harder."

8. "Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."

7. "I'm in the management training program."

6. "The coffee machine is broken...."

5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the
workaholic!"

2. "It's okay... I'm still billing the client."

And the #1 response if found asleep at your desk:

1. "...and I especially thank you for my excellent boss, Amen!"

____________________________________________

The power of a child's love.

Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another
baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her 3-year-old son,
Michael, prepare for a new sibling. They find out that the new baby is
going to be a girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael sings
to his sister in Mommy's tummy.

The pregnancy progresses normally for Karen, an active member of the
Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown, Tennessee.

Then the labor pains come. Every five minutes...every minute. But
complications arise during delivery. Hours of labor. Would a
C-section be required?

Finally, Michael's little sister is born. But she is in serious
condition. With siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushes the
infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital,
Knoxville, Tennessee.

The days inch by. The little girl gets worse. The pediatric specialist
tells the parents, "There is very little hope. Be prepared for the
worst."
Karen and her husband contact a local cemetery about a burial plot.
They have fixed up a special room in their home for the new baby - now
they plan a funeral.

Michael keeps begging his parents to let him see his sister.
"I want to sing to her," he says.

Week two in intensive care. It looks as if a funeral will come before
the week is over. Michael keeps nagging about singing to his sister,
but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care. But Karen makes up her
mind.
She will take Michael whether they like it or not. If he doesn't see
his sister now, he may never see her alive.

She dresses him in an oversized scrub suit and marches him into ICU.
He looks like a walking laundry basket, but the head nurse recognizes
him
as a child and bellows, "Get that kid out of here now! No children are
allowed". The mother rises up strong in Karen, and the usually mild
mannered
lady glares steel-eyed into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line.

"He is not leaving until he sings to his sister!"

Karen tows Michael to his sister's bedside. He gazes at the tiny infant
losing the battle to live. And he begins to sing. In the pure hearted
voice
of a 3-year-old, Michael sings:
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
you make me happy when skies are gray --- "

Instantly the baby girl responds. The pulse rate becomes calm and
steady.

Michael keeps singing. "You never know, dear, how much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away---"

The ragged, strained breathing becomes as smooth as a kitten's purr.

Keep on singing, Michael. "The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed I held you in my arms..."

Michael's little sister relaxes at last, a healing rest seems to
sweep over her.

Keep on singing, Michael. Tears conquer the face of the bossy head
nurse.
Karen glows.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please don't take my sunshine
away."

Funeral plans are scrapped. The next day - the very next day -
the little girl is well enough to go home! Woman's Day magazine called
it "the miracle of a brother's song." The medical staff just called it
a miracle.

Karen called it a miracle of God's love!


NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE

Send this to all the people that have touched your life.

Humor 9/7/98: Intelligent Monkeys

Hey,

I hope your Labor Day weekend is going well. I'm in the midst of
packing for my cross country trek. I'm leaving on Thursday and will
arrive by next Wednesday. Since I'll be travelling, I won't be sending
out this humor email this coming weekend.

Here's a thought provoking question, off the top of my head: "If you
could travel in time, would be go forward or backward? What year and
what place would you want to go? A sci-fi related question to time
travel that I've always wondered, "If you travelled back in time and
killed your ancestor, what would happen to you?" Please send me any of
your thoughts.

This week's humor comes from Ravi Bhasin and the inspirational story
after that comes from Ryan Chen. Enjoy!

P.S. Feel free to add me back to your humor distribution list. Thanks!

______________________________________

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
display. While he was there another customer walked in and said to the
shopkeeper "I'll have a C monkey please". The shopkeeper nodded, went
over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit a
collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying "That'll be
$5000". The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled,
the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very
expensive monkey most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did
it cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program
in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive - $10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it
can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All
the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in
a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He
gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put
together! What on earth does it do?" The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I
haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's from Andersen
Consulting."
______________________________

The Fence

There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of
nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail
in the back fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nail into the
fence. Then it gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to
hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally, the
day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father
about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for
each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the
young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were
gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said,
"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The
fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave
a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it
out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is
still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and
encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of
praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your
friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a
FRIEND.