9/24/00: Dilbert Quotes, A Decision

Hi,

I had dinner with some friends this evening. One of the things we started
to talk about was games we played when we were kids. One game that I
played in Taiwan out in the streets with the kids from the neighborhood was
based on the Chinese zodiac. For each sign, there was a physical
challenge, like jumping a hurdle, running a certain pattern, etc. What
kind of games did you play growing up? Everyone at dinner agreed that kids
today don't play group games with each other like we did when we were kids.

The responses to last week's question were honesty, truth, and morally
upright.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could have invented
anything from history, what would you pick?"

This week's humor was forwarded from Tina Sze. The puzzle is from Jeff
Couture. Finally, the inspirational piece was forwarded from Monica Quock.


Enjoy!

-Josh.

Come to the APEX/NAAAP Conference here in LA! (10/6-8)
http://www.apex.org/content.cfm?content_id=81
______________________________________________

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were looking for
people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here
are the finalists.

12. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

11. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

10. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel
Service)

9. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will
believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for
months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's
time to tell them. (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M
Corp.)

8. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only
needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she
couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of
Dell Computers)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

6. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I
told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the
busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to
Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD
Florists)

5. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going
to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines
Division)

4. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to
inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned
above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

3. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a
project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He
said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask
for it!" (New business manager Hallmark Greeting Cards.)

2. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing
our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo one
of the sentences I mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one of the
training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive
committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and told that the
executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I
asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophilia?)
working in her company. Finally, he showed me her copy of the memo, with
her demand that I be fired - and the word "pedagogical" circled in red. The
HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his
dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told
me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later, a memo to the
entire staff came out directing us that no words which could not be found
in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month
later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my
resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco
Bell Corporation)

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks; (This was the winning
quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)
_______________________

Puzzle: Marbles

You have 12 marbles that all look (and as far as you can tell, feel
identical). In fact one of those marbles' mass is slightly different from
the others. You have a balance, but it has a self-destruct feature that
prevents you from using it more than 3 times. How can you figure out which
marble is different and whether that marble is heavier or lighter than the
others?
__________________________________________________

A Decision

After a few of the usual Sunday evening hymns, the church's pastor once
again slowly stood up, walked over to the pulpit, and gave a very brief
introduction of his childhood friend. With that, an elderly man stepped up
to the pulpit to speak:

"A father, his son, and a friend of his son were sailing off the Pacific
Coast," he began, "when a fast approaching storm blocked any attempt to get
back to shore. The waves were so high, that even though the father was an
experienced sailor, he could not keep the boat upright, and the three were
swept into the ocean."

The old man hesitated for a moment, making eye contact with two teenagers
who were, for the first time since the service began, looking somewhat
interested in his story. He continued, "Grabbing a rescue line, the father
had to make the most excruciating decision of his life....to which boy he
would throw the other end of the line? He only had seconds to make the
decision. The father knew that his son was a Christian, and he also knew
that his son's friend was not. The agony of his decision could not be
matched by the torrent of waves. As the father yelled out, 'I love you,
son!' he threw the line to his son's friend.

By the time he pulled the friend back to the capsized boat, his son had
disappeared beyond the raging swells into the black of night. His body was
never recovered.

By this time, the two teenagers were sitting straighter in the pew, waiting
for the next words to come out of the old man's mouth. "The father," he
continued, "knew his son would step into eternity with Jesus, and he could
not bear the thought of his son's friend stepping into an eternity without
Jesus. Therefore, he sacrificed his son. How great is the love of God
that He should do the same for us." With that, the old man turned and sat
back down in his chair as silence filled the room.

Within minutes after the service ended, the two teenagers were at the old
man's side. "That was a nice story," politely started one of the boys,
"but I don't think it was very realistic for a father to give up his son's
life in hopes that the other boy would become a Christian."

"Well, you've got a point there," the old man replied, glancing down at his
worn Bible. A big smile broadened his narrow face, and he once again
looked up at the boys and said, "It sure isn't very realistic, is it? But
I'm standing here today to tell you that THAT story gives me a glimpse of
what it must have been like for God to give up His Son for me. You
see....I was the son's friend."

9/17/00: Newspaper Headlines, Already Complete

Hi,

FYI - If you are sending me emails to my Anderson email address, that
address is now deactivated. Please send all personal emails to me at:
joshli@post.harvard.edu. I'll be keeping this as my permanent forwarding
email address, so you will never have to change it again.

Do you like Chinese films? Well, I love films from China, Taiwan, Hong
Kong, etc. There will be a Chinese film festival here in LA from 9/25 to
9/29. After that, the festival goes to SF and then NYC. The tickets are
FREE. I'm planning to go to several of these. For ticket and event
details, call (888) 906-FILM or visit http://www.chinesefilmfestival.org.

Two people replied to last week's question (answers were lasagna and
coconut).

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you had to pick the most
important quality for a leader of your country, what would it be?"

This week's humor was forwarded from Jennifer Chin. The puzzle is from
Phil Lin (solution to last week's puzzle was written by Clarice Law).
Finally, the inspirational piece was forwarded from Anna Man.

Enjoy!

-Josh.

Come to the APEX/NAAAP Conference here in LA! (10/6-8)
http://www.apex.org/content.cfm?content_id=81
______________________________________________

BEST NEWSPAPER HEADLINES OF 1999

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
_______________________

Puzzle: Another Duel with Poison

The following puzzle was created by Michael Rabin, who I think is a
professor of computer science at Harvard. If you pass on this puzzle, be
sure to retain this attribution.

There is a world in which the inhabitants have a strange physiology. If a
healthy person ingests a poison, he will die within an hour unless he
ingests a stronger poison, in which case he becomes healthy again.
(Ingesting weaker poisons has no effect; the person must still ingest a
poison stronger than the poison that got him sick in the first place, and
doing so automatically annuls all other weaker poisons that he may have
ingested in the meantime.) The poisons in this world are strictly linearly
ordered in strength. Moreover, there are two kinds of poisons: magical and
medical, which are dispensed by the Royal Magician and the
Royal Physician respectively. No magical poison has the same strength as a
medical poison. All of these facts are common knowledge.

The King decides that he wants to find the strongest poison in the land,
because it will not only be very useful for eliminating enemies but will
also act as an antidote against any other poison. So he calls in the Royal
Magician and the Royal Physician and says, "I want each of you to return
here to my royal chambers at noon tomorrow. Bring a vial of your strongest
poison. To give you incentive to bring your strongest poison, you must do
the following: each of you must drink first from the other's vial and then
drink from your own vial. I will have trained observers present to make
sure that you cannot cheat. Then you will be watched for one hour, during
which you may not ingest any substances. The person who has the stronger
poison will of course survive and the other will die. This is unfortunate
but I have decided that it is worth it, in the interests of national
security. If I suspect that either one of you is trying to cheat or
somehow circumvent my plan, I will execute both of you instantly. You may
go now, but you must return at the specified time."

The Royal Physician and the Royal Magician go off, both very disturbed,
because each one wants very much to survive. Neither of them is fully
confident of having the strongest poison. Although both of them have full
knowledge of the relative strengths of their own poisons, neither has any
way of getting access to the other's poisons. They rack their brains all
night trying to think how they can best ensure their own survival.

The appointed time rolls around and the two Royal Servants return. They
follow the specified protocol exactly, and are watched carefully for one
hour. To everyone's astonishment, both Royal Servants keel over and die
within the hour. The Royal Coroner confirms that both died of poisoning.

How can this be?

Bonus: after you find the intended solution to the puzzle, "cook" the
puzzle; i.e., find three other legitimate solutions.
___________________________________________________

Already Complete

Just because no one has been fortunate enough
to realize what a gold mine you are,
doesn't mean you shine any less.
Just because no one has been smart enough
to figure out that you can't be topped,
doesn't stop you from being the best.
Just because no one has come along to share your life,
doesn't mean that day isn't coming.
Just because no one has made this race worth while,
doesn't give you permission to stop running.
Just because no one has realized how much of a woman you are,
doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.
Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away,
doesn't mean you have to settle for a lower quality.
Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level,
doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.
Just because you deserve the very best there is,
doesn't mean that life is always fair.
Just because God is still preparing your king,
doesn't mean that you're not already a queen.
Just because your situation
doesn't seem to be progressing right now,
doesn't mean you need to change a thing.
Keep shining,
Keep running,
Keep hoping,
Keep praying,
Keep being exactly what you are already; complete
__________________________

Answer to last week's puzzle:

Figuring out which light switch is correct requires patience and
temperature discernment. While outside, turn on switch #2 and leave it on
5 minutes. Then turn it off and turn on switch 3# and enter room. If
light is on, it's switch #3. If light is off, you'll need to feel the
bulb. If the bulb is warm, it's switch #2. If light is off and bulb is
cold, it's switch #1.

9/10/00: Fun Tidbits, Puzzle, That's Love

Hi,

A few weekends ago, I went to the Getty Center. I finally posted the
pictures on Zing. You can check them out at:
http://www.zing.com/album/?id=4293646577

I also posted pictures of Ben & Eileen and their baby on the BCEC Alumni
Club on Yahoo. This weekend, Chris Ong and his wife Annie came to LA from
Singapore for a short stopover on their way to Orlando for their honeymoon.
They will be visiting Boston at the end of September. Charles Owyang and I
met up with them for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. I'll post those
pictures in the future.

Five people replied to last week's question. Three said they are a
modernist, two said they are post-modern.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you were to select a food
that best describes your character, what food would it be?"

This week's humor was forwarded from Evelyn Lau. Then there is another
puzzle from Dave Shim (the answer to last week's puzzle is at the end of
this email, written very well by Phil Lin). Finally, the inspirational
piece was forwarded from Susan Hasegawa.

Enjoy!

-Josh.

Some of you wanted to know the name of the email merge program I'm using.
It's called Mail King and you can download a 30-day evaluation copy at
www.mailking.com (you will be redirected).

Come to the APEX/NAAAP Conference here in LA!
http://www.apex.org/content.cfm?content_id=81
______________________________________________

Fun Tidbits

7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers
were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the
mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of
pickles the company once had.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez
dispenser.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike
factory workers in Malaysia combined.

All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen
wearing them in public.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly
_______________________

Puzzle: Lightbulb

There's a room with a light bulb. Outside the room are three switches,
each initially in the "off" position, one of which controls the light bulb.
At the start, the door leading to the room is closed, and there is no way
to tell, from the outside, whether or not the light bulb has been turned
on. Can you figure out a way to determine, with 100% accuracy, which
switch controls the light bulb? The only limitation as to what you can do
is that once you open the door, you can't go back to the switches. Other
than that, you can doing anything else (but no drilling holes in the walls,
etc.)
___________________________________________________

That's Love

In a survey of 4-8 year olds, kids share their views on love. But what do
little kids know about love? Read on and be surprised that despite their
young and innocent minds, kids already have a simple but deep grasp of that
four-letter word.

Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the
way.

When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when
his hands got arthritis too. That's love.

When someone loves you, the way she says your name is different. You know
that your name is safe in her mouth.

God could have said magic words to make the nails fall off the cross, but
He didn't. That's love.

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and
they go out and smell each other.

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
without making them give you any of theirs.

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before
giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents for a minute and look around.

Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no.

When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared she
won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only does
she still love you, she loves you even more.

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends
even after they've know each other so well.

Love comes from people's hearts, but God made hearts.

That's love - pass it on!!
__________________________

Answer to last week's puzzle:

Knowing that the Dragon will bring the strongest poison, the King decided
to drink a weak poison (#1) before hand and drinks the Dragon's glass #10
as antidote. Furthermore, the Kings brings water in his glass. The
Dragon, thinking he drank a poison, quickly ingests poison #10, knowing
that the King does not know the location of pool #10. The Dragon ended up
dead because he in fact did not drink any weaker poison in the first place.

In short,
K drinks #1 before, brings water, uses D's glass as antidote
D drinks brings #10, attempted to use #10 as antidote and dies

9/5/00: Honeymoon, Puzzle, Building Your House

Hi,

I hope you had a great Labor Day weekend. I went to the ICC conference,
near Castaic Lake. Pastor Cory Ishida at Evergreen SGV was the speaker and
he was excellent. The theme was "Upward, Inward, Outward". I learned a
great deal and met some cool people.

One of the workshops I attended was called, "Vital Faith in Our Postmodern
World", led by Jonathan Wu. He explained the difference between Modernism
and Postmodernism. I thought I was a modernist, but my friend Steve Lee
thought I was a post-modernist.

So, this week's thought provoking question is: "Are you more of a
modernist or post-modernist?" If you are not sure of the difference, I've
included a short description of the two terms at the very end of this
email. I'm really curious to see which category you fit into.

This week's humor was forwarded from Anna Man. Since so many of you
responded to last week's puzzle, I assume that you really like them. So I
also included one of my favorite puzzles, sent to me by Dave Shim years
ago. Finally, the inspirational piece was forwarded from Beth Morris. The
short answer to last week's puzzle was "the German". All of you who sent
me your answer got it right.

Enjoy!

-Josh.

By the way, I bought an email merge program. That's why I can now send you
an email addressed to you, instead of a mass email.

Come to the APEX/NAAAP Conference here in LA!
http://www.apex.org/content.cfm?content_id=81
______________________________________________

A honeymooning couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride
is concerned about the room being bugged. The groom says, "I'll look for a
bug."

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug. "A-HA!"
Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife,
unscrews the screws, and throws them and the disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds, "How was your room?
How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"

The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel
manager says, "Well, the room under you complained of the chandelier
falling on them!"
__________________________________________________

Puzzle: Mental Duel

Once, there was a kingdom which had scattered through it ten pools of
water, numbered 1 through 10, which had a peculiar property: if you drank
from any given pool of water, you would die the next day unless you drank
water from a pool with a higher number (e.g. if you drank from pool #4, you
would die unless you drank water from one of pools 5 - 10 before the next
day).

One day, a fire-breathing dragon flew into the kingdom, straight to the
king's castle. The dragon said to the king, "With a few breaths of fire, I
could easily destroy your castle and your armies and have the kingdom to
myself. But that wouldn't be very sporting, would it? Instead, I propose a
game: Tomorrow morning, we will meet in the courtyard. Each of us will
bring a single glass of water. We will exchange the glasses and drink.
Whoever is still alive the next day gets the kingdom." The king accepted
the challenge.

As it turns out, the king only knew the location of pools 1 through 9, but
the dragon knew the location of all 10 pools. Nevertheless, the next
morning, the dragon and the king exchanged glasses of water and drank. The
next day, the king was alive, and the dragon was dead. How could this have
happened? Assume that both the king and dragon are intelligent.
___________________________________________________

Building Your House

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer of his
retirement plan to leave the house building business, and live a more
leisurely life with his wife and family. He would miss the paycheck, but
he needed to retire. They could get by O.K.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go, and asked if he could
build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said, "Yes."
But in time it was easy to see that his heart was no longer in his work.
He resorted to shortcuts and shoddy workmanship, and even used inferior
materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work, the employer came to inspect the
house. He handed the front door keys to the carpenter. "This is your
house," he said, "my gift to you." The carpenter was shocked! What a
shame. If he had only known that he was building his own house, he would
have done it much differently.

So it is with us. We build our lives a day at a time, often putting less
than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to
live in the house that we have built. If we could do it over, we'd so it
much differently. But we cannot go back.

You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect
a wall. "Life is a do-it-yourself project," someone has said. Your
attitudes and the choices you make today build the "house" you live in
tomorrow. Build wisely.

Remember to work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been
hurt, and dance like nobody is watching.

Pass this on to someone you love and care about.
___________________________________________________

Modernism vs. Postmodernism

Modernism: Three major descriptive words: Individual, rational, factual.
Also: Preoccupied with identity, Value tradition and loyalty, Pursue
analysis, Seek happiness with many friends, Strong duty to restructure
society, Take life and self very seriously, Trust professionals.

Postmodernism: Three major descriptive words: Communal, contextual,
paradoxical. Also: Preoccupied with destiny, Value freedom and integrity,
Pursue synthesis and creativity, Seek ecstasy with a few intimates, Fulfill
the good within them by transforming people, Laugh at life and self, Trust
chance.

Postmodernism, most simply, is a rejection of modernism, applied to life,
thought, and culture.

______________________________
Joshua Li
Leisure Planner
"Your personal guide to what's fun!"
www.leisureplanner.com