Humor 4/26/98: "Lingo" & My New Email Address

Hey,

Before I go on, please notice that I have a new email address.
Actually, I have several. From now on, please send all your emails to
me at: joshli@post.harvard.edu. This is a permanenet forwarding email
address. I plan to get rid of my GIS account soon because I now have
free Internet access through www.tritium.net. (You may want to check
this out for yourself. You get free Internet access in exchange for
seeing ads at the bottom of your screen. Just to let you know, in the
future you will get emails from me from various email addresses:
joshli@tritium.net, joshli@yahoo.com, etc. However, no matter where you
get emails from me, please email me at: joshli@post.harvard.edu.

In response to last week's thought provoking question, 3 people wanted
to be dazzlingly clever and 1 person wanted to be angelically good. Out
of the three choices, I would probably want to be angelically good.

This week's question comes from the book, "201 Great Questions".
Question #23: "Someone has just offered you $50,000 to free-fall to the
ground from a helicopter 300 feet in the air. All the details of this
fall have been carefully worked out by experts. On the ground will be a
huge airbag used by professional stuntmen to break their fall.
Providing that you jump right and hit the bag, you will be safe. Will
you do this jump?"

This week's humor comes from Dave Shim, followed by a Chicken Soup
story. Enjoy!

-Josh.
____________________________________________

You can't be cool if you're using outdated lingo. Here's the latest
from the corporate and Silicon Valley jungles. Try to incorporate one
new word into your vocabulary each and every day. The world will be a
better place.

(Some from "Jargon Watch" by Gareth Branwyn "a dictionary for the
jitterati")

404: Someone who's clueless. "Don't bother asking him; he's 404."
Derived from the WWW error message "404 Not Found", meaning the
requested document couldn't be located.

alpha geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an
office or work group.

assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Batmobiling: putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting
armor that covers the Batmobile as in, "she started talking
marriage and he started batmobiling."

beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper
goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized
by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech
in mid-sentence.

betamaxed: when a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior,
but better marketed competition as in, "Microsoft
'betamaxed' Apple right out of the market."

blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

blowing your buffer: losing your train of thought.

body nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look
down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively..

chainsaw consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the
employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

chips and salsa: Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we
gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your
salsa."

cobweb: a WWW site that never changes.

cube farm: An office filled with cubicles.

dancing baloney: Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are
useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull.
Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."

depotphobia: Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how
much money one might spend. Electronic geeks
experience Shackophobia.

ego surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on,
looking for references to one's own name.

Elvis year: the peak year of popularity as in '1993 was Barney the
dinosaur's Elvis year.'

facetime, F2F, RL: time spent with real, live human beings.

flight risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning
to leave a company or department soon.

generica: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same
no matter where one is (fast food joints, strip malls,
sub-divisions). "We wereso lost in generica, I actually forgot what
city we were in."

going postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it.
Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal
employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.

GOOD job: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in
order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they
are solvent again.

high dome: egghead, scientist, PhD

idea hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators
running.

irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but
you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The
O.J. trials were a prime example.

keyboard plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on
computer keyboards.

meatspace: the physical world (as opposed to the virtual) also "carbon
community"

midair passenger exchange: Grim air-traffic-controller-speak for a
head-on collision. Midair passenger exchanges are quickly
followed by "aluminum rain."

mouse potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch
potato.

ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a big mistake.

PEBCAK: Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and
Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've
submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless
users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another
variation on the above is

ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system."

percussive maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

Perot: To quit unexpectedly, as in "My cellular phone just perot'ed."

prairie dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

salmon day: swimming upstream all day to get screwed in the end.

seagull manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, sh-ts
over everything and then leaves.

siliwood: the coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and
computers also "hollywired."

SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them
stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two
Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

square-headed girlfriend: Another word for a computer. The victim of a
square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow."

squirt the bird: To transmit a signal to a satellite.

starter marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce
with no kids, no property and no regrets.

stress puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

swiped out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

telephone number salary: A salary (or project budget) that has seven
digits.

tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from
their jobs. "We had three serious students in the
class; the rest were just tourists."

treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

umfriend: A sexual relation of dubious standing. "This is uh.. Dale,
my...um...friend..."

uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a
vicepresident at a downsizing computer firm: "You have
reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our
main number and ask the operator for assistance. " See also Decruitment.

Vulcan nerve pinch: The taxing hand position required to reach all of
the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance,
the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing
the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.

world wide wait: WWW.

Xerox subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace.

yuppie food stamps: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs
everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a
meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

"Logic merely enables one to be wrong with authority."
____________________________________

The Power Of Determination

The little country schoolhouse was heated by an
old-fashioned,
pot-bellied stove. A little boy had the job of coming to
school early
each day to start the fire and warm the room before his
teacher and
his classmates arrived.
One morning they arrived to find the schoolhouse
engulfed in
flames. They dragged the unconscious little boy out of the
flaming
building more dead than alive. He had major burns over the
lower
half of his body and was taken to the nearby county
hospital.
From his bed the dreadfully burned, semi-conscious
little boy
faintly heard the doctor talking to his mother. The doctor
told his
mother that her son would surely die - which was for the
best, really
- for the terrible fire had devastated the lower half of his
body.
But the brave boy didn't want to die. He made up his
mind
that he would survive. Somehow, to the amazement of the
physician,
he did survive. When the mortal danger was past, he again
heard
the doctor and his mother speaking quietly. The mother was
told that
since the fire had destroyed so much flesh in the lower part
of his
body, it would almost be better if he had died, since he was
doomed
to be a lifetime cripple with no use at all of his lower
limbs.
Once more the brave boy made up his mind. He would not
be a
cripple. He would walk. But unfortunately from the waist
down, he
had no motor ability. His thin legs just dangled there, all
but
lifeless.
Ultimately he was released from the hospital. Every day
his
mother would massage his little legs, but there was no
feeling,
no control, nothing. Yet his determination that he would
walk was
as strong as ever.
When he wasn't in bed, he was confined to a wheelchair.
One
sunny day his mother wheeled him out into the yard to get
some
fresh air. This day, instead of sitting there, he threw
himself from
the chair. He pulled himself across the grass, dragging his
legs
behind him.
He worked his way to the white picket fence bordering
their
lot. With great effort, he raised himself up on the fence.
Then,
stake by stake, he began dragging himself along the fence,
resolved
that he would walk. He started to do this every day until he
wore a
smooth path all around the yard beside the fence. There was
nothing
he wanted more than to develop life in those legs.
Ultimately through his daily massages, his iron
persistence
and his resolute determination, he did develop the ability
to stand
up, then to walk haltingly, then to walk by himself - and
then -
to run.
He began to walk to school, then to run to school, to
run for
the sheer joy of running. Later in college he made the track
team.
Still later in Madison Square Garden this young man who
was
not expected to survive, who would surely never walk, who
could
never hope to run - this determined young man, Dr. Glenn
Cunningham,
ran the world's fastest mile!

By Burt Dubin
from Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright 1993 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor
Hansen

Humor 4/20/98: Ode to Spellcheckers

Hi everyone,

I hope all of you had a great weekend. I certainly had a great time in
Philadelphia this weekend at Darshak and Elizabeth's wedding
(Congratulations!). It was good to see many of you, coming from all
over the U.S. and Asia. Sorry I didn't get a chance to compose this
email yesterday. By the time I drove back to Boston, it was already
really late.

In response to my thought-provoking question last week, whether you
would want to re-live your life, three said yes and one said no. Some
of the yes votes wanted to know everything that they did in this life so
that they can improve on the choices that they have made. I think that
I would probably want to re-live my life if I could retain my
experiences.

This week's question comes from Genevieve Yim, who says that the
question comes from "Anne of Green Gables" (a really good book / movie,
by the way, if you haven't read/seen it). The question is:

Which would you rather be if you had the choice-- divinely beautiful,
dazzlingly clever, or angelically good?

This week's humor comes from Dave Shim (good to see you this past
weekend), followed by a Chicken Soup story. Enjoy!

-Josh.
____________________________________

Ode to Spellcheckers

I have a spelling checker
I disk covered four my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.
Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore wee rote with checkers
Hour spelling was inn deck line,
Butt now when wee dew have a laps,
Wee are not maid too wine.
And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults in awl this peace,
Of nun eye am a wear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
That's why eye brake in two averse
Cuz Eye dew want too please.
Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye
This soft wear four pea seas.

Author Unknown
__________________________________________

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Linda Birtish literally gave herself away. Linda was an outstanding
teacher who felt that if she had the time, she would like to create
great art and poetry. When she was 28, however, she began to get severe
headaches. Her doctors discovered that she had an enormous brain tumor.
They told her that her chances of surviving an operation were about 2
percent. Therefore, rather than operate immediately, they chose to wait
for six months.

She knew she had great artistry in her. So during those six months she
wrote and drew feverishly. All of her poetry, except one piece, was
published in magazines. All of her art, except one piece, was shown and
sold at some of the leading galleries.

At the end of six months, she had the operation. The night before the
operation, she decided to literally give herself away. In case of her
death, she wrote a "will," in which she donated all of her body parts to
those who needed them more than she would.

Unfortunately, Linda's operation was fatal. Subsequently, her eyes went
to an eye bank in Bethesda, Maryland, and from there to a recipient in
South Carolina. A young man, age 28, went from darkness to sight. That
young man was so profoundly grateful that he wrote to the eye bank
thanking them for existing. It was only the second "thank you" that the
eye bank had received after giving out in excess of 30,000 eyes!

Furthermore, he said he wanted to thank the parents of the donor. They
must indeed be magnificent folks to have a child who would give away her
eyes. He was given the name of the Birtish family and he decided to fly
to see them on Staten Island. He arrived unannounced and rang the
doorbell. After hearing his introduction, Mrs. Birtish reached out and
embraced him. She said, "Young man, if you've got nowhere to go, my
husband and I would love for you to spend your weekend with us."

He stayed, and as he was looking around Linda's room, he saw that she'd
read Plato. He'd read Plato in Braille. She'd read Hegel. He'd read
Hegel in Braille. The next morning Mrs. Birtish was looking at him and
said, "you know, I'm sure I've seen you somewhere before, but I don't
know where." All of a sudden she remembered. She ran upstairs and pulled
out the last picture Linda had ever drawn. It was a portrait of her
ideal man. The picture was virtually identical to this young man who had
received Linda's eyes. Then her mother read the last poem Linda had
written on her deathbed. It read:

Two hearts passing in the night falling in love never able to gain each
other's sight.

By Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen from Condensed Chicken Soup for
the Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Patty Hansen

Humor 4/12/98: Jesus The Great Programmer

Hey,

Happy Easter everyone! In response to last week's thought provoking
question, one person thought it was impossible to love two people
equally, one thought it was possible, and one person thought that that
it was possible, but the only person who could do it is Jesus Christ. I
agree with the last person's comments. I think it's impossible for us
normal human beings to love two people equally.

It took me a while to think of this week's question. Please send me any
questions that you can think of! This week's question is: "If you
could go back in time and re-live your life starting from birth, would
you do it? Why or why not?"

This being Easter, I've selected the humor and the stories to have a
Christian focus. The humor email comes from Elton Lee, the first story
was forwarded by Frank Ai, and the second story forwarded by Jennifer
Chin. Many of you probably already read these stories. Enjoy!

By the way, my brother sent me info about a company that offers free
Internet access. You can check out their web site at:
www.tritium.com.

-Josh.
_____________________________________________

Jesus the Great Programmer

Between moments of dispensing wisdom, it seems that historical religious
leaders had also learned software programming. One day, a great contest
was held to test their skills. After days and days of fierce
competition, only two leaders remained for the last day's event: Jesus
and Mohammed.

The judge described the software application required for the final
test, and gave the signal to start writing code. The two contestants
feverishly typed away on their keyboards. Routines, classes, applets,
and applications flew by on their screens at incredible speeds.
Windows, dialogs, and other intricate graphics began forming on their
monitors. The clock showed that the contest would soon be finished.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning flashed and the power went out. After a
moment it came back on - just in time for the clock to announce that the
last competition was over.

The judge asked the two contestants to reveal their finished software.
Mohammed angrily said that he'd lost it all in the power outage. The
judge turned to the other competitor. Jesus smiled, clicked a mouse and
a dazzling application appeared on his screen. After just a few
moments, the judge was clearly impressed and declared Jesus the winner.

When asked why the decision was made, the judge pointed out the unique
characteristic that set the winner apart from all the other leaders:

Jesus saves.
______________________________________________

Story 1: It Takes Guts to Say "Jesus"

This is a true story of something that happened just a few years ago at
USC. There was a professor of philosophy there who was a deeply
committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend
the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn't exist. His
students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable
logic.

For twenty years, he had taught this class and no one had ever had the
courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but
no one had ever 'really gone against him' (you'll see what I mean
later). Nobody would go against him because he had a reputation.

At the end of every semester, on the last day, he would say to his class
of 300 students, "If there anyone here who still believes in Jesus,
stand up!" And in 20 years, none stood up, because they knew what he was
going to do next. He would say, "because anyone who does believe in God
is a fool. If God existed, He could stop this piece of chalk from
hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that He is
God, and yet He can't do it." and every year, he would drop the chalk
onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred
pieces.

All of the students could do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the
students were convinced that God couldn't exist. Certainly, a number of
Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years, they had been too
afraid to stand up.

Well, a few years ago, there was a freshman who happened to get enrolled
in the class. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about this
professor. He had to take the class because it was one of the required
classes for his major - and he was afraid. But for 3 months that
semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to
stand up no matter what the professor said or what the class thought.
Nothing they said or did could ever shatter his faith, he hoped.
Finally the day came. The professor said, "If there is anyone here who
still believes in God, stand up!" The professor and the class of 300
people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the
classroom. The professor shouted, "You FOOL!! If God existed, He could
keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!" He
proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his
fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleats of his pants, down his leg,
and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away, unbroken.

The professor's jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at
him and then ran out of the lecture hall. The young man who had stood up
proceeded to walk to the front of the room and share his faith in Jesus
for the next half hour. 300 students stayed and listened as he told of
God's love for them and of his power through Jesus.

"Yet to all who received HIM, to those who believed in HIS name, HE gave
the right to become children of God--children born not of natural
descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of GOD."

"But HE knows the way that I take. When HE has tested me, I will come
forth as gold." Job 23:10
___________________________________________

Story 2: HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago. One day I saw a
sign that read, "HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE". I got a little closer the
door came open wide, and when I came to myself I was standing inside. I
saw a host of ANGELS. They were standing everywhere. One handed me a
basket and said, "My Child shop with care". Everything a Christian needs
was in that grocery store. And all you couldn't carry, you could come
back the next day for more.

First, I got some PATIENCE: LOVE was in the same row. Further down
was UNDERSTANDING: you need that everywhere you go. I got a box or
two of WISDOM, a bag or two of FAITH. I just couldn't miss the HOLY
GHOST, for it was all over the place. I stopped to get some STRENGTH
and COURAGE to help me run this race. By then my basket was
getting full, but I remembered I needed some GRACE. I didn't forget
SALVATION, for SALVATION was free, so I tried to get enough of that to
save both you and me. Then I started up to the counter to pay my
grocery bill, for I thought I had everything to do the MASTER'S will.

As I went up the aisle, I saw PRAYER: and I just had to put that in,
for I knew when I stepped outside, I would run into sin. PEACE AND JOY
were plentiful; they were last on the shelf. SONG and PRAISE were
hanging near, so I just helped myself.

Then I said to the angel, "Now, how much do I owe?" He smiled and
said, "Just take them everywhere you go." Again, I smiled and said,
"How much do I really owe?" He smiled again and said, "MY CHILD, JESUS
PAID YOUR BILL A LONG, LONG TIME AGO." "ALL THINGS WHATSOEVER YOU SHALL
ASK IN PRAYER, BELIEVING, YOU SHALL RECEIVE." (MATTHEW 21:22)

Humor 4/6/98: Toasted Worldwide

Hey,

Welcome once again to my weekly humor email. In response to my question
about the carrot or the stick as a better motivator of people, 3
responded in favor of the carrot, 1 for the stick. However, several of
those responding for the stick also said that the stick is necessary at
times to motivate people as well. My own response is that it depends.
For longer term, longer lasting results, I think the carrot is better.
For immediate action, short lasting, the stick is better.

This week's thought provoking questions comes from Jenny Feng: "Can any
one person love two or more people absolutely
equally? (it can be love of family, of our "neighbor," of romance or
love of self, or of love within the same category )? If so, how? If
impossible, why?"

This week's humor email comes from Elaine Wong. For those of you at
Andersen, you'll really appreciate the last section. This is followed
by a story sent by Brent Chinn, which takes the place of the usual
Chicken Soup story. It's similar in nature and you'll really like it,
especially if you're a teacher. Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

If IBM made toasters:
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted
for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market of five,
maybe six toasters. The catchy ad campaign would be entitled "Toasters
for a Small Planet" - a discussion with you and your dentist about IBM's
incredible success in integrating toasters for the worldwide Olympic
Games.

If Microsoft made toasters:
Every time you bought a loaf of bread you would have to buy a toaster.
You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'll still have to pay for
it anyway. Toaster95 would weigh 15,000 pounds (hence requiring a
reinforced steel counter top), draw enough electricity to power a small
city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the
first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your
toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to
find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but
nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with
their toasters.

If Apple made toasters:
It would do everything a Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier,
and inexplicably never become a major market contender.

If Xerox made toasters:
You could toast one-sided or two-sided. Successive slices would get
lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.

If Radio Shack made toasters:
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it, and
you'd have to buy 4 or 5 before finding one that works right out of the
box. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

If Oracle made toasters:
They would claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles
of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was
still in development, the Croissant extension was three years away, and
that indeed the whole appliance was good at blowing smoke.

If Sun made toasters:
The toast would burn often, but you'd get a really good cup of Java.

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters:
They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes in toast and gives
you regular bread.

If TRW Corporation made toasters:
It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every
morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service
department would have an unlisted telephone number, and the blueprints
for the box would be highly classified government documents. The
X-Files would have an episode about it.

If Sony made toasters:
The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single slice of
bread it is meant to toast can be conveniently attached to your belt but
you need to buy a model for every variety of bread you need to toast.

If Fisher Price made toasters:
"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast
the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.

If Franklin Mint made toasters:
Every month you would receive another lovely hand crafted piece of your
authentic Civil War pewter toaster.

If Anderson Consulting made toasters:
It would be the first fully integrated holistic re-engineered simple,
yet radical, interpersonal communicational wheat product leveraging
visionary offering toaster on the market coming without the risk of
carbonization degradation via an architecting process involving a
conceptual design of worldwide breadth helping to deliver domestic food
services for enterprise-wide value frameworks across the continuum of
reorientation in an impactful environment which is strategically based,
industry focused, and aligned with your family's mission, vision and
core values.
___________________________________________

THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL
By Roy Exum

When Tony Campolo was in Chattanooga, Tennessee to speak at the annual
"Gathering of Men" breakfast, the noted sociologist told a story that
begs to be repeated.

It seems that there was a lady named Jean Thompson and when she stood in
front of her fifth-grade class on the very first day of school in the
fall, she told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her
pupils and said that she loved them all the same, that she would treat
them all alike. And that was impossible because there in front of her,
slumped in his seat on the third row, was a boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed he didn't
play well with the other children, that his clothes were unkempt and
that he constantly needed a bath. Add to it the fact Teddy was
unpleasant. It got to the point during the first few months that she
would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen,
making bold 'X's and then marking the 'F' at the top of the paper
biggest of all. Because Teddy was a sullen little boy, nobody else
seemed to enjoy him, either. Now at the school where Mrs. Thompson
taught, she was required to review each child's records and because of
things, put
Teddy's off until the last. But, when she opened his file, she was in
for a surprise.

His first-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright, inquisitive child
with a ready laugh. He does work neatly and has good manners. He is a
joy to be around." His second-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an
excellent student and is well-liked by his classmates-but he is troubled
because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a
struggle." His third-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy continues to work hard
but his mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but
his
father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him
if some steps aren't taken." Teddy's fourth-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy
is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have
many friends and sometimes sleeps in class. He is tardy and could become
a problem."

By now Mrs. Thompson realized the problem but Christmas was coming
fast. It was all she could do, with the school play and all, until the
day before the holidays began and she was suddenly forced to focus on
Teddy Stoddard on that last day before the vacation would begin. Her
children brought her presents, all in gay ribbon and bright paper,
except for Teddy's, which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper
of a scissored grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the
middle
of the other presents and some of the children started to laugh when she
found a rhinestone bracelet, with some of the stones missing, and a
bottle that was one-quarter full of cologne. She stifled the laughter
when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and she
dabbed some of the perfume behind the other wrist.

At the end of the day, as the other children joyously raced from the
room, Teddy Stoddard stayed behind, just long enough to say, "Mrs.
Thompson, today you smelled just like my mom used to." As soon as Teddy
left, Mrs. Thompson knelt at her desk and there, after the last day of
school before Christmas, she cried for at least an hour. On that very
day, she quit teaching reading and writing and speaking. Instead, she
began to teach children. And Jean Thompson paid particular attention
to one they all called "Teddy".

As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she
encouraged him, the faster he responded and, on days that there would be
an important test Mrs. Thompson would remember that cologne. By the end
of the year he had become one of the smartest children in the class and
well, he had also become the "pet" of the teacher who had once vowed to
love all of her children exactly the same. A year later she found a note
under her door, from Teddy, telling her that of all the teachers he'd
had in elementary school, she was his favorite. Six years went by before
she got another note from Teddy. And then he wrote that he had finished
high school, third in his class, and she was still his favorite teacher
of all time. Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that
while things had been tough at times, that he'd stayed in school, had
stuck with it, and would graduate from college with the highest of
honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson she was still his favorite teacher.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he
explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a
little further. The letter explained that she was still his favorite
teacher but that now his name was a little longer. And the letter was
signed, "Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D."

The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that
Spring. Teddy said that he'd met this girl and was to be married. He
explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was
wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the pew usually
reserved for the mother of the groom. You'll have to decide yourself
whether or not she wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones
missing. But, I bet on that special day, Jean Thompson smelled just
like... well, just like she smelled many years before on the last day of
school before the Christmas Holidays began.