Humor 7/20/97: The latest in Business Lingo...

Hi everyone,

I hope your weekend went well. As some of you know, I found out this
past Friday morning that Friday was my last day on my project in
Connecticut. The client decided not to continue with the project. As a
result, I had to pack up my belonging and leave my apartment. So,
unfortunately, I won't be able to host a party in Connecticut on 8/9 or
8/16 (as I mentioned in last week's email). Thanks to all of you who
replied. However, if something changes, I'll be sure to let you know.

I decided that from now on, every week, instead of just sending out a
humor email, I'll also send out a recommendation for a movie to
watch/rent, CD to buy/listen to, book to read, activity to do, etc.
Please send me your recommendations. If I take your advice and find
your recommendation helpful, I'll also recommend it to others.

This week's recommendation is for you to read the book, "Managing at the
Speed of Change - How Resilient Managers Succeed and Prosper Where
Others Fail". It's a book I've read major sections of for work, and
it's sort of an important book in the field of Change Management. It
contains a great deal of helpful discussions on how each of us can
manage change more successfully in our lives and in the organizations we
are a part of. The author is Daryl Conner.

This week's humor email was forwarded to me by Phil Lin. Sorry if the
humor is slightly too technical in nature for you. Enjoy! Take care
and have a great week!

-Josh
______________________________________________________________

Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss.
Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip
character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for

the fourth time this week."

Chip Jewelry - A euphemism for old computers destined to be
scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments.
"I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's nothing but chip
jewelry."

Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet.
"I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn't need any training.
"The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play."

World Wide Wait - The real meaning of WWW.

Dorito Syndrome - Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction
triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just

spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito
Syndrome."

Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes
open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings.
"Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?"

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web
message "404, URL Not Found," meaning that the document you've tried
to access can't be located. "Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404,
man."

Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available
in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the

San Francisco Chronicle... "

Egosurfing - Scanning the net, databases, print media, or
research papers looking for the mention of your name.

Graybar Land - The place you go while you're staring at a
computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the
gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what
seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."

Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute.

Cobweb Site - A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated
for a long time. A dead web page.

It's a Feature - From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to

gloss over.

CLM - (Career-Limiting Move) Used among microserfs
to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she
is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Elvis Year - The peak year of something's popularity.
"Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."

Alpha Geek - The most knowledgable, technically proficient
person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek
around here."

Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers beginning
just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere
are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they
were designed to solve.

Tourists - People who are taking training classes just to
get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in
the class; the rest were tourists."

Blowing Your Buffer - Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the
person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or
has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed.
"Damn, I just blew my buffer!"

Gray Matter - Older, experienced business people hired by young
entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.

Bookmark - To take note of a person for future reference
(a metaphor borrowed from web browsers).
"I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."

Nyetscape - Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured
Web browser.

Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when
their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by
physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in
mid-sentence.

Humor 7/14/97: Pope Humor

Hey,

Hope you had a spectacular weekend. I certainly did.

The attached piece was humor was forwarded by Dave Shim. Also, thanks
to all of you for sending me responses to last week's puzzle.

For those of you who have sent me a personal email in the last few
months, I'm really going to try my best to send you a personal email in
response this coming week. I apologize for procrastinating. Your email
has been sitting in my inbox, waiting for me to respond to.

Finally, I'm thinking of throwing a summer party at my place in
Connecticut (if I'm still there in August. My status in CT changes week
to week). I was thinking of either August 9th or 16th. Please let me
know which of those two dates would be better for you. I'll take a look
at the responses and decide on one of those two dates. Hope you can
make it. There's a swimming pool at the apartment complex, and the
beach is also near by. The place is pretty large, so you're welcome
crash there overnight.

Here's the humor:
_________________________________________________________________

There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers,
a man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was
grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not.

As the Pope approached the gates of heaven it was St. Peter
himself who greeted him with a firm embrace.

"Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness
in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you
great status in heaven. You may pass through The Gates without
delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven.
You are also granted an open door policy and may at your
own discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including
the Father without prior appointment,

Is there anything your Holiness desires?"

"Well yes," the Pope replied. " I have often pondered some of
the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians
through the ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which
recorded the actual conversations between The Lord and the prophets
of old? I would love to see what was actually said, without the
dimming of memories over time."

Saint Peter immediately ushered the Pope to the heavenly library
and explained how to retrieve the various documents. The Pope was
thrilled and settled down to review the history of man's
relationship with The Lord.

Two years later, a scream of anguish pierced the stacks of
the library. Immediately several of the Saints and Angels
came running. There they found the Pope pointing to a single
word on a parchment repeating over and over.

"There's an "R" in it!!!...... There's an "R" in it!!!!......
There's an "R" in it!!!

It's.....It's ....It's CELEBRATE!!!!!

Humor 7/7/97: Children's Letters to God

Hey,

Hope you had a great July 4th weekend. This email comes to me from Anna
Man. Sorry if you've already received it before.

I'm back working in Stamford, Connecticut for a few months. I hope to
host a party there sometime in August. Stay tuned.

Take care!

-Josh.
__________________________________________________________________

CHILDREN'S LETTERS TO GOD

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do.
Who does it when You are on vacation?
-Jane

Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
-Lucy

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling
words in the house?
-Anita

Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an
accident? -Norma

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,
why don't You just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane

Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan

Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that
okay? -Neil

Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had
everything. -Jane

Dear GOD,
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"?
Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!
-Darla

Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a
puppy. -Joyce

Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad!
He said some things about You that people are not supposed to
say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (But I
am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday?
I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
-Tom L.

Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony.
I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
-Bruce

Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything
you want except my money or my chess set.
-Raphael

Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
-Danny

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had
their own rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry

Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so
much hair all over. -Sam

Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
-Ruth M.

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the
whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can
never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
-Mickey D.

Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris

Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You
did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
Sincerely, Donna