Humor 4/12/99: Retirement & Erma Bombeck's Advice

Hi everyone,

How's life treating you? I had a really busy weekend. From Friday at 9
am to Saturday at 5 pm, I participated in this team case competition.
We were given a case involving a telecom merger and we had to analyze
the problems facing the company and come up with recommended solutions.
Our team worked hard into early Saturday morning to prepare and practice
our presentation, which we gave on Saturday. The hard work paid off,
because out of 18 teams, our team was a finalist and won $1000. It was
very tiring but fun. It was a great experience to work with four other
people from my section.

This coming weekend, I'll be heading up to Stanford B-school to
participate in the annual C4C competition. It's a charity/sports
competition involving many of the B-schools on the West coast. I'll be
playing table tennis. The weekend is packed with events, but I don't
think I'll be going to all of them. If you're in the Bay area, maybe
I'll get a chance to see you. Let me know if you'll be around. I was
thinking of visiting Peninsula Bible Church on Sunday. I've heard much
about it, but never had a chance to visit.

This week's thought provoking questions is: "If you were to receive a
letter today from anyone you have known during your lifetime, who would
it be from and what would it say?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Jennifer Chin, followed by an
inspirational story forwarded by Susan Hasegawa. Enjoy!

-Josh.

P.S. I know that we all get inundated with emails. If you ever want me
to take you off my weekly humor distribution list, please let me know.
______________________________________

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican
village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the
small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented
the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to
catch them. The Mexican replied, only a little while. The American
then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The
Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my
children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each
evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full
and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should
spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with
the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats,
eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling
your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor,
eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product,
processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal
fishing village and move to
Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your
expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But how long will this all take?" To
which the American replied, "15-20 years." But what then? The American
laughed and said that's the best part. When the time is right you would
announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become
very rich. You would make millions. Millions? Then what?

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal
fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with
your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the
evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your
amigos."
_____________________________________

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
by Erma Bombeck

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was
stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried
much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the
fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his
youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day
because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it
melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about
grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more
while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth
would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical,
wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished
every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the
only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later.
Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love yous".. more "I'm sorrys"... but
mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at
it and really see it... live it...and never give it back.

--In memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 4/5/99: A Group Effort

Hi everyone,

I hope you had a great Easter weekend. I've had a fun week of spring
break. Did a bunch of different things, especially eat a lot. I went
to Todai in Glendale Galleria for all you can eat sushi. This
afternoon, I went to all you can eat Mongolian BBQ after church. Both
places had very good food.

I went to watch "Cinderalla" at the Ahmanson Theatre. This is a modern
ballet, set in London during WWII. It was visually stunning and very
good. My friends were able to get inexpensive tickets, and you may be
able to as well.

The other really fun thing I did was to go hiking with some friends at
Temescal Gateway Park. This park is actually fairly close to UCLA. The
address is 15601 Sunset Blvd, in Pacific Palisades. Just take Sunset
westbound. It's a beautiful hike, and at the top you have a great view
of the Pacific Ocean, Santa Monica, and the really nice houses in
Pacific Palisades. The trail is a loop of about 4 miles. There are
rock formations called Skull Rock that you can climb. There is also a
small waterfall. The highlight of the day is when we climbed up the
rock ledges along the waterfall, off the marked trail. I highly
recommend this place for anyone who likes to hike and/or do some rock
climbing.

If you're interested in hiking, let me know. I think my friend will be
organizing a monthly hiking trip to parks in the LA area. There are
lots of different parks and hiking trails to explore.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could work for any
person in the world, who would it be, and what job would you want?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Anna Man, followed by an
inspirational piece forwarded by Andy Arends. Have a great week and
enjoy!

-Josh.
___________________________________________

An Italian, and Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a
construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says
to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping", to the Irishman he
says, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "you're
in charge of supplies". He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little
while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the
pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you
sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I didn't have a broom. You said
the Chinese a guy was in a charge of supplies, but he a disappeared and
I couldn't a find a him."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did, lad. But I
counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinamun in chairge of supplies,
but I counna fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand
looking for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and
yells....SUPPLIES!!!!!"
_______________________________________________

In a university commencement address several years ago Brian Dyson, CEO
of Coca-Cola Enterprises, spoke of the relation of work to one's other
commitments:

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the
air. You name them - work, family, health, friends, and spirit and
you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that
work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the
other four balls - family, health, friends, and spirit are made of
glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed,
marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the
same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.

How? Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It
is because we are different that each of us is special. Don't set your
goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best
for you. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is
meaningless. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in
the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you
live ALL the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really
over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this
fragile thread that binds us together.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we
learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The
quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is
to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it
wings.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've
been, but also where you are going.

Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel
appreciated.

Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can
always carry easily.

Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
431 S. Burnside Ave. #12 B
Los Angeles CA 90036
(323)936-8476
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/