Hi everyone,
I hope of you had a great Easter weekend. For those of you in the
Northeast, please remember to RSVP to the dinner party I'm having on
Saturday, April 12th, if you haven't already.
Thanks to Joy Ku for the following piece of humor. Those of you in
Boston will no doubt agree with many of the points mentioned.
Take care and keep in touch! -Josh.
_______________________________________________________________
Just in case you don't know the reference to the "Big Dig" is the
current
project to bury Boston's Central Artery (freeway) under the city.
Boston is often acclaimed as the most exciting city in America in which
to
drive. Who would argue?
Getting Orientated:
The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the
center, we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South
Boston, which
lies directly east from the South End. North of the South End is East
Boston,
and Southwest of East Boston is the North End. Backbay was filled in
years ago.
Basic Rules for Driving in Boston: (Subject to change at any time)
For newcomers and visitors, here are a few basic rules of the road for
driving in Boston and its surrounding communities:
To obtain a general idea of how to drive in Boston, go to a Celtics
game,
and carefully watch the fast break. Then get behind the wheel of your
car and
practice it.
Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left
before
proceeding.
When in doubt, accelerate.
Very generally speaking, the intransigent nature of the Boston driver
is
directly proportional to the expense of his American-made car, and
inversely proportional to the expense of his foreign-made car. But in
applying this
formula, bear in mind, that every Boston driver is, more or less,
intransigent.
When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow traffic to pass
coming
the other direction.
Drivers whose cars sport "I Brake For Animals" bumper stickers may brake
for animals, but they may not brake for you. Watch it.
Teenage drivers believe they are immortal. Don't yield to the temptation
to
teach them otherwise.
Taxicabs should always be given the right of way, unless you are bent
on
suicide.
Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the
wheels of your car. Most multicar pileups are caused this way.
The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see.
Grab it.
Learn to swerve abruptly. Boston is the home of slalom driving, thanks
to
the Registry of Motor Vehicles, which puts potholes in key locations
just to
test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
Double-park in the North End of Boston, unless triple-parking is
available.
Always look both ways when running a red light.
While it is possible to fit a 15-foot car into a 15-foot parking space,
it
is seldom possible to fit a 16-foot car into a 15-foot
parking space. Sad but true. Don't even think of finding a 20 ft
space.
When parking, it is acceptable to "bump" other cars as long as
1) There is no one in the car, and
2) You don't not set off any alarms.
This is called the "Boston Bump". Practice it.
There is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Boston.
Rush 'Hour' generally only lasts from 7am until 8pm.
It is traditional in Boston to honk your horn at cars that don't move
the
instant the light changes. Color doesn't matter.
Never put your faith in signs that purport to provide directions. They
are
put there to confuse people who don't know their way around the city.
And to
confuse those who do, but are detoured by the Big Dig.
Use extreme caution when pulling into breakdown lanes. Breakdown lanes
are
not for breaking down, but rather for speeding, especially during rush
hour.
Breakdown lanes may also end without warning causing traffic jams as
people
merge back in.
Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract
other
Boston drivers, who are not used to them.
Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Boston drivers, unused to
such courtesies, will think you are waving them on to pass you.
The yellow light is not, as commonly supposed outside the Boston area, a
signal to slow down. It is a warning to speed up and get through the
intersection
before the light turns red. As a result, yellow lights only light for
a
quarter of a second.
Making eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. Sidewalks are
optional.
In making a left turn from the right lane, employ the element of
surprise.
That is, do it as suddenly as possible, so as to stun other drivers.
Crossing entire 4 lane roads in one block always gains the respect and
salutes of
others.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.
Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure
inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible.
Remember that the goal of every Boston driver is to get there first, by
whatever means necessary.
Above all, keep moving.
Sigh, it makes me a bit nostalgic for my old home!
