Humor 3/27/00: Wrong Email & Eye of Beholder

Hi everyone,

I had a great time this past weekend snowboarding at June Mountain. The
weather was perfect and this mountain wasn't crowded at all. It's only
about 15 miles north of Mammoth and just southeast of Yosemite. I would
highly recommend this mountain if you like to go skiing or
snowboarding. You can find more information about this mountain at:
www.junemountain.com.

By the way, I have a new cell phone. My cell phone number is:
818-438-8930.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could master one
type of cuisine, which one would you choose?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Jennifer Chin, followed by an
inspirational piece forwarded Susan Hasegawa.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in
Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him
there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his
wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail
address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he
missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly
preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When
the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor,
let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the
screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.

PS: Sure is hot down here.
__________________________________________

THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER

One day a father and his rich family took his young son on a trip to the
country with the firm purpose of showing him how poor people can be.
They spent a day and a night at the farm of a very poor family.

When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, "How was
the trip?"

"Very good, dad." "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father
asked. "Yeah" said the son.
"And what did you learn?" said the father. The son answered, " I saw
that we have a dog at home and they have four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, they have a
creek that has no end.

We have imported lamps in the garden, they have the stars.
Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have the whole horizon."

When the little boy was finished, his father was speechless. His son
added,
"Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are."


Isn't it true it all depends on the way you look at things? If you have
love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude
towards life --- you've got everything...... You can't buy any of these
things.

You can have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions
for the future, etc., but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing.
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818) 461-8930
(818) 438-8930 (Cell)
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 3/20/00: Diet for Stress & Resignation

Hi everyone,

I hope you're doing well. I have been extremely busy the last two weeks
finishing up with all my exams, papers, and final presentations for
various classes. That's why I didn't get a chance to send this email
last week. I just have one more paper and then I'm done with everything
I need to do for this semester.

This coming weekend I'll be going snowboarding with a group of 25 other
people to June Mountain, which is north of Mammouth Mtn. It's just
slightly southeast of Yosemite. Too bad the road going into Yosemite
from the east is closed for the winter. Otherwise, it would be awesome
to check out Yosemite in the winter. I'm really looking forward to this
trip. It should be really fun.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could be anywhere in
history for one day, as someone famous from that time, where would you
like to be, when, and as who?"

This week's humor was forwarded by Judy Quan (who actually did run the
LA marathon), followed by an inspirational piece forwarded Steve Lee.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

After completing the marathon I would like to share with you some of my
secrets of health and fitness.


Since we all experience stress as some points in our daily activities,
this diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up
during the day.

Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
l cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

Rules for this Diet
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy
bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not
eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are
part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and
Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes
calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in
the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed
potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other
food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to
gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since
the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to
his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS
__________________________________________

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have
decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old
again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with
rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my
friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were
colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't
bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't
care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all
the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to
the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things
again.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer
crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more
days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip,
illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth,
justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in
the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and
my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first,
cause......"Tag! You're it."

Pass this to someone and brighten their day by helping them remember the
Simple things in Life.
((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
President, High Tech Business Association
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818) 461-8930
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/

Humor 3/6/00: 20 Sayings & This Morning

Hi everyone,

This weekend my friend from college Brent Chinn was in town. Some of
our friends came over for dessert on Friday night. We had a pretty
intense discussion about many different topics, such as whether
Christian parents should home school their children. Our conversation
reminded me of the deep discussions we used to have until the wee hours
of the morning at Fall Conference. I think several of us mentioned how
we really miss this type of dialogue.

On Saturday night, our young adult group gathered to discuss each of the
California state propositions. If you live in CA, NY or one of the
other states having a primary on Tuesday, please remember to vote.

I'm going on a 50 day journey. No, not another trip around the world.
Our church is participating in the 50-Day Spiritual Adventure. The
theme this year is "Celebrate Jesus. Discover What Makes Him Attractive
to So Many People!". I started the journaling today in the workbook and
I'm really looking forward to having a consistent quiet time through the
50 days (and beyond). In the past weeks, I have been letting my
busyness get in the way of having good quiet times. If your church is
not doing this, I would highly recommend that you look into this
resource.

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could read the mind
of anyone you know, who would it be?"

This week's humor was forwarded by John Chao, followed by an
inspirational piece forwarded Anna Man.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
_________________________________________

20 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...they did it
by killing all those who opposed them.

2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you
probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job
WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a
scapegoat.

7. Plagiarism saves time.

8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.

9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

10. TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.

11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

12. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

13. We waste time, so you don't have to.

14. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

15. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent
slacker.

16. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

17. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

18. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

19. Succeed in spite of management.

20. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
____________________________

As you got up this morning,
I watched you,
and hoped you would talk to me,
even if it was just a few words,
asking my opinion or thanking me
for something good that happened
in your life yesterday.

But I noticed you were too busy,
trying to find the right outfit to wear.
When you ran around the house getting ready,
I knew there would be a few minutes
for you to stop and say hello,
but you were to busy.

At one point you had to wait,
fifteen minutes with nothing to do
except sit in a chair.
Then I saw you spring to your feet.
I thought you wanted to talk to me
but you ran to the phone and called a friend
to get the latest gossip instead.

I watched patiently all day long.
With all your activities
I guess you were too busy to say
anything to me.
I noticed that before lunch you looked around,
maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me,
that is why you didn't bow your head.
You glanced three or four tables over
and you noticed some of your friends
talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't.
That's okay.

There is still more time left,
and I hope that you will talk to me yet.
You went home and it seems as if
you had lots of things to do.
After a few of them were done,
you turned on the TV.
I don't know if you like TV or not,
just about anything goes there
and you spend a lot of time
each day in front of it
not thinking about anything,
just enjoying the show.

I waited patiently again
as you watched the TV and ate your meal,
but again you didn't talk to me.
Bedtime I guess you felt too tired.
After you said goodnight to your family
you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time.
That's okay because you may not realize
that I am always there for you.

I've got patience,
more than you will ever know.
I even want to teach you how
to be patient with others as well.
I love you so much that I wait
everyday for a nod, prayer or thought
or a thankful part of your heart.
It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.
Well, you are getting up once again.
And once again I will wait,
with nothing but love for you.

Hoping that today you will give me some time.
Have a nice day!

Your friend,
GOD
--
_____________________________________

Joshua Li
President, High Tech Business Association
14400 Addison Ave. #119
Sherman Oaks CA 91423
(818) 461-8930
Permanent Email: joshli@post.harvard.edu
http://personal.anderson.ucla.edu/joshua.li/