04/30/01: Adam & Eve, If I Knew

Hi,

I hope you are doing well. I got back on Saturday night from a 2 week trip
to Singapore, Thailand, and Malaysia. I enjoyed meeting my co-workers at
our Avery Dennison offices in Singapore, Bangkok, and Kuala Lumpur. They
are all very friendly and helpful. Hopefully, I'll learn a few words in
Thai and Malay. One thing I noticed is that my co-workers and our clients
all love to play golf. So I think I'll be learning to play better golf.

After two days in Singapore, I left for our Bangkok office with my
supervisor, TG Yeo and Director of Finance, Philip Choo. Our office there
is actually in the southeast suburb of Bangna. We were there as part of
the annual strategic planning process. One of my responsibilities is to
assist in the strategic planning process and do some competitor and market
analysis. My main project for the bulk of the 8 months is to expand our
market share for the sheet label market.

Here are some pictures of my co-workers in Thailand:
http://community.webshots.com/album/13396610hfwWseetYr

Basically, the division of Avery that I work for is called Fasson, and we
make all kinds of paper and plastic film adhesives. If you take a look at
your shampoo bottle, the clear plastic label was probably made by Fasson.
My supervisor is very good at helping me to learn about the industry and
technology. I spent half a day in our factory, doing hands on work with
the staff to split our large roll of adhesives into smaller rolls for our
customers. My supervisor is also sending me to printing school in China in
June, and wants me to visit our customers all over Southeast Asia. I'm
really glad that I speak Mandarin, because most of our clients happen to be
Chinese.

I was supposed to visit our manufacturing plant in Rayong, Thailand, which
is further south of the resort town of Pattaya. However, the plant was
closed that Saturday, so as a result, I was free to take a tour to
Ayuthaya, an ancient part of Thailand. The highlight was the Bang-In
palace, which was re-built by the same king as the one in "The King and I",
or "Anna and the King". It's quite lovely, and has mostly western style
architecture. It did have an exquisite Chinese mansion, with really nice
antique Chinese furniture, but we weren't allowed to take any pictures in
doors.

On the ride there, I met this really nice older couple from Britain, Peter
and Judy, and hung out with them all day. After the palace, we stopped at
a Buddhist temple, an elephant rides place, and the supposed "highlight" of
the tour, which is the ruins of the old palace in Ayuthaya. I didn't think
it was all that great. After that, we had a buffet lunch on the 4 hour
river cruise back to Bangkok. Overall, it was a very good outing.

Here are the pictures of Ayuthaya:
http://community.webshots.com/album/13396670ICszEGgYOG

I also had a chance to do a little sightseeing in Kuala Lumpur on Sunday.
I met another couple, Ronnie and Jennie, who are forest fire fighters from
Ontario, Canada. (I don't know why I'm meeting all these cool people from
the Commonwealth nations). I pretty much hung out with them all day.
First I went to the Batu Caves, just on the outskirts of KL. I was
expecting really deep caverns, like those in Guilin (I love caves for some
reason). I had to climb a long way up to enter the caves, only to find
that it contained a Hindu temple. So I was slightly disappointed. There
were many monkeys all over the place.

After that, we took the bus back to the center of town. We planned to hike
to a butterfly farm, but it started to pour. As we were waiting for the
rain to stop, we met this Caucasian jogger, who happens to be from Britain
and runs the London law program for an university in KL. When we got to
the butterfly farm, we decided that it wasn't worth the entrance fee.
After that, we walked by a large mosque (there are so many huge mosques in
KL). Later on, we had dinner outside at an Indian restaurant, and then
visited several different indoor markets. Finally, we went to a very
crowded outdoor market, where vendors were selling all kinds of stuff very
cheaply. Next time I go back there, I'll definitely have to take more time
to buy some stuff through bargaining.

Here are the pictures from KL:
http://community.webshots.com/album/13396874sPRWUYHbWi

Unfortunately, I left my battery charger in the U.S. and then tried to
re-charge my digital camera using a different device, which may have
damaged my camera. Until I get a new digital camera, I won't be able to
take and show you any more digital pictures. :(

This coming Friday night, I'll be going up to the bay area for a friend's
wedding. On Sunday afternoon, I head back to Singapore. I'll try to
continue these weekly emails while I'm in Singapore, but we'll see.

Jennifer Deniega and Jennifer Chin forwarded the humor and inspirational
pieces, respectively.

Enjoy! Take care and keep in touch!

-Josh.
______________________________________________

Adam & Eve

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on
earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by
someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting ribs."
_________________________________

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would
tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I
would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in
praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back
day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two
to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming, you would know I do.
If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip
away.

For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we
always get a second chance to make everything right.
There will always be another day to say our "I love you' s", and certainly
there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do's?"
But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say
how much I love you and I hope we never forget...

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today may be
the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight. So if you're waiting
for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll
surely regret the day that you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a
hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to
be their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in
their ear, tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold
them dear. Take time to say "I'm sorry," "please forgive me," "thank you"
or "it's okay". And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about
today. Remember life is too short.

04/14/01: California Dreamin', My Missions Statement

Josh,

Happy Easter! I spent this past week more or less at home, packing and
going through all of my stuff. You may know that I'm a huge pack rat. I
tend to keep everything, since I always think that I'll have use for it in
the future. For example, I had about three years worth of many magazines,
such as Red Herring, The Industry Standard, Business 2.0, Business Week,
etc. This week, I finally started to throw out many of these magazines and
other pieces of paper that I've accumulated. I was still reluctant to
throw out certain items, but I started to ask myself the questions, "Do I
really need this item?", "Is it available in an electronic format?", "Will
I ever look at it again?"

There won't be a puzzle or thought provoking question this week. Also,
next weekend I'll be flying in Southeast Asia, so I probably won't be able
to send out this weekly newsletter.

Eddie Liu forwarded the humor piece (it's really funny, but also sad). I
decided to share my personal mission statement with all of you. I hope it
encourages you to write one of your own.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
______________________________________________

California Dreamin'

Letters to Mom

January 2000
Moved to Silicon Valley for a job.
My salary is 30% higher!
I have stock options!
The temperature outside is 65F in winter!
California is the best place on earth!!!

February
Still looking for an apartment.
Freeways everywhere to take you places.
Still love California!

March
Found a 1 bedroom apartment for $1900/mo.
California is more expensive than I thought.

April
Gas hit $2.29/gal.
Somebody stole the gas from my car.
This sucks....

May
A small earthquake!
And this is what my mother was so worried about?
Almost didn't feel it.

June
A forest fire and a mud slide near LA.
Who cares, that is far away from me!

July
A big earthquake... Spent 4 hours in my bathtub.
Boy, that was scary.
We had no stinking earthquakes where I came from.

August
Drought! They turn on the water once a day.
This sucks big time!
Somebody stole the water from my car's radiator.
Why did I come to California?

September
Decided to buy a house. Found a 2-bedroom fixer-upper for $800K.
Borrowed against my stock options for down payment.
Freeway traffic is worse. Today it took nearly two hours. One way.

October
My startup fired 90% of the work force, including me.
The stock lost 98% of its value.
My options are underwater.

November
Had to sell my house. Couldn't make the payments.
Found a studio apartment for $2300/mo.
Traffic unbearable

December
Problems with electricity.
They turn the electricity off several times a day.
It's called " rolling blackouts."
Who stole my car battery, and what do I do now?

January 2001
I'm typing this, stuck in an elevator, in complete darkness.
The battery of my laptop is dying.
Silicon Valley is no more.
Angry hordes of former dot-commers are looting in the dark.
It was fun while it lasted.
I'm coming back home.
_________________________________

Writing a Personal Mission Statement

In 1997, I took a seminar called, "First Things First" at Andersen
Consulting. It is based on Stephen Covey's book with the same title. As
part of the seminar, we learned about the importance of writing a personal
mission statement. The seminar provided many different exercises to help
us craft one. As a result of that process, I reflected on my values and
priorities and wrote the statement that I'm sharing with you below. I look
at it occasionally and it would help me think about whether my activities
and goals are aligned with my values.

During my years at the Anderson School, I was in an entrepreneurial support
group called TEC. Our mentor, Bruce Rognlien, also asked everyone in the
group to write a personal mission statement. I dusted mine off, and
revised it slightly. It was good to hear what my friends wrote for their
statements and to share my statement with them.

Recently, I asked my APEX mentee, Joseph Hsieh to write a personal mission
statement. I look forward to meeting with him when I get back from
Singapore and hearing it. In meantime, I thought that I would take this
opportunity to encourage all of you to write your own personal mission
statement. It should capture your values and priorities in life, motivate
and inspire you, and help you think about you life with a long-term
perspective.

As I read over my statement, I realize that it is definitely something that
I strive for, but have not attained. I think it will always be a process
of living your life according to your statement more and more. I also want
you to keep me accountable to what I write. So, if you ever see me act or
say something that conflicts with my own mission statement, I hope that you
will provide me with some gentle constructive feedback. At times in my
life, I can be too wrapped up in something that I forget about my mission
statement.

If you ever write a person mission statement in the future, and are
comfortable sharing it with others, I would love to see what you have wrote
for yourself.
______________________________________

Josh Li's Personal Mission Statement

My life mission is to worship God through thought, words, and action in all
areas of my life, including family life, professional life, social life,
and personal life.

In my family life, I want to spend quality time with my family members, to
love and care for them, and to receive their love and care.

In my professional life, I want to add value to society. I want to be a
strong business leader, train and mentor others and be a good role model.

In my social life, I want to be a good friend and a strong Christian
brother. I want to be loyal, honest, caring, willing to spend time with
friends, willing to share the Gospel with them.

In my personal life, I want to exhibit strong character and leadership. I
want to exhibit self-esteem without being egotistical. I want to spend
quality time with myself in meditation, thought, examination, evaluation,
and self-improvement. I want to be always learning and striving to do
better.

04/08/01: Why We Love Children, Believe in Easter?

Hi,

How was your week? I had a great one. I just accepted a job with Avery
Dennison, headquartered in Pasadena. However, my first project will be
based in Singapore. I will be the Director for Special Projects, working
with the general manager in Singapore on strategic planning and expanding
our market in the other ASEAN countries (Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia,
Philippines, etc.)

Many of you know that I had really wanted to work on a project in China,
but the VP in charge of Asia Pacific thought that I would learn more on a
first project based out of Singapore. Now, instead of traveling more
extensively throughout China, I will have an opportunity to travel widely
in Southeast Asia. Some of you have wrote me in the past years to tell me
about your great experiences in Vietnam, Cambodia, northern Thailand,
Indonesia, etc, and now I hope to follow in your footsteps and explore
these exotic locales.

I leave for Singapore this coming Saturday for a two week trip to
Singapore, Bangkok, Rayong, Kuala Lumpur, Jakarta, and back to Singapore.
Then I come back to southern Cal for a week of orientation in Pasadena.
The timing works out well, because on May 4th, I will fly up to the Bay
Area for Mag Wong & Boda Chen's wedding on May 5th. If you're in the Bay
Area that weekend, I hope to see or talk to you!

If you have any friends in Southeast Asia, I would love to meet them and
get their advice about living and working in Southeast Asia. Please send
me their contact info. Thanks!

My project in Singapore should last 8 - 9 months. If you ever need a place
to crash in Singapore (since it is a gateway city to other travel
destinations), you're welcome to stay in my living room. Even if you're
not stopping in Singapore, let me know if you'll be visiting Hong Kong,
Taiwan, etc, and maybe I'll meet up with you. Singapore is fairly
centrally located. I look forward to seeing those of you again already in
Asia!

This coming Sunday is Easter. Easter and Christmas are the two of the most
important events for Christians. If you don't know who Jesus Christ is, or
do not yet have a personal relationship with Him, I strongly encourage you
to visit a church this coming Sunday. Many churches I know have a special
service this coming Sunday geared towards people who want to learn more
about Jesus, why he came to Earth as a human and died for our sins on the
cross. If you ever wanted to visit a church service, this coming Sunday is
the best week to visit. Let me know if you're interested in visiting a
church in your city, and I'll try to connect you to a good church to visit.

Last week's puzzle (#196) is: "Two thick ropes hang from a high ceiling
attached to hooks three feet apart. The ends touch the ground. Without
using anything else, and considering that you will die if you fall from
one-quarter of the height of the room, how can you cut the largest amount
possible of each rope with a knife?"

Phil Lin's correct answer: You can get most of the rope. Tie two ropes
together at the end close to the ground. Climb up one rope (A) and cut off
the other rope (B) at the top. If hook B is big enough, then string the
free end of rope B through the now empty hook B and tie the free end to
your self. Using hook B as a pulley, hold your self up by holding rope B
on your side of the hook. The tension on rope A is released and you can
now cut rope A off from its hook. Lower yourself down using the pulley
system you made. If the hook B isn't big enough, use part of the rope in
rope B to make a ring hanging from the hook.

Since this email is so long, there won't be a puzzle or thought provoking
question this week.

Jennifer Deniega forwarded the humor piece. The inspirational piece is
about Easter, sent to me originally by Brent Chinn.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
______________________________________________

Why We Love Children

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later..."Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
_________________________________

Do You Believe In Easter?

Edith Burns was a wonderful Christian who lived in San Antonio, Texas. She
was the patient of doctor by the name of Will Phillips. Dr. Phillips was a
gentle doctor who saw patients as people. His favorite patient was Edith
Burns. One morning he went to his office with a heavy heart and it was
because of Edith Burns.

When he walked into that waiting room, there sat Edith with her big black
Bible in her lap earnestly talking to a young mother sitting beside her.
Edith Burns had a habit of introducing herself in this way: "Hello, my
name is Edith Burns. Do you believe in Easter?" Then she would explain the
meaning of Easter, and many times people would be saved.

Dr. Phillips walked into that office and there he saw the head nurse,
Beverly. Beverly had first met Edith when she was taking her blood
pressure. Edith began by saying, "My name is Edith Burns. Do you believe
in Easter?"

Beverly said, "Why yes I do." Edith said, "Well, what do you believe about
Easter?" Beverly said, "Well, it's all about egg hunts, going to church,
and dressing up." Edith kept pressing her about the real meaning of Easter,
and finally led her to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Dr. Phillips said, "Beverly, don't call Edith into the office quite yet. I
believe there is another delivery taking place in the waiting room. After
being called back in the doctor's office, Edith sat down and when she took
a look at the doctor she said, "Dr. Will, why are you so sad? Are you
reading your Bible? Are you praying?"

Dr. Phillips said gently, "Edith, I'm the doctor and you're the patient."
With a heavy heart he said, "Your lab report came back and it says you have
cancer, and Edith, you're not going to live very long."

Edith said, "Why Will Phillips, shame on you. Why are you so sad? Do you
think God makes mistakes? You have just told me I'm going to see my
precious Lord Jesus, my husband, and my friends. You have just told me that
I am going to celebrate Easter forever, and here you are having difficulty
giving me my ticket!"

Dr. Phillips thought to himself, "What a magnificent woman this Edith Burns
is!"

Edith continued coming to Dr. Phillips. Christmas came and the office was
closed through January 3rd. On the day the office opened, Edith did not
show up. Later that afternoon, Edith called Dr. Phillips and said she would
have to be moving her story to the hospital and said, "Will, I'm very near
home, so would you make sure that they put women in here next to me in my
room who need to know about Easter."

Well, they did just that and women began to come in and share that room
with Edith. Many women were saved. Everybody on that floor from staff to
patients were so excited about Edith, that they started calling her Edith
Easter; that is everyone except Phyllis Cross, the head nurse. Phyllis
made it plain that she wanted nothing to do with Edith because she was a
"religious nut". She had been a nurse in an army hospital. She had seen it
all and heard it all. She was the original G.I. Jane. She had been married
three times, she was hard, cold, and did everything by the book.

One morning the two nurses who were to attend to Edith were sick. Edith had
the flu and Phyllis Cross had to go in and give her a shot. When she walked
in, Edith had a big smile on her face and said, "Phyllis, God loves you and
I love you, and I have been praying for you." Phyllis Cross said, "Well,
you can quit praying for me, it won't work. I'm not interested." Edith
said, "Well, I will pray and I have asked God not to let me go home until
you come into the family." Phyllis Cross said, "Then you will never die
because that will never happen," and curtly walked out of the room.

Every day Phyllis Cross would walk into the room and Edith would say, "God
loves you Phyllis and I love you, and I'm praying for you." One day Phyllis
Cross said she was literally drawn to Edith's room like a magnet would draw
iron. She sat down on the bed and Edith said, "I'm so glad you have come,
because God told me that today is your special day."

Phyllis Cross said, "Edith, you have asked everybody here the question, "Do
you believe in Easter?' but you have never asked me."

Edith said, "Phyllis, I wanted to many times, but God told me to wait until
you asked, and now that you have asked..." Edith Burns took her Bible and
shared with Phyllis Cross the Easter Story of the death, burial and
resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Edith said, "Phyllis, do you believe in Easter? Do you believe that Jesus
Christ is alive and that He wants to live in your heart?"

Phyllis Cross said, " Oh, I want to believe that with all of my heart, and
I do want Jesus in my life." Right there, Phyllis Cross prayed and invited
Jesus Christ into her heart. For the first time Phyllis Cross did not walk
out of a hospital room, she was carried out on the wings of angels.

Two days later, Phyllis Cross came in and Edith said, "Do you know what day
it is?" Phyllis Cross said, "Why Edith, it's Good Friday."

Edith said, "Oh, no, for you every day is Easter. Happy Easter Phyllis!"

Two days later, on Easter Sunday, Phyllis Cross came into work, did some of
her duties and then went down to the flower shop and got some Easter lilies
because she wanted to go up to see Edith and give her some Easter lilies
and wish her a Happy Easter. When she walked into Edith's room, Edith was
in bed. That big black Bible was on her lap. Her hands were in that Bible.
There was a sweet smile on her face.

When Phyllis Cross went to pick up Edith's hand, she realized Edith was
dead. Her left hand was on John 14: "In my Father's house are many
mansions. I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive
you to myself, that where I am, there you may be also."

Her right hand was on Revelation 21:4, " And God will wipe away every tear
from their eyes, there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying; and
there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."

Phyllis Cross took one look at that dead body, and then lifted her face
toward heaven, and with tears streaming down her cheeks, said, "Happy
Easter, Edith - Happy Easter!"

Phyllis Cross left Edith's body, walked out of the room, and over to a
table where two student nurses were sitting. She said, "My name is Phyllis
Cross. Do you believe in Easter?"

04/01/01: Couples' Wishes, 5 Golden Rules

Hi,

I had a really fun and packed weekend. My friend James Sharick's parents
came to visit LA from Indiana, so we went to Warner Bros. Studios for a
tour along with Eddie and Arnold (thanks Daniel!). The highlight was
seeing Guy Pierce (in LA Confidential) in costume for a Steven Spielberg
film called "Time Machine". In the front part of the studio lot (where the
sound stages and most of the filming goes on), we were not allowed to take
any pictures. Once we got to the back lot, I took lots of pictures,
including the exterior of the ER set. Here are the pictures I took at
Warner Bros. Studios:

My friends
http://community.webshots.com/album/12022642JpYDFSpyyo

ER Set
http://community.webshots.com/album/12022581yCQxCtnxqm

Warner Backlot & Others
http://community.webshots.com/album/12022440IktbbDKtaD
http://community.webshots.com/album/12022525iZqNOKngzo

I also went with some APEX friends to West Hollywood for this thing called
"Design Walk 2001". Basically, many of the art and antiques stores stayed
open and had an open house with some refreshments. We walked around quite
a bit and went into many of the Asian art places. One especially memorable
place is Thomas Schoos Design on Melrose, because they built an Asian
garden in the back with lots of art objects, fishes, and comfortable
chairs. If you like Asian furnishings, here are some of my pictures:

http://community.webshots.com/album/12022309qaeIEEPUXU

I played 9 holes of golf (which I haven't played in years and was very
rusty), watched "Enemy at the Gates" (Very good movie, highly recommend
it), and had dessert at Charles & Genevieve's house because our BCEC friend
Angela Lih Chang came down to LA with her husband Tom. So it was a good
time catching up with them.

Last week's puzzle is: "A man was sleeping in a hotel. In the middle of
the night, he woke up and could not go back to sleep. He picked up the
phone and called someone. As soon as he hung up, he fell sound asleep. He
did not know the person he was calling. Why did he call that person?
The book answer: "The neighbor was snoring. That is why he couldn't
sleep. When he made the call, the person woke up and stopped making noise.

This week's puzzle (#196) is: "Two thick ropes hang from a high ceiling
attached to hooks three feet apart. The ends touch the ground. Without
using anything else, and considering that you will die if you fall from
one-quarter of the height of the room, how can you cut the largest amount
possible of each rope with a knife?"

This week's thought provoking question is: "If you could change the ending
to one movie you have seen, which one would it be, and how would you
reshoot it?"

Anna Man and Patty Oey forwarded the humor and inspirational pieces,
respectively.

Enjoy!

-Josh.
______________________________________________

Elderly Couples' Wishes

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th
birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because
they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give one wish
each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and boom!
She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly,
"Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.
_________________________________

5 Golden Rules For Finding Your Life Partner (by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.)

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the
prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about
choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a
divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making
serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right! If you ask
most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say:
"We're in love." I believe is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this
may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love
(alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will
come.

Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone.
You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if
you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20
or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to
do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to
share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow
apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a
marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line-
and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis
of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get
"punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A
colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel
afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on
this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to
marry.

QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good
and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What do they
do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic
person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are
essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to
personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone
whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of
doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:
How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are
they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think
about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be
nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc. How do they treat
parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? Do they
show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given
them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who
can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about
others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be
sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you
poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're
married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of
trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts
it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the
worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then
you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key
is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to
ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't
do your homework.